A Museum Of Resentment

 

                                   Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

When sorrow all our heart would ask,

  We need not shun our daily task,
    And hide ourselves for calm;
  The herbs we seek to heal our woe
  Familiar by our pathway grow,
    Our common air is balm.
J. KEBLE.

I never thought I would be that someone who harbors resentment towards others. Never! In fact, I was that person who would try to keep the peace at all cost. I would try to resolve the issue rather than not ever speak to that person again. Yes, I was that person who preached forgiveness to everyone. I was that person.

Funny thing happens when one begins to feel superior as if we have overcome something others are struggling with on a daily basis. We begin to feel as if we are in a protective bubble and pretty soon we forget how it feels to be in a hard place such as resentment and unforgiveness. We start to believe we have become immune to it.

Letting go of the past hurt is the hardest thing in the world. It wants to linger in our heart, festering all that resentment until it boils over into unforgiveness. It becomes our way of life, a museum of sorts where we can revisit as often as we like. That resentment keeps on festering quickly turning into bitterness and hardness of the heart.

This past year has been extremely difficult for my family. Trials, troubles, struggles come and go in our life. Some harder than others, but all definitely painful, often leaving a scar. Resentment has found a spot to crash in my heart turning it into a regular museum of resentment.

 We as Christians know the importance of healing our hearts, protecting them against the sin of resentment, anger and bitterness. We know it is wrong. We know God wants us to be complete and live freely as loving individuals created in His Image. Since we know deep inside that it is wrong to feel these negative emotions, we know we need to come before the Lord and seek His help.

 I lay myself, naked and raw, before my Lord. Desperate. Wounded. Broken. Purify me, cleanse me from this sickness. Make me whole. You are my Almighty God of the Impossible made Possible. I want to be better than I was . . . . . so much better. Release me from this bitter heart and keep me from hardening myself against others. 

We cannot go through life alone, especially when faced with worldly struggles. We cannot go on harboring ill feelings toward the people whom we are to love. These people are not just your family or friends or co-workers. These are your neighbors. These are the people in the world. We cannot justify these negative emotions just so we can feel good about how we behave towards them. We definitely need to knock down the walls of that museum and become free of all it's entanglements.

Living our best life doesn't come easy. Life keeps throwing all these curveballs our way and we can become so wrapped up in our feelings that we forget how to love. We forget all the wonderful moments we have shared and the laughter that bubbled up inside of us at the silly things. We just plain forget. Instead, we harbor bad feelings, we resent others, we become bitter. Where's the best life in that?

Have a blessed day everyone.

Simply Dieting

 

                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

In heavenly love abiding,

No change my heart shall fear;
And safe is such confiding,
For nothing changes here.
A. L. WARING.

Dieting is not a word that held any meaning in my life until past the year 2007. Before that, I had no idea what that really meant, because I was one of "those" skinny people. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and how much I wanted. Never gained anything. I gave birth to four children and I was able to still get into my clothes.

Dieting? There was no need for any of it! Quite honestly, I had no empathy for anyone struggling with their weight, because I had no idea what that meant or what it took to diet.

Of all the things I had to deal with since my cancer journey, my weight gain has been the hardest. I have struggled with acceptance of how I look. I have struggled with how others see me. I have struggled with just simply losing the weight! I often wondered if this would be my permanent size and I should just give up. 

This past Summer, I have given this dilemma much thought. I no longer wish to diet, but instead learn to incorporate good eating habits and exercise into my lifestyle. How many times have we said that phrase? We often feel we need to give up the foods we love entirely and that is not true. Almost every doctor will tell you we need a little bit of every food group. Yes, there are people who have no choice, but need to eliminate certain foods for their health. Overall, it is all about portions and finding a perfect balance. 

There are so many diets out there and along with them, many different opinions. I cannot stress enough that we all are different and what may have worked for one may not work for the other. Remember to take into account your health, especially if you have a chronic illness. It is better to consult your doctor about any choices concerning your diet. Don't be afraid to bring up that conversation with them. My GP loves to talk with me about my diet. 

 Exercise is not something I have enjoyed in the past and nor do I look forward to in the future! As I become older, I see a need for exercise to keep myself limber and agile. These joints of mine don't work as well as they used to and if I am not careful, I will lose the ability to move. 

I have selected a workout that is based on my age and ability. I have no desire to be jumping up and attempting physical feats outside of my strength. Last thing I want to do is hurt myself in an attempt to become healthy. Here is the link for the workout I do for anyone who might be interested.

 (6003) Pahla B, Weight Loss Coach for Women over 50 - YouTube

I wish I could tell you what a good student of exercise I have become, but that would be a lie. Thus far, I have struggled with maintaining that routine. Oh, I would have great workouts for weeks on end and then completely fall off the band wagon struggling to get back on it. If it was easy, I would have lost the weight a long time ago. The takeaway point here is not to give up. Keep going even when you fail. Get up, dust yourself off, forgive yourself and get back to it!

Have a blessed day everyone.

Change Is Necessary

 

                               Everyday is a brand new day,

                                everyday is a journey.

To be the thing we seem,

To do the thing we deem
Enjoined by duty;
To walk in faith, nor dream
Of questioning God's scheme
Of truth and beauty

Anon

To say that I have been absent from my blog, is quite an understatement. For many years now, I have been experiencing a drought, a writer's block. I believe it has begun when I went into remission, a remission that has lasted since 2016. In fact, I have never had a more positive oncologist visit than recently. For someone who has experienced cancer four times in nine years, it can be a very unbelievable moment and a surreal one. 

This entire blog has been centered around my life with cancer. When the good news arrived, I thought to myself, what in the world will I write about now?

 I failed to practice what I have been preaching. My goal has always been to show people that one could live a very purposeful life with a chronic illness. I may be in the longest remission I have ever experienced, so shouldn't I be sharing that with others?

In Luke 17:11-19, Jesus heals the ten lepers and only one comes back to thank Him. Suddenly, I feel as if I was one of the nine that didn't proclaim His glory. I may have thanked Jesus for this long remission that I am in, but I have not shared in the goodness that followed within that remission with others. 

In the past year, I have experienced a loss, a major one in my family. It has brought back to me the realization of how much this blog has helped me in my recovery with pain in the past. It can provide a therapeutic healing of one's broken and grief stricken heart no matter what one may be going through.  

So here we are, another season, another chapter of my life. Who knows where this will lead us, what we will discover as we peel away the pain. The longer you know someone, the more you love them and are interested in what they do. I think that is why it hurts when they're gone. It's like we're trying so hard to hold it together, but in reality, we're busting at the seams. Just a year ago I was walking on air. Did I appreciate the blessings I was receiving? Or have I become so accustomed to my cup overflowing?

Letting go and starting over is so hard to do when we have loved so very much. Grieving is a real thing. The person doesn't have to die for us to grieve their time with us. Separation is just as bad and probably hurts even more. We cannot sit in the misery and the pain where we end up drowning. We do have to let go and start over once again. Change is necessary for us to thrive for the way Jesus intended for us to live our life. 

I sit here, looking out the window at the cloudiness in the sky. It looks so bleak, doesn't it? Yet, one has to start somewhere. It won't always be a cloudy day. The Sun does come out eventually and boy, we will enjoy that sunshine on our face.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Your Worst Day

 

                                   Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Know well, my soul, 

God's hand controls 

Whatever thou fearest; 

Round Him in calmest music rolls 

Whate'er thou hearest.

J. G. WHITTIER.

Labor Day began just like any other three-day weekend. The streets were quiet and crowds were sparse as the world woke up slowly. The weekend was spent barbecuing for most likely the last time before the cold temperatures began and school was officially open. 

Heading out to pick up my daughter from work, I continued on the same route that I have taken countless of times. The left turn signal changed to green and I proceeded forward just like I have many times over. The oncoming vehicle never stopped for their red and as you may have concurred, we collided.

This one act, this one incident, changed everything. No one was hurt, thank goodness, but the irritation that resulted from it kept both sides busy in paperwork and phone calls for the remainder of the month. A very frustrating month!

We go about our lives every single day oblivious to the world around us. If it doesn't touch us in a personal way, we really don't feel it. We are sorry for others' struggle or turmoil and we may even say a prayer for them, but deep down inside, we carry on our merry way.

There is always someone who is having their worst day. That worst day may vary in degree, but believe me, to them it's devastating. The worst part of it? No one notices until they are in the middle of it with them experiencing their own pain. 

Empathy is not something that we are born with, but we do acquire it as we grow in Christ. The more we immerse ourselves in becoming like Jesus, the more compassion we show for others in need. We not only feel for them, but we also see them.

My accident brought me much despair and frustration, but I will never forget that woman who sat on the curb so devastated by her mistake. The shock and disbelief of what just happened evident in her entire being. Sometimes, we need to forget what has occurred to us and instead minister to the one who inflicted the pain. 

We all were affected by this accident. There was no "winner" in this scenario. We tend to think that our pain is the only important pain that matters, but that isn't true. Everyone hurts and feels emotion. Everyone deserves forgiveness and compassion, even the one who caused the pain.

Have a blessed day everyone.