The June Gathering

                                                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




Thy presence fills my mind with peace,
    Brightens the thoughts so dark erewhile,
  Bids cares and sad forebodings cease,
    Makes all things smile.
CHARLOTTE ELLIOTT.

Around here, one can always tell when Summer is officially here, even if the calendar says otherwise. My Ministry ladies just love getting together for our monthly gathering at the woods or parks or anywhere outdoors. This always signifies the Summer Season has begun. 

I can always tell just by the type of place where we meet, what kind of turnout I will have. They love, love the outdoors, especially under this tree.

A truly beautiful day it was and not just because of the scenery. There is something calming about the woods, isn't it?

Always the same picture under the same tree. The same expressions on our faces. I look at this and see a story progression from year to year.

The "I want a tan" group.

The baby lover and nurturer Linda.

Lola and Brigette have been with this Ministry from the very beginning. When we began, four years ago, Ermes was the only child and not even in school yet. Now, we have three: Ermes, Eli, Elvis.

Yup, can't get enough of that Elvis!

Our

 famous tree.

Chocolate chip cookies anyone?

Beautiful and peaceful morning.

Breathtaking.

Karen and I.

I love these ladies and our time in the Summer. Four year Anniversary just around the corner. So glad to have these ladies in my life. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Ovarian Cancer Pt. 2

                                                                        Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




Is thy cruse of comfort wasting?
    Rise and share it with another,
  And through all the years of famine,
    It shall serve thee and thy brother.
  Is thy burden hard and heavy?
    Do thy steps drag heavily?
  Help to bear thy brother's burden;
    God will bear both it and thee.
ELIZABETH CHARLES

Cancer. . . . no one wants to hear that C word. Cancer occurs when the cells in an area of the body grow abnormally. Ovarian cancer is the seventh most common cancer in women. The other six? Breast, colon, endometrial, lung, cervical and skin cancer, in that order.

Ovarian cancer is also known as the silent killer since it has really no early symptoms. It cannot be detected simply by having a pap smear. The symptoms when they do appear could be associated with just about anything. Hence, the silent killer nickname.

What are some symptoms that are associated with ovarian cancer? Well, abdominal pain, indigestion, loss of appetite, bloating, urinary frequency, feeling full quickly, lower back pain, altering in constipation and diarrhea, sudden weight loss and vaginal bleeding. Like I said, who hasn't had any of these at one time or another. A very subtle list.

Cancer can be categorized into one of the following stages:
Stage 1: The cancer is found in one or both ovaries.
Stage 2: The cancer has spread from one or both ovaries to other tissues in the pelvis, uterus or fallopian tubes.
Stage 3: The cancer has spread outside the pelvis or nearby lymph nodes. Most commonly the cancer spreads to the apron of the fatty tissue that hangs down from the colon and stomach, intestine, diaphragm and the outside of the liver. 
Stage 4: The cancer has spread to tissues outside the abdomen and pelvis. The most common place for the cancer to spread is in the space around the lungs.

My cancer stage is 3. I didn't understand any of these things in the beginning nor did I want to. It wasn't until a good four and half years later when my first re-occurrence happened that I took stock of my illness. I was naive. I thought once was all it took. I went through it and survived. I was done with cancer. Nothing could be farther from the truth. That's when my education began. Four re-occurrences later, I'm still learning.

If you have a chronic illness or know someone close to you with a chronic illness, please learn all you can about your disease so you can prepare yourself for combat. Don't be like me and wait years after to acquire the knowledge I should have right in the beginning. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Meet Thy Neighbors

                                                             Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                             everyday is a journey.


The year's at the spring
And the day's at the morn;
The hillside's dew-pearled;
The lark's on the wing:
The snail's on the thorn;
God's in his heaven:
All's well with the world.

--Robert Browning.

After living here for almost six months, we've finally met the neighbors! Amazing! It wasn't by choice, but rather, by chance. 

We awoke one Saturday morning to the sounds of our neighbors outside. Anna, the one living below us, left her car running all night and the battery was dead. I know, I know. How or why would anyone leave their car running all night and then forget about it? Shrug, I'm not here to judge. Once, I ran the red light and hit another car. How or why did I do that? Shrug?

I came out and moved my car so one of the neighbors can give her a jump. I was happy to do so. You see, I loved to see the guys from our building come out to help her. They cared. They did not leave her until her vehicle was up and running. 

That says a lot about the people living here. I'm glad I witnessed and been part of that morning, because I now know that if I need help, they'll be there. I can count on them when I'm in a bind. They'll answer my knock. Good neighbors are truly hard to find. When you don't get along with someone, life can be difficult.I have seen it way too much.

When I was a little girl, we lived on the second floor above this senior couple. Every time we moved or made a sound, out came the broom handle and the lady would bang up on her ceiling. Constantly. There was no appeasing those two. We were always too loud and too misbehaved for them. My poor mother had her hands full always apologizing and trying to make peace.

So I like my neighbors and how everyone, so far, seems to respect one another's quiet and privacy. I've seen one of them do laundry at like midnight and no one complained. How awesome is that? Another plus, people here have parties, but they know when to turn it down. This was a problem by our old place, especially with the family across the street from us. I do not miss that. So far, so good.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Understanding Ovarian Cancer

                                                                 Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                    everyday is a journey.


All common things, each day's events
That with the hour begin and end,
Our pleasures and our discontents
Are rounds by which we may ascend.

--Henry W. Longfellow.

Boy, have I learned a lot in these past ten years in regards to my cancer! In all of this time, I've never gotten technical with my cancer. Rarely, will I post stories full of medical terminology that no one can understand. I know I don't want to read that kind of stuff.

Yet, I find myself thinking that others may not feel the same. Maybe, someone has a need to know, because they may be in that season where I was once.. . .searching. So this post is for you.

I have stage 3 ovarian cancer. My cancer is a re-occurring cancer which means it comes back after a time. It can come back in the same place or somewhere else. Mine always comes back in the same spot. My CA125 count is 5, which is fantastic! 

I didn't know all these things until much later when I found a website for cancer survivors. There, on that website, I found answers to questions I never asked! From that point on I became an informed patient. I took hold of my well-being and decided to do everything I possibly can to prolong my life. The quality of life.

That's why it's extremely important to work with your treatment team and healthcare professionals associated with your care. Remember it is very important to choose your doctor and hospital. Did you know that women with ovarian cancer who have their surgery for ovarian cancer done by a gynecologic oncologist have higher cure rates than women who have surgery by another type of doctor? 

I certainly didn't. I just assumed that every hospital out there and cancer medical team would provide the service and treatment I needed. They may have provided it, but compassion and professionalism was missing. So be careful out there when searching for your doctor. Do the research needed for the type of illness you are experiencing.

Another thing, be prepared to be as open with your doctor as possible. Develop a relationship with them where nothing is too personal to bring up. You should be able to speak freely with one another without any kind of restraints. Before your visit, write down any kind of questions you may have or take notes during your visit. I know I forget most of the terminology when it comes to my cancer. I can only explain it in basic terms. For instance, my doctor will sometimes draw a diagram that I can understand. 

The type of treatment depends on three things: 1) The stage and grade of your cancer. 2) The size and location of your cancer. 3) Your age and general health. No one has the exact same treatment. We could have the same type of cancer, but each of us will be treated differently and we will react to it differently. That's what is troublesome about cancer. What works for you, may not work for me. 

Well, I hope this helps someone on their journey. Have a blessed day everyone.

That Crazy Mat Lady

                                                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


We scatter seeds with careless hands,
And dream we ne'er shall see them more;
But for a thousand years
Their fruit appears
In weeds that mar the land.

--John Keble

Getting my hair done the other week, I was asked the 64,000 question. 

Do you still crochet for that Ministry? Of course. Your not crocheting now like you used to. Well, I'm working on homeless mats out of plastic. Out of what? Plastic.

She sits down and smiles at me, not saying a word. I asked her why she was smiling and she just shook her head. It was a weird smile, you know, like she found it crazy. Like I was crazy. 

This happens quite a lot. People look at me weird like why would I even consider doing something like that? And then with plastic? They don't have time for this silly nonsense of mine. 

It never fails, every time I'm seen collecting or carrying these plastic bags, someone has to ask that question. Always the same reaction. Always. It has gotten to the point where I avoid people. Okay, I get it, I'm the crazy mat lady.

Which it makes me wonder, why do people find this astonishing? Don't people help out one another anymore? Charity work has gone out of fashion? What about volunteering? Oh, I guess that's only for Church.

Then there is that one person, and I mean one person that I run into that changes everything. They get it. They love it. They want to know more about it. They offer suggestions. They make me feel normal.

Have a blessed day everyone.

The Parking Spot

                                                             Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



O Love, how cheering is Thy ray!
    All pain before Thy presence flies;
  Care, anguish, sorrow, melt away,
    Where'er Thy healing beams arise.
  O Father, nothing may I see,
  Nothing desire, or seek, but Thee.
P. GERHARDT.

I have mentioned before my company's commitment to fundraising for breast cancer. One of their newest fundraiser happens to be raffling off two parking spaces near the door. Actually, it's not that new. It has been around for about a year now. 

I've never really been into this fundraising, opting to buy a raffle ticket only once before. To me, I didn't mind parking way in the back. It is what it is. 

One day, the raffle is going on and I just happen to have a ten in my pocket. That's a rarity since I don't carry paper money on me. All my bills are paid on-line, therefore, I don't carry any on me. That day, I had that ten and thought to myself, "why not?" 

Now, there was an individual that has won that parking spot over and over again. He just kept winning and people were like don't even bother, Lottie. He will win again. He spends a lot of money so he has many chances of winning. Well, if the Lord sees fit for me to have that spot, I will have that spot no matter how much money is spent on it. And that's what happened. 

For the last three months, I had that parking spot by the front door  and loving every single moment of it. I am thankful and appreciative for that privilege. By the end of the month, another raffle will occur and another two people will get that spot by the door. In God's eyes, He already has chosen the two before the raffle has ever been played, because when God says it's for you, it's for you.

I have to admit that I will miss that spot. Should I play again?

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Radiation Therapy

                                                                               Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                                  everyday is a journey.



Drop thy still dews of quietness
till all our strivings cease.
Take from our souls the strain
and stress and let our ordered
lives confess the beauty
of thy peace.
J.G. Whittier


Of all the treatment I ever had, I hated radiation the most. Yet, it was this treatment, plus the surgery that has made it possible for me to be in remission and no scans until next year. We ponder. What exactly is radiation? How does it work? How harmful is it really?

ra·di·a·tion ther·a·py

ˌrādēˈāSHən ˈTHerəpē/

noun

noun: radiation treatment

1. the treatment of disease, especially cancer, using X-rays or similar forms of radiation.

Radiation, as explained to me by the nurse, works best on a daily basis. The cancer is attacked in the same way as when one pops popcorn. As the corns are heated, they explode pop, pop, pop attacking the cancer in bombardment. That's why it has to happen in fast repetition, therefore five weeks or so of daily radiation. 

Unlike chemotherapy, where the infusion is flushed out by drinking lots of fluids, radiation is like a wave that disperses into the body. One has radiation once a day, Monday through Friday for up to fives weeks or less. The process itself does not hurt, but the side effects from it can be difficult and unpleasant to say the least. I'm being nice here. 

I hated radiation, absolutely hated it. I find it to be extremely demoralizing to me. Not by the clinical staff, but the process. To stand in front of a mirror and look at the black marker emphasizing the area where the radiation will take place, was emotionally draining to me. I felt so exposed as if everyone could see all my scars, both emotional as well as physical. I could not runaway. I could not cover them up like before. I had to deal with them. And I didn't want to. 

Even now, almost a year has passed and I still shudder at the memories. Radiation broke me. A cleansing of the soul occurred like never before with the other three times I had a re-occurrence. You have no idea how happy I am that I don't need to go back for a scan until next year. Anything to do with doctors, brings back all these feelings once again. 

I think I'm just tired. It's been ten years. Ten years of doctors every three months. Ten years and four re-occurrences. That's a lot for anyone. I need a break.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Look At Me Now

                                                                     Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




 Love had he found in huts where poor men lie;
  His daily teachers had been woods and rills,
  The silence that is in the starry sky,
  The sleep that is among the lonely hills.
  W. Wordsworth.



I've changed so much over the years, I scarcely recognize myself nor the life I've led back then. I sometimes wonder if I still would be who I am today if I hadn't been diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. Not only have I changed on the outside, but on the inside. 

Many people look at me now and think what a great attitude I hold in regards to my cancer. Little do they know, it has taken me ten years to get here. Believe me when I say, there is still plenty of work left on myself that I have kept hidden from view. I understand that it is something that may take a lifetime. 

Of all the people I've met since my diagnosis, I miss Linda the most. In a way, she was the other side of me, the one that struggled with this disease. Linda struggled, but there is one thing I'm perfectly sure of and that's her love for me. Linda loved me unconditionally. I miss her. I miss her beautiful smile that she always had for me.

Lately, I've been feeling as if I've hardened my heart against life. Maybe not completely, but there is a hardening. That might have more to do with the company I've been keeping or surrounding myself. At my work, there are many individuals with hardened hearts, ones that I doubt ever were opened to love. You are the company you keep. I have found myself many times losing my temper, cursing and walking away with a bad attitude. 

Trust me when I say I'm so disappointed in myself. This is certainly not how I intended to live my life. If anything, I am an example of an ordinary person. I can fail just like everyone else. It is a constant struggle to keep on the straight and narrow. I find that I need to readjust my attitude many times. I fall, I pick myself up and I try again. 

So of course, I have changed in these ten years. For the better? In some ways, but I am an unfinished masterpiece that the good Lord is still working on.

Have a blessed day everyone and have a Happy Father's Day.

The Negativity Trap

                                                  Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


I heard a voice in the darkness singing
(That was a valiant soul I knew),
And the joy of his song was a wild bird winging
Swift to his mate through a sky of blue.

And his song was of love and all its bringing
And of certain day when the night was through;
I raised my eyes where the hope was springing,
And I think in his heaven God smiled too
(That was a valiant soul I knew).

--J. Stalker.

As I listened to Emily's rampage of all the terrible things that have happened to her throughout her day, I realized she sounded just like me. So negative! She learned it from her mother.

I don't think we realize the impact we make on our children nor the people around us. We just assume we are good. We go to Church. We read the Bible. We haven't killed anyone. Therefore, we must be good. Well, we are not.

Just like the Israelites of the Bible, we complain and complain from sunrise to sundown. It's only natural for others around us to pick up that same negativity we brought in. Birds of a feather do stick together. 

I noticed that whenever I'm in a bad mood, nothing will make me happy. I don't like the weather. This person here irritates me. My lunch tastes awful. Nothing is just right and all I want to do is go home to whine. In fact, nothing will make me happy that day.

Boy, do I have a long, long way to go in bettering myself. God has a way of bringing us down to Earth whenever we begin to think we know it all. Trying to stay humble can become a full time job. I'm okay with that, because I never want to be so full of myself that I become the idol in my own life. God cannot ever be replaced as the main love of my life. I owe  Him way too much to forget that. 

I wish I could tell you that I've become the most positive human being on Earth. I try, but I don't succeed as often as I would like. We are living in a fallen world. I can only try my best to be thankful for all the little things we receive as precious gifts from above on a daily basis. A sweet snack from a friend. A dime laying on the sidewalk. A green light all the way home. A card in the mail. A hot bath after a long day at work.

All small things that may mean nothing to someone else, but to us, such a blessing. A thoughtful reminder of a great love from a great Father. Say thank you once in a while. 

Have a blessed day everyone.

My Testimony

                                                           Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                            everyday is a journey.


We live in deeds, not years: 
in thoughts, not breaths:
In feelings, not in figures on a dial.
We should count time by heart-throbs. 
He most lives
Who thinks most, feels the noblest, 
acts the best.

--Philip James Bailey.

I remember being Baptized eight years ago. It was September 28, 2008. I remember trying desperately to find something to say before my Baptism. We all were taken to the front of the Church Sanctuary facing everyone in the Congregation. We had to make a small speech of why we chose Baptism in our lives. I remember very clearly a good friend of ours saying to me she couldn't wait to hear my Testimony. 

What? My Testimony! Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do is stand in front of people I hardly knew and tell them my story. Newbie that I was, I thought that it meant I had to list all my wrong doings as far back as I could remember. I didn't want anyone to know that!

I prayed and prayed to please help me find the words. When my turn came, I spoke as if someone else was speaking for me. I remember clearly saying how I wanted to live for Christ one hundred and fifty percent and that meant beginning with Baptism. 

My Testimony began many, many years ago at the age of nineteen. I worked as a waitress at this family owned restaurant where I met this other waitress whose name I have forgotten. She invited me to her Church. Well, being raised as a Catholic, I was so shocked to find her Church met in a Hotel Conference Room. The Pastor spoke of sinners being in the room and I freaked out so badly, feeling as if I was in some cult. 

I laugh about this now, because I wonder how many people felt or had this same image when they stepped inside a Christian Church. I can only say that a seed was planted that day, because I never felt right in the faith of a Catholic. There were so many unanswered questions and no one to talk to. Every time I questioned an act, a verse, a commandment, doctrine,  no response satisfied me and yet, I believed in God. I would call myself a Modern Day Catholic. 

Looking back, I know I was searching for answers. I was searching for that relationship with God. It took many years to pass and a friendship with my son's best buddy for that to happen. Joey became a Christian first and then we followed. I remember saying a few times that I would attend Church every Sunday if there was one near me. After going through cancer, a new Church opened in my neighborhood. I went and never looked back to my old life since then. I am glad I have made that decision. 

Remember that old hymn . . . .

1. I have decided to follow Jesus;
   I have decided to follow Jesus;
   I have decided to follow Jesus;
   No turning back, no turning back.
2. Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
   Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
   Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
   No turning back, no turning back.
3. The world behind me, the cross before me;
   The world behind me, the cross before me;
   The world behind me, the cross before me;
   No turning back, no turning back.
4. Though none go with me, still I will follow;
   Though none go with me, still I will follow;
   Though none go with me, still I will follow;
   No turning back, no turning back.
5. Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
   Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
   Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
   No turning back, no turning back.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Hand Me Another Skein Of Yarn

                                                                 Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                everyday is a journey.



Breathes there the man with soul so dead
Who never to himself hath said,
This is my own, my native land!
Whose heart hath ne'er within him burned
As home his footsteps he hath turned
From wandering on a foreign strand?

--Sir Walter Scott.

Hi Lottie,

Are you still doing that crochet thing? Maybe I will stop by when I get a chance to brush up on my skills.

Believe it or not, I get quite a lot of messages such as the one above. Everyone just assumes that my Ministry has been a fleeting thought and now no longer exists. 

This coming August, my Ministry will be celebrating 4 years of serving our community here and in other states, through the talented hands of a group of ladies who love to crochet. I, myself, am in awe of these ladies and their desire to continue serving the poor and needy. I've always said that this Ministry would continue as long as God provided the supplies necessary. So far, we seem to have just enough. 

These past few weeks, I've been concentrating on making homeless mats from plastic grocery bags. My yarn has been laying to the side awaiting my eager return. I say eager, because I really do miss it. As the Ministry met this past weekend for our regular gathering, I brought out my yarn and fell in love all over again. 

I cannot wait for the day to come where I can sit all day long crocheting and blogging my little heart out. I know that day will come whether here on earth or in Heaven, but I want to thank The Almighty Lord for bestowing such a wonderful gift upon me. A gift that has blessed me many times over. A gift that has saved me from the craziness of this world. Hand me another skein of yarn. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Simply Beauty

                                                         Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                          everyday is a journey.



I met a little Elf-man once,
Down where the lilies blow.
I asked him why he was so small
And why he didn't grow.

He slightly frowned, 

and with his eye

He looked me through and through.

"I'm quite as big for me," said he"

As you are big for you."

How do you picture or see yourself? Whatever we have gone through in regards to our health, the way we entered in and the way we come out is completely different. We as a society are consumed by how we look on the outside. 

What surprises me even more is the realization that I am obsessed with how I look. I never knew I had vanity issues. I mean, all of my life, I've had this wash 'n' wear attitude in regards to beauty. Cancer changed all that. 

I've gained somewhere in the ball park of eighty pounds. I've  lost my luscious eyelashes. My body is full of scars. It still to this day, is a struggle for me to look in the mirror and accept the new me. This is not easy for me to admit. 

I sometimes wonder if I'll ever overcome this feeling of inadequacy about my attractiveness. I do have good days where I tell myself it no longer bothers me, but I know these thoughts are just lies waiting beneath the surface to emerge. 

I don't think this is something that only I am experiencing. I believe the majority of chronic illness patients deal with this issue of their new appearance. Trust me, I've spoken to many of them in radiation treatment. Another thing? We feel guilty for feeling this way. I mean, we are alive. We have been spared. God has given us a new beginning. We just have to accept the new us. 

All of this is normal. Of course, we will have difficulties in dealing with the new us, especially since we have gone through such a traumatic experience. Imagine the young mom and wife in her early thirties who has lost a breast. Try telling her it doesn't matter. To her beauty does matter. It is something that she has to overcome even if it takes her a lifetime. 

There is nothing simple about beauty. Nothing. So I buy a new outfit (I'm addicted to the clearance rack) or get a new hairdo. Maybe a massage or a pedicure. Anything that will make us feel pretty. We all need that from time to time. It is a struggle for each of us, but the length of it, may vary. It all depends on our own personal journeys. Don't feel bad, because your journey may not be as advanced as the next person.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The Latest

                                                            Everyday is a brand new day.
                                                              everyday is a journey.



They that wander at will where the
Works of the Lord are revealed,
Little guess what joy can be got
From a cowslip out of the field.

--Alfred Tennyson

Well, we went from raining constantly to high temperatures a few weeks before Summer officially begins. High winds and high heat, not a great combination. Since my hot flashes have stopped, this heatwave is not as bad as I imagined. I've been able to handle it way better than before. I haven't turned on the air as of yet. 

Things have been quite hectic which is normal around here. So far this month, I've gotten one traffic ticket (thank you camera) in the same exact spot that I got one last year. I'm beginning to really dislike that area. 

The pipe under my kitchen sink corroded through and drenched everything in the surrounding area. Now we can play the waiting game with the landlord. Emily and I were laughing that one day, we will have a landlord that is perfect. He will come over when he says he will. He will be able to fix anything and everything. Plus, he will not be nosey walking in whenever he feels like it the way our old landlord has done.

My "check your air in tire" light came on the other day. Today, I found the reason why. There seems to be a nail in my tire. Oh goody, I needed an oil change anyway. Guess who's getting up early once again in the morning?

The old me would have started screaming at everyone near me or at least, began to feel sorry for myself. I just shrugged. Although, all these things may be happening, I'm truly blessed in many ways. I have a fairly new vehicle and a trusted mechanic to oversee it. I have funds available to pay for whatever needs to be done. I have a bucket to place under my sink to catch any water. I have been in far worse situations in my life where I felt completely alone. It's totally different now. I will be okay. We will be just fine.

I did tell the devil to get the heck out of here, just in case he may think we are offering free room and board. 

Have a blessed day everyone.