30 Days Of More:More Sense

                                         Everyday is a brand new day,
                                          everyday is a journey.

Lord! subdue our selfish will;
    Each to each our tempers suit,
  By Thy modulating skill,
    Heart to heart, as lute to lute.
C. WESLEY.

One would think that I would have learned by now by my mistakes, but yet I keep making them. It's like a rerun of a past episode in my life. I will be doing really well for awhile and then wham! I slip backwards. You know the worst part? You know it's wrong, but somehow one rationalizes the why. We make excuses and we justify the act or acts. Usually,  right after remorse follows.

The thing about these past mistakes, they love to pop up when you are at your lowest point. They love to haunt you when you are not feeling good about yourself. They never show up when you are feeling confident and beautiful. No siree, never. They lurk in the darkness hoping to get you off guard.

I sometimes think I lack common sense when it comes to certain things, all the bad things in my past. I have always considered myself an intelligent and successful woman, until I do something truly stupid. How can that be? How can we falter so much when we are such a huge success elsewhere in our life?

I was curious to see if there were any books or courses on achieving more sense in your life. Actually, I googled it just for laughs and to my surprise there really are many and I mean many resources out there to combat this problem.

For example: Here is a link that I checked out and actually had some great tips for helping you to develop more sense.

https://www.wikihow.com/Develop-Common-Sense. The  Steps to Developing Common Sense.

Compare risks or rewards of a decision before choosing what to do.

Trust your initial feeling so you don't over analyze things too much.

Look at your situation from another perspective to think through it clearly.

Ask someone you trust for feedback if you aren't sure about your decision.

Realize it's okay to make bad decision now and then.

Don't do things that you know are bad for you.

Be more observant of your surroundings. 

Think before you speak so you don't say something you will regret.

Accept that there are things you cannot change.

Pick options that are more practical.

Well, great advice, isn't it? We just need to put it into action. That's the hard part, the action.  Plus, it isn't like we have a list ready whenever common sense is involved. Here, let me pull out my common sense list and go through it. That's not what happens, but everything is a work in progress. We live and we learn . . . .. hopefully.

Have a blessed day everyone.

30 Days Of More: Releasing The More

                                 Everyday is a brand new day,
                                   everyday is a journey.


At the devil's booth are all things sold,

Each ounce of dross costs its ounce of gold;

For a cap and bells our lives we pay,

Bubbles we buy with a whole soul's tasking;

'Tis heaven alone that is given away,

'Tis only God may be had for the asking.

—James Russell Lowell

Have  I mentioned that I began journaling not too long ago? It started as a way to release some stress in my life.  You see, I have noticed my blood pressure rising every time I was in the doctor's office. It worried me that this may become the norm, so I made a decision to do something about it before it got out of hand.

Well, I love the journal. Actually, it become more of a prayer journal than anything else. I found myself praying for everyone. If I found a prayer request on social media or through a friend or even at work, I would write it down in that journal.

I've also noticed another amazing thing at work. I wanted more than anything to release all the negativity, the anger, the past hurt, all of it. I wanted a complete release of anyone that has done any damage to my being. You may laugh and say, you couldn't possibly have so many people or things to release. Well, I am here to tell you that not only I do, but you do, too.

We have a way of collecting things on our beings. Not only objects, but we also collect the unpleasantness of everyday life. If we had a horrible encounter on the road or in a store or even on social media, it stays with us. It defines our remainder of the day. It shapes how we interact with one another, it truly does.

What if we were to release it before it became trapped on our being? What if we were able to shake it off right at the moment of contact? Can you imagine how much better we would feel?

First, I started writing a release prayer in my journal to any current people that have hurt me. Then I released that issue, that hurt at Jesus feet. I made a declaration not to hold onto that hurt, but allow God to take it from me. From this point on, I am free of it all. I am free and I pray God will help me stay free. Release the more, that excess garbage that refuses to leave and only pollutes your existence. Release the more.

Have a blessed day everyone.

30 Days Of More: Less Is More

                                             Everyday is a brand new day,
                                              everyday is a journey.


A self-controlled mind is a free mind, 
and freedom is power.
 I call that mind free which jealously 
guards its intellectual rights and powers. 
I call that mind free which resists the bondage of habit, 
which does not live on its old virtues, 
but forgets what is behind, 
and rejoices to pour itself forth in fresh
 and higher exertions.
—William Ellery Channing.

When I was a young girl, I wanted so much out of life. I wanted a huge house, filled with many children and furnished with beautiful things. I would pour over the catalogs, circling every item I wanted to own and that was a lot.

Well, now I stare at many of these things, "the more of everything" and wonder what the heck am I going to do with all of it. What am I going to do with all of this jewelry I don't even wear? What am I going to do with a pantry full of all the latest gadgets? One of my pet peeves are all the cooking utensils we have like mixing spoons of every shape and size. Do we really need 5 or 6? Where did all these things come from?

I swear, I would have these purge weekends where I would go through everything and donate to charity the excess. A few months would go by and suddenly, the coffers are filled up once again. How does that happen?

I've finally come to realize that purging is a continual act that is never over. Never. We as a society love to collect stuff. Somewhere deep inside we must feel a success by the accumulation of merchandise. The more we have, the more successful our lives have become. That is our thought process.

I know that I feel very claustrophobic when the clutter becomes too much. I can't breath in a messy atmosphere. In fact, one of the things I do first in the mornings is clean up. I do this light sweep of the apartment picking up this or wiping that. The floor has to be swept and the dishes cleaned. I feel peaceful enough to then sit down and work on other tasks like my Ministry.

I often wonder if I ever will achieve the state of less is more. Maybe one day when I am alone? Even then, some people may look at my love of books or my yarn and consider that an excess. They may even consider it a messy clutter? Don't we all have something that may be viewed as too much? I may look at my mom's love of pictures on the wall as too much, but to her it is all love.

I guess it all depends on our perception of things. We all have our own opinion as to what is more and what is less. We just don't know how to combine the two into one as more is less. It's a work in progress that never seems to end.

Have a blessed day everyone.

30 Days Of More : Living More

                             Everyday is a brand new day,
                             everyday is a journey.


Come hither, lads, and harken,

For a tale there is to tell

Of the wonderful days a-coming,

When all shall be better than well.

Come, then, let us cast off fooling,

And put by ease and rest,

For the cause alone is worthy

Till the good days bring the best.

—William Morris

Living life more. Just three little words and yet, I struggle with what that truly means to me. To the average person, it represents spending time with friends and family. It means travelling and enjoying everything on the bucket list. Everyone has their own version of what living life more means to them.

Quite honestly, my life has been spent doing for others, I really don't know how to do for me. I know that the time will come where I will be by myself. I can't even picture that in my mind. It always has been plus one, so trying to select a way of life without the plus one is hard.

So what does it mean to me?

I guess doing the simple every day kind of things that I enjoy like crocheting, reading and feeling the sunshine on my face. I'm not big on making a bucket list a mile long and trying to accomplish it before I die. My living life is just being able to embrace the life I have.

My life needs to have a sense of purpose, a sense of organization and a busyness to it. The more on my plate the better. The more items I can crochet the better. The more charities I can donate to the better. Honestly, the more of what I do now. That to me is living life more. I just want to do more. Be more. Make a more of difference to others and here on Earth. That's what living life more means to me. 

So how do I do that? So how do I live more? I have to be bold and quite frankly, that has never been my strong suit. Just the thought freaks me out. All my insecurities come to the surface and doubt along with fear, run rampant, Breathe in, breathe out.

Have a blessed day everyone.

30 Days Of More: More Of Him

                                    Everyday is a brand new day,
                                    everyday is a journey.  

Dost thou ask when comes His hour?
    Then, when it shall aid thee best.
  Trust His faithfulness and power,
    Trust in Him, and quiet rest.
ANON.

In my journey as a Christian, I have seen my thirst for learning as much as I can about Christ, deepen as the years passed. I think this happens to all of us. We begin as baby Christians, all full of excitement and we are eager to begin that Bible study or serve in any capacity. We want to develop into better Christians and we willingly offer our time to the Church. We have a new found love and thirst for knowing Jesus more.

 As years pass, we keep on learning and growing in our faith. I should say, some of us. The people that began the journey with me, not many of them are still here. Somewhere along the way, perhaps during a trial of theirs, they fell off. Or their journey ended and began somewhere else in a place unknown to me. Who is to say whether they picked it up once again or not. Definitely shouldn't be me.

All I know is that I want to know more, be more and definitely do more. I want more of Him.

I have read of many great preachers and teachers of the word, all claiming they spend time in the morning with Jesus before doing anything else. Males seem to favor the closet for some reason, but not us women. We choose a beautiful spot in the garden, on a terrace or at least have a nice scenery to look at through the window. That is something I've always wanted to experience, but quite never got there. It would begin, but never lasted long enough to become a habit. Some habits are good for us.

I began journaling as a way to de-stress of everyday living, but I quickly realized that the journal became a prayer journal for others. I found myself praying for everyone I knew needed prayers. It started out so insignificantly small with a prayer request from a friend, then another and another. Now I find myself praying daily in that journal.

When I am unable to pray, I write down my reflections on a particular part of a devotion. I find my time each morning spent this way to be extremely relaxing and I look forward to it. Of course, there are days where I cannot find a moment to sit down with my journaling. There might be a dentist appointment or grocery shopping to do, just living an ordinary life. It's there sitting on my desk waiting for me. 

Have a blessed day everyone.

30 Days Of More: Encourages Wanted!

                         Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Truly God follows us with encouragements: 
let him not lose his blessing upon us! 
They come in season, and with all the
 advantages of heartening, as if God should say, "
Up and be doing, and I will stand by you and help you!" 
There is nothing to be feared but our own sin and sloth.
—Oliver Cromwell

The one thing that I think we are sorely needing nowadays are encouragers. People no longer encourage, nurture or even embrace the responsibility of a Christian to be the cheerleader in someone's life. I cannot tell you how many times any idea of mine or goal has been dampened by someone's ill advised words.

What? That's so stupid. Forget about it. Why would you do that? You want to do what?

Or a time where maybe I needed comfort only to be the one doing the comforting. There is always someone out there worse off than you, isn't there? Everyone needs an encouraging word or a hug or just a listening ear. If everyone out there listened to all these naysayers, we wouldn't have any kind of inventions. We would still be in the cave trying to stay warm for lack of a fire.

The world needs encouragers now more than ever. I want to be an encourager and try to do so, especially when speaking to a young person. They are so full of spirit and newness, ready to embrace life. So why do we feel we need to distinguish that fire in them? Why distinguish any person's fire at all?

I think it all boils down to envy. People are not happy for other's good fortune. Instead, they wonder why not me? I should have won that prize or had that happen to me. I deserve it more than that person. Envy ruins relationships faster than anything else.

 So how can we become better encouragers? I googled that exact sentence and many different websites appeared all offering the same bits of advice. It's all kind of basic and common sense really, but I will tell you what has worked for me.

1. We should congratulate people on any good fortune befallen to them even if your heart is not in it. The more we do it, the more it will become a natural thing to do. I've started this years ago and I do it now without thinking.
2. We need to pray for people even the ones we do not like. I have to admit it was especially hard for me to do so. I could pray for family and friends, but not those mean people. Well, I've started a prayer journal at the beginning of the year and I will one day be proficient in this area too. Just pray, pray, pray and keep on praying.
3. Why does it even matter? Jesus said that if we do not love other people, we don't love Him. That's enough for me to keep trying in bettering myself so I can help others. 
4. We can make a choice here and choose to be encouragers and perhaps grow as a nation, a culture, a body of believers. We can choose to do something good or choose to do something bad. Which would you rather be? I want to be known as someone that has inspired others to be better. When I get to Heaven, I want to meet the people in whom I've planted a seed. Lord, help me grow so I can be an encourager to others.

Have a blessed day everyone.

30 Days Of More: Putting On The Blinders

                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




Leave God to order all thy ways,
    And hope in Him, whate'er betide;
  Thou 'It find Him in the evil days
    Thy all-sufficient strength and guide;
  Who trusts in God's unchanging love,
  Builds on the rock that nought can move.
G. NEUMAR

In today's society, it's almost impossible to hide away from all the ads that are thrown at us from every angle. There are messages playing it's course everywhere. They are on our phones when we try to call our friends and family. They advertise all over social media, television and cable. We can't even drive without constantly being confronted with some sort of signage.

The lure of the visual is extremely powerful. We see things that appear delicious and inviting, desiring it, especially if we see others with it. If we want to stay focused on our goals that we have been working on, we need to put on the blinders. This way we only see what is in front of us (the goal) instead of being easily distracted by all the noise of merchandising and marketing. Deep down inside we know what is good for us and what isn't, but it's the temptation, that irresistible lure that sways us.

Sometimes, it's the people that can be the temptation. I cannot tell you how many times I have been confronted by friends or co-workers with "suggestions" of ways that would be so much better for me. Get this, do this, be this way. It would make your life so much easier. Stop with this Ministry thing. You need to go out more. Drink more. Party more. Be more.

How would these people know what is better for me? Just think about it, it does make sense. They are not in my home, walking in my shoes. They have no idea about my needs nor those of the people closest to me. We need to sometimes stop looking to other people, wrong people, that do not have our best interests at heart. You want to look to someone, look to God for guidance.

 There are more people out there doing the wrong thing than there are doing right. The blinders are set in place not to deter us, but to deter others away from us. Remember what we have to do as Christians by putting on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:14) and that includes the blinders. 

Have a blessed day everyone.

30 Days Of More: Trust And Faith

                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




How couldst thou hang upon the cross,
  To whom a weary hour is loss?
  Or how the thorns and scourging brook,
  Who shrinkest from a scornful look?
J. KEBLE.

We as Christians love to throw out words like trust and faith into every problematic situation. Just have more faith or have more trust in God. We love saying that, but are we walking the walk with what we are preaching? Do we have the kind of faith and trust that we tell others about? Declaring something and actually doing it are two separate things altogether.

I believe that we as Christians do have some level of trust and faith in God, we just need a bit more. I am always amazed at people who are filled to the top, actually brimming, with trust for God. They just know that things will turn out good no matter how tough the circumstances. They know it. They believe it deeply. Their faith is so strong, no one can shake them. Job was such a man. I want to be such a woman.

So how do we get that kind of faith and trust? We have to go through the fire. We have to experience the raw pain, the uncertainty, the heartbreaking devastation of living life. There's no way around it. We are not born with trust and faith, we have to acquire it.

When I was receiving all the care from my Oncology Team, I had tons of Faith and trust in God. It was easy, everything was approved and the more tests were done, the more I felt safe. Take away the more and I could almost hear God whispering to me, how much do you trust me now?

In the Bible, there are many instances where our trust in God was tested. Just look at Gideon and his 300 men (Judges 7). God took his entire army and left him with only 300 men to face his enemy. How well do you trust me Gideon?

When Moses parted the Red Sea, imagine the trust and faith it took for the Israelites to cross it (Exodus 14). I'm sure there was a bit of fear in thinking that perhaps the Sea would close them in. Yet, they did cross it successfully.

These are just two examples, but the Bible is full of such events where trust and faith were tested. We are so afraid of what we do not know. We fear that the pain will be so great that we will never get through it. How many times have feared something so badly that our anxiety went through the roof only to realize it was more in our head than in truth. We fear the unknown so much that we fail to realize that it could be the best thing for us.

So I guess, in a way, I have my answer. Through the fire I go.

Have a blessed day everyone.

30 Days Of More: What Do You Want?

                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


One lesson, and only one, history may
be said to repeat with distinctness; 
that the world is built somehow on moral foundations;
 that in the long run, it is well with the good
; in the long run it is ill with the wicked.
—James Anthony Froud

Before we go any further, I think I need to state something here. I do want material things just like everyone else. I want a nice home in a nice neighborhood. I want to furnish it with nice things. There is nothing wrong with wanting more of things. Nothing. We all work hard and should reward ourselves for doing so.

It's the excessiveness of too much of the more that is the problem. We try way too hard to keep up with all the latest gadgets, big and small. It's safe to say that we all pretty much know what we want even if it isn't good for us. We just keep accumulating and accumulating more.

What is it that I want?

 It may be hard to believe, but I am pretty simple. My idea of grandeur is nothing compared to most people. I don't need much, because only a couple of things are important to me like books and crocheting. When it comes to these items, I want more and more of them. Everything else is just for existing like a bed or a table. It doesn't have to be fancy, just nice enough.

My needs have certainly changed with each decade. I can remember a time where I loved to accumulate things like shoes. I had over 33 pairs of shoes once. Can you believe that? I liked large houses, the hubbub of the city and my wish list was longer than Santa's Workshop. I would look at magazines and dream of one day having enough money to purchase these things. I can't even imagine living like that now.

Our needs change and what I wanted ten years or twenty years ago has changed drastically. I am happy with one good pair of shoes for work, one for going out and one for Winter. I have no desire for a large home nor do I want to spend time cleaning it! Give me the simple pleasures of living life well in peace and nature. Breathe in and breathe out, living my best life.

Have a blessed day everyone

30 Days Of More: The End

                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Small service is true service while it lasts
:Of humblest friends scorn not one:
The daisy, by the shadow it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun.

—William Wordsworth.

The end of 2019 left a bitter pill for me to swallow. For the past two years, I have been dealing with a new insurance carrier that would not approve any of my Ct. scans or Petscans. My Oncologist would set up new appointments for a scan and list all the reasons behind it to no avail. The Insurance carrier would not budge. Their final assessment always ended with the same sentence: No probable cause found for a Petscan or Ct.scan. What?

No probable cause? I have a recurrent carcinoma, stage 3 ovarian cancer. I am a four time cancer survivor spanning twelve years. No probable cause? Are you kidding me? On the outside, I wrote a few posts commenting here and there on my blog, acting nonchalant about the entire experience. On the inside, I was fuming! I was left feeling angry, disappointed and disillusioned about the need for insurance in the first place. This insurance was useless to me and I felt they were taking my money without any gain to me. I might as well not even have insurance.

I must clarify that for the twelve years with cancer, I followed a very strict routine set by my Oncology Team. Every three months, like clockwork, I would have a Ct. scan or Petscan, lab work and a visit with my Oncologist. If anything turned up positive for cancer growth, we would start the treatment immediately happy to have caught it early. If everything was fine, I strolled off into the sunset feeling safe and secure until the next scheduled appointment.

There was a strong sense of security in that routine and one that I miss terribly. That was my more and without it I felt vulnerable.  I may have complained at times at always going to the hospital for an appointment, but I liked it. The more tests were done, the safer I felt. The more treatment I received, the stronger I felt. I didn't worry about my cancer, because I had an entire team keeping me healthy and alive. That's huge. Who wouldn't want that?

Then suddenly, the rug of safety and security is pulled from under me. That security blanket is snatched away and my more is gone. Nowadays, they just do a physical and some labs, that's it. That is my entire more. No more Ct. scans. No more Petscans. No more every three months. In fact, the majority of the Oncology Team is brand new. What do they know of the more that I need?

Have a blessed day everyone.

30 Days Of More: The Introduction

                        Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

A man's concern is only whether
 in doing anything he is doing right 
or wrong—
acting the part of a good man or a bad.
—Plato.

Through my entire cancer journey, God has shown me what He wanted. I once read that we undergo a major change in our lives every ten years. I believe it is true not just for us as individuals, but also as a culture, as a world, affecting every other aspect touching our lives. There is a fundamental shift or change that alters how we see, feel and experience universal growth. Take a look at technology and how it has grown over the last several decades. Then take a look at how it has affected our lives in our careers, families and as a society. Many good things came from it, but also there have been some significant not so good changes that have resulted in long term consequences we have yet to experience. Most likely we will see the effects of it in the next generation.

We are now entering a brand new decade and I cannot help, but wonder what it will bring to my family, my children and myself. Many people out there are predicting that this next decade will be about the more in our life. More money, more materialism, more technology, more discovery, more change. The list is endless at what and how it can affect us.

The more I think about it, the more I am concerned and intrigued at how it may affect me. The uncertainty of the future may hold it's excitement and thrill, but there is the darker side, too. What is lurking around that corner? Will it be something beneficial for me? Or will it be a major hurdle?

As many of you know, the last decade has ended for me in uncertainty. What I have known and become accustomed to has abruptly been pulled under me, leaving me feeling a bit lost. As I struggle to come to terms with the realization of all the conflicting emotions inside of me, I need to dig deep and discover what is causing all this turmoil. Why am I feeling this way? What is bringing about all this stress and anxiety? Why am I so apprehensive of this next decade?

The last time I wrote for 30 days, a change occurred inside of me as I was awakened to a life of simplicity. I discovered a person I wanted to be and the life I wanted to live. I hope the same will take place here on these pages. Writing has been such a wonderful therapeutic release for me and all of you have been my therapists reading every word. You have been there as each layer has been carefully peeled away. Sometimes, it was a perfect and easy peel, all done in one long piece. Another, so many broken ones that brought tears and we wept.

 God has always played a major role in my life and frankly, I cannot imagine Him not being there for me. He knew who I was on the inside and who I could become if I just trusted Him. So I am going to trust Him once again. Let's see what will emerge.

Have a blessed day everyone.

The City Fox

                                         Everyday is a brand new day,
                                           everyday is a journey.





I praise Thee while my days go on;
  I love Thee while my days go on:
  Through dark and dearth, through fire and frost,
  With emptied arms and treasure lost,
  I thank Thee while my days go on.
E. B. BROWNING

While dropping off a co-worker, we came across a fox lurking around her condo. It may sound like nothing to majority of you to have seen a fox, but when ones lives in a city, it's pure joy. Such a beautiful creature living in such a concrete place. Has the poor thing felt out of place here? Or has he adjusted as if this was the only thing he ever knew. I doubt if he had a choice in the matter.

Many of us are just like that fox, living where we are at, because this is all we know. I truly believe we do what we know, usually mimicking our parent's routines. I know when I began this journey I never ever expected to be doing what I do now. Who even knew that I was capable of any of this? Apparently God did know and He pulled all of it out of me.

I have many friends who are bold individuals or at least in my eyes. They have uprooted their families and moved away far away from anyone they know so they could start over again. A new place. A new beginning. A new way of life. Were they scared, I wonder? Did they ever feel overwhelmed by the weight of their decision? Every single one of these individuals claim they would do it again.

My own parents did the same. They took all of us and went across the Atlantic ocean to a Country where they didn't even speak the language. Bold individuals. Were they scared? Did they feel overwhelmed?

I'm sure they were, but the boldness inside of them was stronger, stronger than the fear.

Have a blessed day everyone.