Living

There is yarn laying in a heap upon the living room rug next to my favorite arm chair . A remnant of what looks like a blanket tucked away in the corner of it with a crocheting hook on top . The mail littered the cocktail table , mostly ads . On the book shelf , an unfinished cup of coffee . In the kitchen sink , some dishes waiting to be washed  . A laundry pile in the corner of a bedroom piled high .

These are some of the messes one will find in my home . No matter how much I try to keep the place looking untouched as if in a magazine ,  I never quite achieve it . I gloss over the pages of newly
organized rooms pictured to such perfection and I dream .  I love organization , but I'll never get there . I dream of it , but know deep down inside , I will never achieve it .

Whenever I'd voice my thoughts on the subject , Emily would always reply . . .

But , mom , we're living not sitting . We're living life .

She is right ! We are living , breathing the very life God bestowed on us . We are imperfect , unorganized , messy people . We are not secluded inside a square boxed room staring at the four walls . We go out and mingle with the world . We cry , laugh , we live .

When the world treats us badly : when our bodies fail us : when loved ones disappoint us . . . . . we have to live . There is no life on that glossy ,  perfect sheet in a magazine staring up at us . Yes , I'm always striving for that perfection that only God has achieved .

What would happen if I finally got there ? What would happen if every part of my life would sit neatly in a row . . . undisturbed ? Would I read a book or be afraid of messing up that row ? Would I lounge comfortably on my couch or sit pretty with my hands folded ? Would my kitchen be filled with the delicious aromas of a home cooked meal or would I want a shiny empty sink instead ?

Yes , a neat . . . organized . . . .life . No surprises . No unexpected turns . Or bends . As tempting as that may be , it's not living . It's not experiencing what life has to offer . I want to live out my life in every way . I want to experience . I want to live . How about you ?

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Cancer Wellness Doctrine

Cleaning out some papers , I came across an old poem that came from my old Oncologist's website . I thought I'd share it with all of you .



my health is my responsibility
but I did not cause my disease
I will always have hope
what I hope for
may change over time
my doctor and I are partners
we both have things to learn
death is not failure
personal dignity and
quality of life
are my measures of success
cancer provides me with an opportunity
I don't have to feel grateful for it
I am willing to change
the way I feel with stress
the past is only important
if I make it so
cancer is a family illness
we all need attention and support
I have the power to make a difference
in my care
I need to look inside
for the proper direction

One of my sister-in-laws gave me a necklace with a similiar one . Six years have passed since then and suddenly , all the words seem so very true .
Have a Blessed day everyone .

Changes In The Air

After I left my doctor's office , I felt like changes were in store for me  . Each time I go through treatment , sudden new changes emerge from the experience . A growth . . . . an acceptance . . . . an adaptation to this lifestyle .

All of my life , change has held me back . Or I should say , fear of change . I've always been afraid . Afraid of not making it financially : or failing in a  lasting relationship : or of making a huge mistake with decision making . I would surround myself with people that I could run to whenever change happened . Let them take care of me . Sometimes , I'd run from situations because of fear .

As I've  traveled on this journey of mine , I've asked God for spiritual growth . My , has He provided the experiences for that growth ! My tendencies have always included clinging to people to take care of these changes , instead of clinging to God . His response ? To take away these people .

As I sit here , fully knowing that changes are here yet again , making their way into my life . . . . I'm afraid . The buoys in my life are gone and I have to float on faith . It's so easy to say , but so hard to really do .

I think back to all the other times I've been afraid . I didn't learn to drive until I was 35 years old , but I can remember the satisfaction of achievement in getting that drivers  license . I was scared of living on my own and yet , it's been the best decision of my life .

All these times , changes occurred . Changes that were forced on me , because I was too afraid to make them on my own . Yet , every single one was a much needed change for the improvements in my life . A step forward that needed to be made . An act of faith to display .

Yes , change is in the air . Have a Blessed day everyone .

Who Are You ?

Recently , I've read an article on discovering who we are just by what types of things we pin on our Pinterest Board . Imagine that ! Over the years , I've read similiar articles using other things such as " colors we like " or " foods we eat " that determine what we are all about .

It seems we spend alot of time and energy in trying to find out who we really are on the inside . I think you can pick up any magazine and find an article based on self - exploration whether spiritual or mental .

Who am I ? I know I have changed many times during my lifetime . I have been many things to many people . I've adapted to the situations and surroundings at any particular time , but none have been as meaningful as these past six years .

In my younger years , I have never thought possible to find such a satisfying and fulfilling purpose in life . I've always felt that my role was to be a wife and mother and when that role was done . . . . then my life could be filled with hobbies and grandchildren .

What changed all that ? My relationship with Jesus . I've always believed in God . I've always had plenty of faith , but I've never had an intimate relationship with Him . It took this forsaken cancer to invade my body for me to wake up to what's really important .

So who am I ? When I die , my children will stand up in front of family and friends and tell of my life . They can list all the things I have done and places I've been to . The things I've said and hobbies I've shared . They can recite my life history from birth to my last breath . They can post beautiful and flattering pictures of my life .

Yet , none of that will matter .

Who am I ? I am the daughter of a King . I am the follower of Jesus Christ . I am a woman , a fellow sister in Christ trying to live a righteous life .

Who are you ?

Have a Blessed day Everyone .

Miss Sunshine

Have I ever written about the parking booth lady at U.I.C. ? There are times , when I have no paper to write anything down , but a story forms in my mind . So I'm not exactly sure if I wrote about this or not . Oh well , here goes . . . .

I use the U.I.C. parking lot whenever I'm there . On my way out , I somehow always seem to get this one elderly lady parking booth attendant . I call her Miss Sunshine  , but she is anything but that .
Life must have been rough for this woman if her sourpuss expression was anything to go by .

In the beginning , I would try to avoid her as much as possible . At times , that wasn't a choice I could make . Pulling up to her booth , I'd take a deep breath and steel myself for another unpleasant encounter with the unpleasant woman . No matter how nicely I asked about her day nor wished her a pleasant week , the only response I would receive would be a mumbled under her breath grunt .

After awhile , it became a challenge I wanted to overcome . I was determined to shower this woman with kindness . To give her the best welcoming smile of her life ! I would get a smile back , no matter how long it would take ! I would break through that icicle of a heart . Once , I came very close to seeing the corners of her unhappy face almost  and I mean almost , turn slightly upward as if she was fighting an internal battle with love .

The other day , I pulled up to her booth , not really recognizing it was her . I was tired and wanted to get home as soon as possible . To my surprise , Miss Sunshine , greeted me with a beautiful smile  wishing me a good weekend .

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Aubrey's Shower

I've been thinking quite alot about my Aubrey  . Sometimes , a person stays on your mind because you love them so much . It's been two years since she has become my daughter-in-law and I couldn't have chosen a better woman for my son myself . I came across this poem I wrote after a party , Emily and I gave in her honor . Here's to you , my love . . . .

Once upon a time, a young man named Joe got down on one knee and proposed

"Will you marry me,Aubrey?"

"Yes sirree,Joey!"

with a whoop and a holler

the mother-in-law declared

"It's time for a Wedding Shower!"

friends were called and family,too

the table was set with care

Emily,with her own two hands unwrapped the Costco wares

with the help of her sidekick Destiny

Tom took a look and sighed

"There's just too much estrogen around'!

he picked up his keys and left

"Call me when it's all said and done"

the neighbors all heard the laughter and cheers

wondering hey....

what's going on down there?!

haven't you heard?

Aubrey's here

when the sun set and the stars came out

and everyone was tucked away in bed

the mother-in-law snored away

dreaming of the great time they all had...


Have a Blessed day everyone !

Happy Easter

A Happy Belated Easter to everyone . I have to apologize for the lateness , but as usual with my treatment I became very tired and slept most of the day away .

The day started at 7 A.M. in the morning , with Emily anxiously getting ready for the Big Event at Church . This year , I handed my resposibilities over to her since I wasn't feeling very well . All I did was supply the candy and eggs . She took everything over to E.P.I.C. ( her twenty-something group ) and they spent a day filling over 1100 Easter eggs . I think they ate more than they stuffed , but we have to pay them somehow , right ?

Her group also spent a week passing out 7000 fliers in the neighborhood inviting people to Church . Talk about wearing out the soles of their shoes !

As the morning progressed , I could tell she was extremely excited about the Easter service . You want to see the fruits of your hard earned labor . She wasn't disappointed . It was standing room only with seating arrangements well into the foyer . There were 50 children in the Kidz Zone . Those 1100 eggs weren't enough .

As I sat listening to the service , I felt like a parent whose youngest child flew the coop . She handled it all , on her own . She grew up and became an adult .

I've always worried about her more than  her brother . What would become of her when I'm gone ? Watching her with the children , I knew at that moment , I knew everything would be okay . She was in God's hands and He was leading her . She would be just fine as long as she followed Him . It may take some of us longer than others , but eventually , we make our way back to Him .

Have a Happy Easter everyone and know that He loves you .