Prune thou thy words,
the thoughts control
That o'er thee swell and throng;
They will condense within thy soul,
And change to purpose strong.
--John H. Newman.
I had a mini meltdown the other day, a regular pity party. I was so upset that I wanted to lash out at everyone. My joints have been hurting for several days and because of the pain, bitterness filled me. I saw everyone as my enemy.
It's so easy to fall back into that someone we used to be. A someone we thought was buried forever, but in reality, they're just buried in a shallow grave ready to pop up whenever we are down. Reflecting back on my weekend, I thought I was done with her. Who said she could come back?
After all was said and done, everything turned out really good. Then why do we automatically worry and think the worst in every trial? Lord knows, that whatever I was worried about, always the worst scenario, didn't even come close to occurring. All those tears and anguish for nothing. Well, almost for nothing.
Yesterday at lunch, my girlfriend and I were talking about how easily we can fall back into our old way of life, even if it is for a split second. We all do it. The difference is that some of us never get back up again, but end up living the old life. I have always been fascinated with why that happens at all. I mean, why do some get up while others stay fallen back? Is one stronger mentally or has a deeper faith than the other?
It's questions like these that fill my head. The problem is that we all may have ideas why that happens, but in truth, will we ever know? I, myself, cannot imagine a life without Christ. Yet, there are people who feel differently. I know these people. I often wish I could change their minds, but I cannot change their hearts.
So the meltdown is over, reflections followed and a little bit of shame, too. I thought I was better than that, but obviously I'm still a work in progress.
Have a blessed day everyone.
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