The Consequence

                                                                             Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                               everyday is a journey.


When I go down to the grave I can say, 
like so many others,
 I have finished my work;
 but I cannot say I have finished my life;
 my day's work will begin again the next morning. 
My tomb is not a blind alley; 
it is a thoroughfare.
 It closes in the twilight to open in the dawn.
--Victor Hugo.

A few days ago, I've learned about consequences, a cause and effect for all we do. In my hurry, hurry kind of way, I came home at night from work and parked in a handicap space. In my own defense, it was dark and honestly, I paid no attention to my surroundings. I just wanted to get inside. I really didn't see it. 

Now, we live in an area that at one time were condos, so we pay a yearly fee for our parking space. It's an extremely tiny fee well worth that spot. If  you ever lived in the City, you know how difficult it can be to find parking. It's even more difficult if you work second shift and are the last to arrive in the middle of the night. All the spots are usually taken. 

When we moved here, I was very happy to find an abundance of private parking. Let's not forget that the entire complex is surrounded in fencing, trees and set deep off into the side. Behind our complex lies the interstate. It's very peaceful here. 

Well, I really went off the subject here. The other night when I parked my car in front of that handicap sign, they were conducting a routine check on all the vehicles to make sure everyone that was parked there had a valid sticker. I even waved to them as I ran into the building. I mean, I had my sticker, didn't I? I didn't have anything to worry about, right?

Yeah, until I woke up in the morning and looked out the window. Gee, I don't see my car. Oh my goodness, where did those two handicap signs come from? They weren't there last night. Were they? 

 Well, I did get my car back. I got my car back minus a few dollars and I learned a valuable lesson. I need to pay attention! No more just trying to run, run and run quickly into the house. There are consequences for all we do. There is no way around them. 

Have a blessed day everyone.

The End Of Civility

                                              Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                    everyday is a journey.

Life is a sheet of paper white
Whereon each one of us may write
His word or two, and then comes night.
Greatly begin! though thou hast time
But for a line, be that sublime.
Not failure, but low aim is crime.

--James Russell Lowell.

I love diversity. The food. The culture.The ethnicity. I've never really been around people who are just like me in their opinions, in their faith, in their lifestyle. Whereas that never bothered me before, it does now. So what happened? Social media happened.

People can quickly share their opinions with others with just a click of a keyboard. The best part? You don't have to do it face to face. It's much easier to hurt someone when you don't have to stare at them right in the eye. 

There are times I want to disappear from social media altogether, especially whenever a hot political topic hits the waves. I am tired of people telling me how to think, what to think and how should I act. I can see evidence in how the world has definitely shifted towards the End Times.  

I have gotten better at handling my reactionary comments by avoiding these hot topics and becoming involved in these heavy debates. Although, I do forget all of the above and heavily debate or defend my beliefs. It never ends well. 

Last night at work, everyone was discussing this show and that show, or simply just the news. To be honest, I turned off the television long time ago, especially the news and talk shows. Journalism has turned to trash, the only thing that seems to matter is sensationalism. I'm tired of it and I definitely don't have to bear it. The television stays off.

I'm getting old. I can tell just by how I feel about the world. I've become my grandmother in that respect, because I'm not liking what is happening around me. The world keeps changing and not for the better, but it's all to be expected. It has been written down eons ago in the Bible.

I've been thinking about the thorn in our sides that we all have. I believe my thorn is the secular world. It has become harder and harder for me to live within it. The world will always be the world, but I am changing inside constantly and I am not the world.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Here's To Contentment

                                                                                 Everyday is a brand new day, 
                                                                                  everyday is a journey.
 

Tis not to enjoy that we exist,
For that end only; something must be done;
I must not walk in unreproved delight
These narrow bounds, and think of nothing more,
No duty that looks further and no care.
--William Wordsworth

Contentment . . . . I've seen this word thrown around as a theme for this New Year. We need to be very careful when searching for contentment for ourselves. Can we truly be content? Is it even possible? Is it in us to be content? 

I think of the Israelites and their incessant complaining, immediately thinking of the correlation to our society. I don't think that total contentment is possible. Our hearts will always be longing for more. I believe that because of what occurred in the Garden of Eden, our hearts will always search for and long for Christ. Until the time where we stand before Him, only then will we ever feel contentment. That is only my personal belief.

Contentment is something we all are looking for and feel incomplete unless we find it. To me, it's the same as a couple looking for a perfect soulmate. Does it really exist? Most likely only in our minds. We as a people, constantly have this image of our ideal everything. Unless we attain these ideals, we will continue to search, feeling incomplete. 

Rather than searching for contentment, I look for Joy. Joy is something that can be fleeting, but it is attainable. I've learned to bask in Joy when it happens. The older I get, the more I enjoy my Joy and look forward to its return.

Yet, my feelings on the subject are really more personal than I realized. You see, I haven't made any goals nor any resolutions for this year. That hasn't happened in a very time. I just felt that I already had so much to do that ran over into this year. Why add more?

Sometimes, I think we need to spend more time in the now, then in the future achieving our goals. It's great to work on ourselves, setting up plans, but we can get lost in all of it. The most precious gift of all? The here and now. Let's enjoy it. Contentment will come when we come face to face with Jesus. Only then. For now, look for Joy.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The Tiny In Me

                                                      Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                         everyday is a journey.

Yes, I have had, dear Lord, the day.

When at thy call I have the night
Brief be the twilight as I pass
From light to dark, from dark to light.

--S. Weir Mitchell.

There are times that I'm concerned that I'm way too excited about this Tiny Living. I'm placing all my eggs in one basket. What if it doesn't turn out that way? What if God's plan is different from mine? The last thing I want to be doing is sitting in that place sulking. And miserable. 

I've seen it happen way too often. I don't want to be one of those people who are unhappy in their retirement, wishing themselves somewhere else. Wishing their lives to be different. Just plain wishing.

On the other hand, does it really matter where I'm at? As long as I'm still writing and involved in my Ministry, I'd be happy. I've always seen my retiring years as doing things I've always wanted. All the things that I couldn't do while working, like participating in events during the week within my community. 

Recently, I've watched a program on British television, of a couple searching for a home in the country. This was the British version of our House Hunters. They were both approaching their retirement and looking to move into the Country into their dream home. Sounds like me, but the single version. This man had so many different hobbies and projects that he was involved in that it was difficult to find him that perfect property. In the end, they built their own. 

What stuck with me was his enjoyment and involvement in all of these projects. This was the future me. I connected with him completely. He was happy, occupied and active. I do have to admit that the only project he did end up finishing was the house. Again, I connected with him. 

I guess, we can never be too prepared for our future. I'm not just speaking of financially. There is our health to consider and the things that compile our livelihood. I'm glad I saw that program. It reminded me of what is important to me in my retirement and what isn't. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The Littles

                                                       Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.



One holy Church of God appears
through every age and race
unwasted by the lapse of years
unchanged by changing place
S. Longfellow

When my grandchildren were small, my Aubrey had this way of calling them the "Littles" and the nickname quickly stuck. Well, the "Littles" are no longer little. In fact, one is a freshman in high school already and the other fast approaching tween-hood! Six years have passed and in children years, that can be huge!

When we first met! How could I not fall in love with these two? 

The original "Littles," Tim and Hannah.

Halloween, Christian style!

Merry Christmas from the Littles.

First day and last day of school.

My favorite picture of these lovable two just having fun on a hot Summer day.

Ready for the new school year!

Chilling on a hot Summer day!

Chilling on a different level!

Eight grade graduation! The Littles are not little any longer. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

A Lazy Morning

                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Consider the lilies of the field, 
how they grow; they toil not,
 neither do they spin: 
yet I say unto you, that even
 Solomon in all his glory
 was not arrayed like one of these.
--Matthew 6. 28, 29.

I didn't want to get up. The bed was comfy, warm and utterly peaceful. Silence all around me. One could hear a pin drop. I knew it was somewhere mid-morning, but I didn't care. Why can't I just lay there and do nothing? Why do I need to get up at all?

Responsibilities, that's why.

The problem is that it's not just today. I have this feeling almost every morning. This feeling of not wanting to do anything at all. Some people would call this depression, but they're wrong. I am not depressed, but on the contrary. I am quite happy, filled with Joy. 

I think the problem lies with this deep and hidden desire inside of me to run away from all responsibility. A life where there are no rules, but freedom to live out our purpose. It's almost like I'm looking for Heaven. 

 I want to sleep whenever I feel like it. I want to eat whatever I want to eat. Who cares about weight gain? Maybe all I want to do is crochet and watch all my favorite programs? Maybe not.

Life cannot be all about doctor visits, schedules, appointments and work. There has to be rest. There has to be relaxation. There has to be days filled with nothing. I am looking for those days more often. 

This past treatment took so much out of me. It certainly took a long time away from me. At least, that's how I've been looking at it. I want time away to refresh and smell the roses. Wouldn't you?

Have a blessed day everyone.

Thursday Ten

                                                                      Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


The comfort of a mind at rest
  From every care Thou hast not blest;
  A heart from all the world set free,
  To worship and to wait on Thee.
A. L. WARING.

No matter how bad my week, month or year may be going, I'm always full of hope. One has to be, because if hope is gone, there is nothing except emptiness. Hope is the one thing that motivates our being into moving forward. 

This week has been a tough one and I easily could have turned it into a woe is me kind of time. Satan is never too busy to lie to you or to me. He has been certainly very busy with me these past few days. So today I wanted to focus on and write down ten things I'm very grateful for to remember how blessed I am every single day.

1. My provision.
I have everything I need. Everything. I shall not want. God has provided for me. I have food, water and shelter. What else do I need?

2. My car.
Probably for the first time in my life, I feel secure in the car that I own. I've never had a vehicle in such great condition. I have made a vow to myself to keep the maintenance up on this car for that very reason. I'm loving our little Herschel. 

3. Our jobs. 
I say our jobs, because I mean Emily's as well as mine. Only God would have made it possible where we work across the street from each other within the same time schedule. You will never convince me that He does not exist. 

4. Our apartment.
I know that all of you are probably so tired of me exclaiming how much I love our place. It certainly isn't the decor, but definitely the ambiance. 

5. My Ministry.
I don't think I could ever find the words to express the absolute Joy I receive from my Crocheting Ministry. For many years, I've served in a Church Ministry teaching Sunday School. Those were wonderful times that I will always cherish, but I've found a deeper love of serving my community. 

6. My computer. 
This may sound crazy to you, but having a computer has opened up a huge world to me. I've met so many wonderful fellow women out there in social media that have come to mean so much to me. I often write about the dark side of social media, but if we use it for good, there are so many benefits. We can communicate instantly with our loved ones, meet interesting people that we can help or they help us. 

7. My cancer.
You must think I'm absolutely nuts, but my life changed for the better since my diagnosis. I'm living my life out now and that's something I didn't do back then. I went through the motions, but I missed my purpose. Yes, my life is better since the cancer. 

8. Ah, the children. 
I shake my head every time I think of my youth. You see, I didn't dream of marriage and children like all my friends. I wanted a career, but God had other plans for me. He gave me children and now grandchildren. I'm so glad. God's plan is always better. I'm still amazed that they want to hang out with this old lady.

9. Jesus.
Without His Mercy, Grace, Love and His Death on the Cross, I wouldn't be here. I cannot imagine my life without Him in it. It's that simple. #Dropmic.

10. This blog. 
Who knew six years ago, that I would still be here writing out my thoughts on this journey of mine. This blog has been with me during some of the most darkest and loneliest times of my cancer. When I needed an ear, you were there. When I needed prayer, you prayed. I wrote for my own sanity never expecting anyone to be interested in my struggles. Every time I post a story, I'm amazed at the following. Thank you for being there along for the ride. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Here And There

                                                    Everyday is a brand new day,

                                                     everyday is a journey.

There's nothing bright above, below,

From flowers that bloom to stars that glow,

But in the light my soul can see

Some feature of the Deity.

There's nothing dark below, above,

But in its gloom I trace God's love,

And meekly wait that moment when

His truth shall turn all bright again.

--Thomas Moore.

It's been a very busy month for us. We've never shared the same work schedule before, so things always worked out fine. There was a person at home at all times. If she worked days, I would be home. When I worked nights, she was at home. Now, there is no one at home.

It seems so weird to come home and no dinner is waiting. It seems so weird for the place to be so darn quiet when she works on the weekends. There is nothing, but silence around here even with all these apartment dwellings. Nothing, but silence. 

Every so many months, I try to change it up here on the blog by using different backgrounds. Whenever I read other people's blog's, I sometimes feel like they are so much more advanced in their style than I am. Their blogs are so techno,  filled with witty and inventive categorized posts. Their "click here" to view any post from the last ten years, fills me with envy. I wish I was computer savvy so I could upgrade the technological side of blogging. 

For now, I guess I should be happy that at least I'm using a keyboard and not a typewriter or in longhand. I'm not that far behind in the times. So even if I cannot make this blog more futuristic, I can at least make it pretty.

As I've written in the past, I've been working on more long term crocheting projects rather than whatever I'm feeling. I really missed that random skill making. For this past weekend, I laid aside my projects and simply just crocheted.
I cannot explain how relaxing I found this to be. A wicker basket full of yarn by my favorite chair, while watching my favorite shows on Netflix. What a wonderful time. I wish there was more of it. 

All of this brought on more pondering from me. When we made this move, we ended up saving not just a few bucks, but also time. So how come I'm so behind? I do sleep more here. It must be all the quiet from not living next to a street, especially a busy one. Being off in the second row of apartments really buffers quite a lot of noise. 

Last night, I did view a spectacular sight out my bedroom window. It was thundering and lightening. God put on a beautiful show for me. You see, there are no other tall buildings at that end of the apartment. All one can see is an open sky. I am looking forward to Summer and all the beauty that comes with it. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Something To Read

                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


We cannot kindle when we will
The fire that in the heart resides,
The spirit bloweth and is still,
In mystery our soul abides:
But tasks in hours of insight willed
Can be through hours of gloom fulfilled.
MATTHEW ARNOLD.

From time to time, I post some of my favorite books that I've read. Last Summer, I made a commitment to reading more and not just acquiring books. The following are some of the latest books I've read. Hope you can enjoy these as much as I have.

The Precious Present
By: Spencer Johnson
When I first opened this book, I wasn't sure if it was a child's book or an adults. As soon as I began reading, I realized this is a story in poem form. I have to admit that I was completely taken in trying to decipher what the precious present could possibly be. I almost took a peek at the end to see the answer, but I didn't. There is a great moral reminder here so it came to no surprise that this book has been a favorite for many years. 

Last Year's Resolution
By: Robert Lampros
It seems that lately I have been reading a lot of spiritual self help books. This is not one of them. This is a story of a Christian writer and a journalist. This is their love story formed right before the End Times. As I read the story, I could see what the author was trying to convey. My only fault with the book (and many others that choose this subject to write about) is that they never portray the End Times in the horrific manner that surely will occur. Whenever I think about the Book of Revelations, I think of Resident Evil or The Walking Dead. I have no qualms, fantasies or illusions that it will be horrible here on Earth.  

Jesus Among Many
By: Ravi Zacharias 
I've been wanting to read this book ever since I have heard an interview Dr. James Dobson had with Ravi. He spoke about this book and my interest was piqued. My desire to  learn more on the subject of different religions and Jesus, is a thirst that cannot be denied.  This book answers the question What makes us different from other religions. 

All About Me
By:Philippe Keel
I've held onto this book ever since my Joey was a small boy. It is not a book one reads, but instead fills in answers about themselves. I consider this a great book for a tween or teenager as they rediscovers themselves. The questions range from the personal to the historical to memories to fears that they may have. There is a section, a very small two page, on sexuality that would not be appropriate for youngsters. In fact, I have torn that out since I'm thinking of passing on this book to my 14 year old grandson. . . . with his parent's approval, of course. 

I hope you will enjoy these as much as I have. Have a blessed day everyone. 

It Happens So Quickly

                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




Come, children, let us go!
We travel hand in hand;
Each in his brother finds his joy
In this wild stranger land.
The strong be quick to raise
The weaker when they fall;
Let love and peace and patience bloom
In ready help for all.
G. TERSTEEGEN.



I don't know how I get myself into these things. It always happens so quickly before I truly have time to comprehend the consequence of my volunteering. I have a nasty habit of raising my hand whenever someone is looking for help. It could be anything like Sunday School, driving someone, babysitting, setting up or bringing a dish. My hand immediately goes up.

I don't really understand why I do this, especially when I'm way over scheduled. Usually, I somehow manage to get it done, mostly by staying up majority of the night. This time, I think I truly have bitten off more than I can chew. 

I've written about these past due projects that I'm trying to catch up on and finish. It's a slow process and I mean slow. I have this one huge one that I'm struggling with, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm nearly there. 

My problem here is that I feel I may actually have a problem. Why do I immediately jump in, volunteering my time even if I don't have any to spare? Take last night, a fellow co-worker shows me a sweater in a catalog, asking me if I could make this for her. Now, I have never made a sweater in my life and here I am contemplating that maybe I could try. 

Now, if that isn't horribly sick, then I don't know. First of all, when did I think I could make it or how was I to fit this sweater into my schedule? What is wrong with me? Is there a void inside of me that needs to be filled? Do I need to feel needed? What is my problem?

I do have to admit that I want to do these things. None of this is against my own wishes. I just wish I was able to do all of them and there were no time constraints. This is how I view my retiring years, serving others. You see, I want to spend my time volunteering and being there for others. This is my idyllic life. This is how I want to spend my retirement. I just need to remember that I'm not there yet.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Ovarian Cancer

                                                      Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.


I was deeply impressed 
by what a gardener once
said to me concerning his
 work. "I feel, sir," he said, 
"when I am growing the 
flowers or rearing the 
vegetables, that I am having
 a share in creation." I
 thought it a very noble way 
of regarding his work.
--J. H. Jowett.

Ovarian cancer, I definitely never gave it a thought back in 2007. I was busy living my life, arguing about things that didn't matter. Everything was a rush and everything was more important than relationships with others. I was angry at the world, at my family and definitely at how my life was turning out. Being happy was something I had no idea how to be.

I can admit all of that now. At that time, I didn't realize just how angry and miserable I was. I thought I had everything in check and felt that life was as good as it would get. This was life. I couldn't have been more wrong.

It took me a few years into my diagnosis to understand what ovarian cancer represented. I was really quite ignorant on the issue of my cancer. I didn't understand any of the cancer terminology. After visiting an ovarian cancer support website, I realized how naive and uneducated I've been compared to others. 

Everyone knew their CA125 scores and I didn't even know what that was! In reality, I felt embarrassed about my lack of knowledge. How can I talk to others about this cancer if I don't know anything about it? My advice to fellow cancer survivors? Learn all you can about your type of cancer. Don't be like me, educate yourself right away.

When people meet me for the first time, they are surprised at my positive attitude towards my cancer. To them, "I look fantastic, unlike a victim" and they marvel how accepting I am of my disease. Little do they know, all of this didn't happen overnight. It took all of these ten years to get me here. They're seeing a good part of me, but not the whole part.

People ask me advice in regards to many things cancer. I can only speak from my own experience. There are a few things I can offer as solid advice to anyone that is going through any type of illness.
1. Learn all you can about your disease.
2. Don't push people away from you, but draw them to you.
3. Accept all offers of help no matter how small.
4. Take control of your health and do everything to become as healthier as you can possible be.
5. Don't stop living life.

I don't hate my cancer. I honestly believe it has helped me become the best that I can be. It brought it out to the surface the life I was meant to live. How can I hate that?

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Some Things Never Change

                                         Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



A mighty fortress is our God,
A bulwark never failing:
Our helper he amid the flood
Of mortal ills prevailing.
For still our ancient foe
Doth seek to work us woe;
His craft and power are great:
And, armed with cruel hate,
On earth is not his equal.
--Martin Luther.

Our cat Diamond, lay curled up into a ball on a well-cushioned armchair. She looked so darn cute and comfortable, all tucked into a blanket, sleeping the afternoon away. She obviously feels very at home and completely loved. Don't you wish you could do the same?

It will never cease to amaze me how swiftly time flies away from us. Didn't we just change our clocks back and now we are changing them forward. Time surely flies, yet some things never change.

We all have a friend whose life is headed downward, spiraling out of control. They think they're living the high life, but we know it's all just pretend.  It's a lie they keep telling themselves so they can feel better about themselves and the choices they have made. They're not happy, but that's all they know, so they keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. 

This may sound like I'm being judgmental, but nothing could be farther from the truth. At one time, I was that friend who  lost all control of my life and made horrible choices I now deeply regret. Sometimes, we really have to hit bottom where we're so darn sick of everything and it seems there is no end out of this dark tunnel. Sometimes, we have to go through these things, horrible things that leave us feeling unloved so we can finally move forward into the light. 

So I ask you, what will it take for that friend to let go of the past and make that step forward to live the kind of life that is idyllic inside of our minds?  The kind of life that Diamond seems to be living, peaceful, rested and full of love. What will it take for them to forgive themselves and make that choice? 

It is so frustrating to watch from the sidelines as they sink deeper and deeper into what they call "the high life" and "let's turn it up" lifestyle. When it's all said and done, when the party is over, you're still the same you. All alone and miserable with a massive headache, hating yourself even more than you did the night before. 

Time will continue to move forward whether we run along side of it or not. Pretty soon, we will be changing the clocks back, but where will you be? Will you still be back in that same place that you seem to favor and cling to? Or will you be lounging next to Diamond, living out your idyllic dream? Some things might never change, but thank goodness we have a loving God who never gives up on us. He takes us, dirty and miserable, turning us into the best we can be. The choice is yours.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The Uncertainty

                                                       Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.


Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time--

Footprints that perhaps another,

Sailing o'er life's wintry main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

Seeing, shall take heart again.

--Henry W. Longfellow

Should we have an "Apartment Warming" party? 

Emily sat on my bed, as she does every morning, as we discuss any day events or play catch up. The question hung in the air full of unspoken tension. Tension, because of what it would mean to do so. We came here for a reason, not because we wanted to make an upgrade. Besides, it is very well known our views on diversity and many people are not on the same wavelength on that subject. 

What does our world look like? Well, we like diversity. We are not cookie cutter people. We don't care to live in a community where everyone looks the same, living in the same type of house. One place looks pretty much like the rest. There is nothing to distinguish one family from the next. That is not us. Which is fine, because we all are different and need to be accepted for who we are and what we represent. 

Our neighborhood looks more like International Waters than anything else. There are numerous nationalities here. . . . numerous. Sadly, not everyone can be comfortable with that.

I once had a woman ask me why are we always volunteering and delivering (our Ministry) to the bad neighborhoods of Chicago?  Why can't we go somewhere closer to home? My reply? Well, that's where the poor people are. That's where the homeless reside.

We as a society, as a people, we are very judgmental. All of us. Myself included. We judge others no matter how much we may try to deny it. It's true that some of us are more than others, but we're all guilty. We judge others on their appearance, their home, their children, their behavior, their work ethic. We judge. Most of all, we like to judge others on how much they judge. 

Our world is certainly changing quickly. It seems I'm always defending my Faith, my lifestyle, my ethics. Everything is on the defense lately. Even in my own home. Do I want to expose myself to that kind of scrutiny? Not at this moment. So for now, whoever comes over, comes over, but no parties yet. 

Have a Blessed day everyone. 

Friends Gone Past

                                                       Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                        everyday is a brand new day.



Build a little fence of trust
    Around to-day;
  Fill the space with loving work,
    And therein stay;
  Look not through the sheltering bars
    Upon to-morrow,
  God will help thee bear what comes,
    Of joy or sorrow.
Anon

What a beautiful poem and so very true. I have been feeling melancholy this morning thinking of all past relationships that have dispersed for one reason or another. People come into our lives unexpectedly and just as quickly leave. We become attached and sadness fills our hearts when they leave for whatever reason. 

I really miss my long gone past friends. I miss the comforting smile that Linda always had just for me. You see, Linda loved me and it showed in every fiber of her being. Have you ever felt such love from a friend? I have from Linda. 

It's easy to miss friends that have died or left in a good way, but what about the ones where discord caused our breakup? We all had these relationships that have ended sadly. Relationships that broke without any reason or explanation. Suddenly, they just didn't work anymore. 

There is nothing worse than that friendship that ended over something so silly one cannot even remember. One of my girlfriends will tell you that these people were never truly your friends. True friends don't become upset over silly mundane things. These friends are secretly harboring something against you from the beginning. 

I've been thinking about what she said. We want to believe of ourselves that we are ordinary. We have nothing that others could possibly want, desire or envy. That's how we see ourselves, but the grass always seems greener by the neighbors' next door. The neighbors themselves think our flowers bloom more beautiful than theirs. It's a vicious circle we call human nature.

Maybe my girlfriend has a good point here. Maybe past relationships did have something about me they didn't like, but continued on being my friend. Maybe I was more of a casual friend to them. We all have different degrees of what a friendship is to us. They were more to me than I was to them. 

Today I mourned these past relationships. No matter if these people come back into our lives once again, it will never be what we thought it was back then. Then again, it truly never was then either.

Have a blessed day everyone.