Generation To Generation: Starting Out Right

                                                       Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.



Through love to light! 
O wonderful the way,
That leads from darkness 
to the perfect day!
From darkness and from
 sorrow of the night
To morning that comes 
singing o'er the sea.
Through love to light! through 
light O God to Thee!
Who art the love, 
the eternal light of light!

--Richard Watson Gilder.

Something I did not do right in life is start off the right way. When I look back, I think I did everything wrong. Quite the opposite! I should have gone to school and furthered my education. I should have waited and had children with a good man. I should have, could have, would have. I definitely could turn this into a sob story, but where I am now, is not where I used to be. Praise God for that!

One of my main goals in doing this series has been to improve on our ancestral heritage with the forthcoming generations. That's how you solve any repeating habits from the past. Someone has to make that first change, that first decision to be different and better than the last generation.

Somehow, both of my children have certainly been a whole lot smarter in this area. In fact, they have been smarter in many areas. I sometimes wonder where in the world did they get so much knowledge? It certainly wasn't from me. I always laugh that God raised my kids, because they turned out so well.

It physically pains me to see young people make the same mistakes as I have done, especially if they happen to be my family. This repeated pattern that we keep doing from one generation to the next needs to stop, but how do we get this message across? I certainly never listened to the older and wiser family member in my time, why should they? 

I see the same mistake in my younger friends. They seem to be determined to make their own mistakes even if it takes them on a long and difficult road in life. It must be something inside of us as human beings that we refuse to listen to sound advice from elders. Is it how we were built?

When I look back on my relatives who have beat the repeating pattern (whatever it may be) did so, because of a deep desire to not be where their ancestor resided. They learned from observing how their relatives lived their lives. They saw the consequences that stemmed from bad decisions. They decided to be and live differently.

So that's what I am hoping for with this new series. I want to decipher what those repeating habits are and examine the outcomes from these generational mistakes. I want to make sure we stop making the same bad decisions by bringing them to the forefront. I have no idea how long this series will be or how often I will write about it. My goal for this year is to concentrate on breaking these chains our family has been shackled in for generations. 

Maybe you too can learn something about your own family in the process. Have a blessed and a Happy New Year.

There Goes The Donut

                                                          Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                           everyday is a journey.


wrestle not with rage
While fury's flame doth burn;
It is vain to stop the stream
Until the tide doth turn.

But when the flame is out
And ebbing wrath doth end
I turn a late enraged foe
Into a quiet friend.

--Robert Southwell.

So it all began with a job making extra money dressed as a donut for a grand opening at a new Dunkin Donuts. Guess who was wearing that costume?

So for about 7 days, she dressed up as a donut and stood outside in the freezing cold. Nothing unusual there, right? Yes, but unbeknownst to her, one of the managers knew her from when he was scoping her workplace as a Barista in the neighboring coffee shoppe for a couple of weeks. He would come in and observe how everyone worked, how many hours, what their duties entailed and their customers service.

So when she walked in, he knew her by name. Wait, what happened to the cup of coffee that stood out with her that first day? Well, he lasted a total of two days! Never showed up again. 

By the end of her career as a donut, they offered her a job as a baker making croissants, bagels and muffins every morning. Morning? Yup, morning. For six days straight, she begins her day at 2:30 a.m. until 10:00 a.m., just perfect. 

She has been hoping to have a morning shift for the last year getting nowhere in her last job in regards to it. So not only did she get the desired shift that pays more money and has way more hours, but it also pays more. Did I mention it is right across from my Company? Yup, that parking lot behind her happens to be mine. 


So that is the story of a donut. When one door closes, God opens even a better one.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Another Pajama Nesting

                                                                 Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                  everyday is a journey 






Yet Love will dream, and Faith will trust
    (Since He who knows our need is just),
  That somehow, somewhere, meet we must.
    Alas for him who never sees
    The stars shine through his cypress trees;
  Who hath not learned in hours of faith,
    The truth to flesh and sense unknown,
  That life is ever Lord of Death,
    And Love can never lose its own.
J. G. WHITTIER.

Oh, how I need my nesting days! I long for the rest and relaxation of shutting ourselves in doing the things we love. Sometimes, we need to shut the world out so we can re-energize our souls. Refresh. Reboot. Relax. 

For a minute there I was a bit worried there would be no time for any kind of nesting. It's been go, go, go all month long. It has made me realize that we all need something to help us relieve the stress in our life. My relief might come this way, but what about the average general public? How do others de-stress? Hmm, I wonder.

Emily and I ran around getting all our last minute chores and errands done so we could enjoy our nesting. Yes, I'm not the only one enjoying this pajama nesting day. When you have two people working toward one goal, it gets done faster. 

Getting a glimpse of the upcoming month of January, I knew it would be another busy one. Multiple doctor appointments, working overtime and just plain living life. I wanted to get a head start on my writing projects to have available when that busyness began. The same for my YouTube vlogs. 

There is nothing more relaxing for me than writing and crocheting. I often wonder how I ever made it through life without it. I mean, I just discovered this passion in my early forties. No wonder I was always angry in my younger days, I had no way to de-stress!

So that's it folks. If I'm not answering the phone or am late with my e-mails, that's because I'm nesting! So let me get back to it.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

A Christmas Eve Tradition

                                                          Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                           everyday is a journey.



In battle or business, 
whatever the game,
In law or in love,
 it is ever the same:
In the struggle for power, 
or scramble for pelf,
Let this be your motto:
 "Rely on yourself."

--John G. Saxe.

I wanted to get up really early, truly I did, but I was just too tired! Why would it matter anyway? I'm home for Christmas vacation and have no need to be up early for anything. Oh, but you are wrong!

We have this Polish tradition that we have been acting out every Christmas Eve. For as long as I could remember, we would try to be the very best we could on this day. We believe that how your Christmas Eve goes that's how the rest of the year will go,too. 

If you wake up late, then you will be waking up late all year.

If you argue with people, then your relationships will not go well all year.

If you have many calls or visits, then all year long you will have many social activities.

If you cry on this day, you will be crying all year long.

You get the picture. Of course, I slept in and didn't get up real early at all. In fact, all of my plans of being busy cleaning, laundry and stuff went poof. I had a really nice day, relaxing with writing and crocheting. A perfect day. 

Of course, we are not superstitious people so we are only having fun with it. It's still nice to kid around and laugh. I can remember my mom even washing her face in a bowl of water with coins in it for prosperity for the year. They are just fun filled traditions of old to pass on to the next generation. 

What are some family traditions within your own family that you still continue with all this time? Have you made any of your own? I would definitely love to hear about them all. How was your Christmas Eve?

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The More

                                                           Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                           everyday is a journey.


O Light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine's blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

--George Matheson.

I looked out the kitchen window and there was my downstairs neighbor filling up her car with antifreeze. There wasn't much in it, she kept tapping the container for every drop to come out. Recently, she had a real bad accident. Her passenger front end was squashed like an accordion ribbon. I knew from past experience her car was leaking fluids. After a bad crash like that one, things get loosened under that hood. The car starts to break down, bit by bit. 

I went outside, opened my trunk and pulled out two containers of antifreeze to hand over to her. I didn't need them anymore. I have been blessed with a good car that I regularly take care of and maintain. My fluids are filled every three months when I get an oil change. 

She gladly took them. Then she asked me if I could help her out with this and with that. This wasn't the first time that Emily and I have come to help our neighbors or friends. Nor will it be the last. This blog isn't about bragging rights to generosity. She did however catch me off guard, because I certainly wasn't expecting the this and the that. Somehow, it left me with a bad taste in my mouth. 

At supper that night, I told Emily about the experience and she says to me: And then she wanted more. Yeah, she wanted more. 

You know, we are taught as Christians to help others in need and to do it willingly. Which we do, but there are people who always want more. You know that saying, "Give them an inch, they want a whole yard." It's the absolute truth. Refuse and you are likely to be labelled a bad Christian. Or worse, I thought she was a Christian. 

The truth is that God never intended us to be doormats. He really doesn't want us to be taken advantage of by others. A person can only turn the other cheek for so long and then it's time to turn away. The same thing for generosity. Some people will always want more. A twenty becomes forty. A thumb becomes a whole hand. So when does the giving stop?

Finding a balance between being a generous and loving neighbor versus a doormat, can be challenging. In the past, I would have given in each and every time regardless if it was  an imposition on me or not. I always thought I could not refuse being generous. It's different now. If something doesn't feel good, there is a little uncertainty about it, I don't do it. I politely refuse. So I'm sorry, but sometimes I have to say no to the more.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

A Very Simple Christmas

                                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Look thou with pity on a brother's fall,

But dwell not with stern anger on his fault;
The grace of God alone holds thee,

 holds all;
Were that withdrawn, t

hou too wouldst swerve and halt.

J. EDMESTON.

Christmas . . . such a special time of the year. When one has children, especially small ones, the month is spent doing all things Christmas. We would make handmade decorations, cookies, visits with Santa and Holiday musical specials at school or Church. The sky is the limit.

I, myself, have changed towards Christmas and it's traditions. I no longer crave all the extravagant trappings of a modernized and materialistic Christmas. I want the simple. The meaning to have value. The tradition of family.

If I had my way and I really mean a space, a permanent home, I would host a traditional Christmas. I've always wanted to do one. Not the modern version, but the version of old when Christmas trees were decorated by cookies, orange slices and nuts. I often wonder what was their dinner consisting of? I am almost sure it wasn't a turkey or ham. The decor would also be from time past. All presents would have to be handmade. 

We could sit around playing cards, singing songs or playing games. Well, we do that part now anyways, but still, it would be great fun to include it. On every plate, I would place an orange as a special treat for everyone. I heard that back then fruit was a huge deal and usually reserved for Christmas and birthdays. Imagine giving a child an orange nowadays. What would they think?

I would love to have a Christmas such as I mentioned above. Maybe one day I will.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Wrapping It Up

                                                       Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



Thou art my King--
My King henceforth alone;
And I, Thy servant, Lord, am all Thine own.
Give me Thy strength; oh! let Thy dwelling be
In this poor heart that pants, my Lord, for Thee!
G. TERSTEEGEN.


Boy, am I glad I don't have a huge shopping list this year. I simply detest shopping, especially in crowds. The few that I went shopping for sent me off in a fit. People are rude, especially when it comes to parking. None of the employees I encountered knew where the puzzles were or even understood what I was talking about.

Such is life! It has been one of the busiest weeks thus far. Another shipment went out for the Ministry, but it was two large boxes and 3 mats. I am still in awe over how much we were able to send out this month. Praise God, indeed!

I used to be so much better at being done ahead of time. Everything seemed to crop up at the last minute and suddenly time would run away from me. I will definitely do better next year. 

I have to be honest here, but I am looking forward to this month ending. There is a blog post I intend on writing about this crazy December. It certainly was a month of things breaking and my attempts at fixing them. Even though, I felt hurried and as if my projects didn't get completed, I still did a lot. 

The closer it gets to Christmas, the more excited I feel. It's not for the presents or the grand feast. It has to do with the intimacy of a special birthday for my dear Savior. O Holy Night! Our Dear Lord was borne. My special light within my heart.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

This Drafty Place

                                                         Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




When obstacles and trials seem
Like prison-walls to be,
I do the little I can do,
And leave the rest to Thee.
F. W. FABER

I shivered, couldn't help it. I have been sitting at my desk hoping to get a head start on this huge paper pile in front of me. There's always so much to do, isn't it? Our apartment hasn't really felt nice and cozy. It kind of feels a bit drafty. 

I didn't winter seal the windows as good as I have done in the past. I only did one or two of them thinking the others wouldn't matter. I was wrong. I could feel the draft and for me, that is unusual. Normally, I am very warm and content. 

Looking around our apartment, I realize just how drafty this place has become with the weather change. This home of ours is not the best looking, but it is sure cozy. Or at least, it is that way for me. Emily on the other hand, well she calls it the ghetto, because it is run down. It does need a complete remodel and I like to call it the Green Acres. Do you remember that show? Pretty old, but that's how I feel about this drafty place. Don't touch anything, it might fall off.

It may be drafty and in need of great repair, but I sure feel comfortable. My little haven where we can escape from the outside world whenever we feel overwhelmed. Although, I feel that others would not feel the same. I believe people judge too much the homes that others live in. 

So why do we live here? Have you ever been in an in between place? That's what this place truly is to us. It is cheap, a mere fifteen minutes to both of our jobs and away from the city. It's where we need to be until we go where we really should be. So it's drafty. It's not very pretty. It will do for now. It's still not too late to do the other windows.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The Mammogram Experience

                                                                      Everyday is a brand new day, 
                                                                       everyday is a journey.

When obstacles and trials seem
Like prison-walls to be,
I do the little I can do,
And leave the rest to Thee.
F. W. FABER

It's 5:00 a.m. and once again, I'm getting up to face the day. For someone who hibernates in Winter, I've been up and at it pretty aggressively this Season. Then again, it really isn't Winter yet, is it?

So what brings me up this morning? An appointment for a mammogram. Nothing serious, just a routine yearly visit to get the girls checked. How long is the average time spent in a mammogram? Fifteen minutes or so? 

I dropped off Emily at work and was on my way by 7 a.m right in the middle of rush hour traffic. The trip itself is one I have taken for the last 11 1/2 years. I could do it in my sleep with my eyes closed. My experience with the Hospital and clinic has changed since that time. I've noticed quite an increase of patients in the waiting room. Not just in Oncology, but radiology, labs and even in physical therapy. People are sicker than before or more people have insurance? Hmm, I think the first is more actual.

Anyway, I arrived and signed in at 8:35 a.m. Something totally new happened when the receptionist called me up. She handed me a tablet to enter in all my information. Now at first I thought it was just a survey about my visit there, but it asked me personal info like address and phone. It just went on and on with these questions that I thought they should have had in the computer. What was the purpose of my coming up to the receptionist then? I should have come up to a kiosk with a computer straight from the beginning. Who needed her there? I just felt that was weird.

The exam itself, although a little uncomfortable and maybe a bit hurtful, goes by pretty quickly. The technicians have always been super nice and comforting. No problems there.

 On my way out, I once again noticed how quickly the waiting room filled up while my exam was going on. The same thoughts when I was in the parking garage. In fact, no more cars could enter, because it was full. It was only 10:30 a.m. in the morning. I have never seen it this busy before. 

Makes one wonder, for sure. Have a blessed day everyone. 

A Six Year Plan: The Debt

                                                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



What is rightly done stays with us, 
to support another right beyond, 
or higher up; 
whatever is wrongly done vanishes; 
and by the blank, 
betrays what we would have built above. 
--John Ruskin.



The debt . . . we all have it. Some of us are knee deep in it and for others, we have sunk a long time ago. Quite a few years back, I was one of those people drowning in my debt. I made an investment in taking a financial class and I've never regretted it. It has changed everything for me.

Once you get hold of your financial situation, you can make decisions based on how much you owe and to whom. Paying off something, no matter how little, is better than nothing. I wanted to live a life that was debt free and I went out to do just that.

I took a nine week financial class, sat down one day to go through whatever debt I had and began paying off this debt. By the end of these six years, I want to be ahead and not behind. I want to be debt free.

So what does that look like? It's all about choice. The choice I was making in the type of lifestyle I wanted to live. I became tired of barely making it every paycheck. I decided to take control of my life by learning how to manage my money instead of the other way around. It wasn't easy, because the debt was high and the income not large enough to pay it off. As time goes by, the debt becomes smaller and the feeling of freedom more powerful.

If one wants to live a certain way, financial freedom offers that. Getting there is another story. I think the work involved scares off many people from pursuing it. We all crave it and long for it, but the giving up part is difficult. Believe me, I know. There are many times I am visiting a friend and she has this gorgeous home with gorgeous furniture. The green eyed monster comes out. 

So this coming year, I will attack this goal harder than ever. To pay off debt, one needs money whether that means taking on an extra job or working overtime. Either way, it will be done. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Veering Off Course

                                                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




 I do not ask my cross to understand,
    My way to see;
  Better in darkness just to feel Thy hand,
    And follow Thee.
ADELAIDE A. PROCTER.


My life has been filled with wrong turns and wrong paths. How could I have strayed so off course? I'm not blaming others, but myself. I allowed things to happen. because I had no gumption. I have been fearful of the unknown all of my life and I had no idea how to live boldly. When I was young, I told myself I wouldn't live my life with regrets. Isn't that what I am doing now?

The way I imagined my life to be back then was totally different from the way it turned out. For one thing, I never saw the cancer. Ever. That certainly was never in my plans, but then who does? It's not like we make a chart of our life the way we see it and say to ourselves, hey, let me put cancer down, too. No, it always seems to come by as a surprise. 

As the year comes to a close, I find myself reflecting. Of course, I also have noticed an increase in this reflection business. I have spent too much time in it. It's all fine and dandy to try to learn from our past experiences, but we can become enveloped in it too much. 

Yes, I have made many bad choices in life, but I am not the only one. I think we all have done so. I do believe I am guilty  and need to accept my part in it, but there are people in our lives who take advantage of situations and leave us with that guilt. 

Lately, I cannot stop thinking about the story of Joseph and the famous verse that comes from it. They meant it for evil, but God meant it for good. I cannot help that there were times in my life where the people in my life took what I meant for good and turned it into evil. 

I'm saying this, because I will no longer dwell in the past moments of my life, kicking myself for my choices. That was then, this is now. That was the Lottie before Jesus, now lives Jesus in Lottie. That is a huge difference. We spend way too much time blaming ourselves for our past. Yes, we need to acknowledge our part, but we also need to believe that we are forgiven by the Almighty. We need to stop living in that shame. Shed it. Leave it. Move on.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

How Do You Fix A Sinking Chair?

                                                        Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.





Then bless thy secret growth, nor catch
    At noise, but thrive unseen and dumb;
  Keep clean, bear fruit, earn life, and watch
    Till the white-winged reapers come.
H. VAUGHAN

My daily morning routine consists of this: I get up and make my coffee. l quickly pop a bagel in the oven and get dressed. My vitamins lay on my desk, all ready for me by Emily. She never forgets, because she knows I probably would. I bring my bagel and coffee to my desk. I raise the lever on my chair, lifting it up to the high position. 

I like it that way, because my knees hurt if it's in the lower. When I rise, it places too much pressure on them . So I sit down and the chair slowly lowers itself to the lowest position. I get up, raise the lever again and sit down. Same thing happens. I sigh. 

I could play this game all morning long. Up and down, up and down. I curse. Did I ever tell you that my grandchildren take bets on how many times will grandma Lottie curse or say something inappropriate? 

When all else fails, just pop a load of laundry in. There's always laundry to do and it can take your mind off the aggravation. Besides, no one will be able to hear you cussing or fussing over the machines. 

There are times where I want to literally throw the desk chair out the window. Then I calm down and remind myself of a very important rule in our home. We don't replace anything or upgrade anything unless it becomes broken. This is one way we deal with materialism and with saving money. 

I've tried replacing the desk chair with other chairs in the house, but they are not the appropriate height. I've tried placing pillows on the seat as a booster, but they don't work either. I do know there is a solution here, but you know how I feel about fixing things and my love affair with them. I could go online and see how to fix that problem for good. I have a feeling it will involve tools and plenty of patience. 

Let's see how long I can sweep the problem under the carpet before actually taking care of it properly.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Out Of Commission

                                                          Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                           everyday is a journey.




To live within a cave--
it is most good;
But if God made a day,
And some one come, and say,
"Lo! I have gathered faggots in the wood!
E'en let him stay,
And light a fire,
 and fan a temporal mood!
So sit till morning! 
when the light is grown
That he the path can read,
Then bid the man Godspeed!
His morning is not thine: 
yet must thou own
Those ashes on the stone.
They have a cheerful warmth.

--Thomas Edward Brown.

On my off days, I ended up recording quite a few videos for YouTube. I never uploaded them, but had them saved on my tablet. Well, something is going on with my tablet and suddenly it doesn't want to work. Whatever, another technology problem. 

Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder if my YouTube days are numbered and I should just hang it up. This is one of the most challenging thing I have ever done. The Ministry was so easy it just happened. The blog, well, the words came flooding out as well. I didn't even know I could write. The group was pretty easy as well. I just didn't want to do it, that's all. 

This YouTube thing is different. Talk about being out of your comfort zone. Where did this idea come from? What made me think I could do this? Yet, there is a part of me that wants to keep hanging on saying don't quit. So I guess I will continue to plug on. I do have some ideas of what to do next, so bear with me.

On the other hand, I haven't exactly been feeling all that good since Thanksgiving. Nothing too bad just an upset stomach here and there. I've finally realized that I haven't been drinking my water. Since the cold temperatures, I've reverted to hot tea. Apparently, the hot tea doesn't flush out all the toxins like the water. Back to water I go. 

Otherwise, things have been plugging along as well as expected. 

Until next time, have a blessed day everyone. 

More Connection Problems

                                                                      Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                         everyday is a journey.




O Giver of each perfect gift!
  This day our daily bread supply;
  While from the Spirit's tranquil depths
  We drink unfailing draughts of joy.
LYRA CATHOLICA.


So here we are again! After getting up very early to go grocery shopping with my mom, I came home to unpack and put away the items. Finally sitting down with my cup of coffee, I noticed we have no wifi. What? No wifi? The end of the world has come! If there is one thing I need is wifi. 

Again, I go to the main monitor and begin the whole process of disconnecting, counting to fifteen and connecting every single wire back together. Of course, that didn't work. It never works, but they want you to go through this process. I think they do that to keep you busy and not yelling at them.

So Emily says to me: My man better know how to fix "blank" because this is ridiculous.

I say to her: Not all men know.

Emily: Well, he better learn quick.

Nothing was happening so I had to do the dreaded thing  . . . .call them. Ugh! Thankfully, they already had a pre-recorded message for everyone. They are aware of the situation and they are working feverishly on this problem, hopefully restoring service by 03:09 p.m. By then, I should be well into my shift at work. Might as well do something else.

Funny thing, it was so quiet I could hear the clouds move outside. I know, because I sat there staring at them through the window. I was attempting to crochet, but this silence was cramping it's style. I just couldn't concentrate. My mind drifted off to what Ted said to me on the train. He said to me that apparently wifi is very important to you. You need to invest in something better then. He is right. If something is extremely important to you, you will spend the money on it. 

So when did it finally come on? It wasn't 03:09 p.m. like the promised. It was more like 06:30 p.m. Thank goodness I was at work. The silence would have killed me.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Back To Work

                                                                  Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                    everyday is a journey.




O will, that wiliest good alone,
Lead Thou the way, Thou guides! best;
A silent child, I follow on,
And trusting lean upon Thy breast.
And if in gloom I see Thee not,
I lean upon Thy love unknown;
In me Thy blessed will is wrought,
If I will nothing of my own.
GERHARD TERSTEEGEN.

Back to work after this short hiatus as we transitioned from Avon to Fareva. The Avon sign that I have stared at for over 23 years was gone as I pulled into the parking lot. There were three flagpoles standing boldly and proudly in front of the building. On it were the American flag, the French flag and a flag with the name Fareva. 

Funnily, no emotion ran through me. I think I have been waiting for this change to happen. I knew deep inside that if this didn't happen, we would have ended up in the unemployment line. Those are real facts, folks. 

Right now, we are a bit behind production so that means working 10 hour days and a Saturday. Not a problem. I have decided to embrace all that Fareva had to offer. I may not know what the future may look like for me, but I want to be ready for when it happens. At least, financially.

It's funny how a different, but positive attitude can change one's outlook on things. It certainly feels real good to walk into work nowadays. It is no longer an ordeal that I dread and count the days until my retirement. I am making an effort and it shows. 

I never thought I would feel this way about my job. It certainly has been a negative aspect of my life that I felt I couldn't overcome. I am so glad that I was able to finally do just that.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Revisiting An Old Friend

                                                  Everyday is a brand new day,

                                                  everyday is a journey.

We would fill the hours with the sweetest things,

If we had but a day:
We should drink alone at the purest springs,
In our upward way:
We should guide our wayward or wearied will,
By the clearest light:
We should keep our eyes on the heavenly hills,
If they lay in sight:
We should be from our clamorous selves set free,
To work and pray:
And be what the Father would have us to be,
If we had but a day.

--Margaret E. Sangster.

I've been missing my old friend, Linda. Somehow, I never thought she would die ahead of me. We began cancer together and I thought we would go out the same way. I didn't expect her to die and now I miss her very much. 

When things are uncertain and scary, we surround ourselves with the good ole friendships that we know will love us no matter what happens. Linda loved me, this I knew for sure. I knew that even when I would see her, there would be a smile on her face. It was given. She always had a smile for me and yet I know she suffered from depression. There were times when I called and she would slam the phone down. I knew that she needed to be alone at that time. 

That's why it is doubly hard for me to understand Allison. Nothing in my journey with cancer shocks me anymore. I have encountered all types of people and no matter how mad they may have been, they welcomed me into their circle. Deep down inside, they wanted and needed someone to hold their hand or listen to their story. Allison wants neither.

I have held many friendships with fellow cancer survivors and warriors. This is nothing new for me. I enjoy being part of that select clique that only we cancer people can understand. I wish I had a larger circle to call friend. Don't mind me, I'm just missing my old friend Linda. Missing our time together. Missing her.

Have a blessed day everyone.