Day Two

ay Two

Sunday :

The morning set the tone for the rest of the day . A fellow teacher was a no-show for Sunday School , the older children were a little more energetic than usual and I woke up with a bad attitude .  It was hectic , chaotic and fraught with stress . 

I couldn't shake that mood no matter how much I tried . It followed me around for the rest of the day like a bad shadow .I was unhappy with everything that came my way . What a terrible way to spend the Lord's Sabbath . 

As the day unfolded , the devil took hold of me and went to town , not letting go . . . . . but just like when I went down into the Baptismal water , I came up filled with the spirit . That spirit lives inside of me and whenever I stray , he pulls me back from the dark side so I never slip back into the darkness for long . 

When night came , all the dirt of that horrible day left me . It was definitely time to turn this vacay around . Taking pen to paper , a list was made for each day left . Tomorrow  is a brand new day . ....a new beginning ....a new chance to make up for today .

Time is so important to me and here I am wasting it on useless  and unwanted behavior . If I go on like this , this sense of renewal will never happen . Come tomorrow morning , a whole new me will emerge from her slumber .

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Day One

Day One 

Saturday :

The first day of my long awaited time off from work . Too bad that I  spent most of the the day sleeping . When you work on third shift . . . . that's just how it is . 

I have huge plans for this vacation . I won't be spending it laying on a beach somewhere or in a hotel room . There really won't be much time to sit around with my feet up . 

This week , I will spend time clearing up not just the clutter in my apartment , but also in my mind . I feel so tired and so very drained both physically  and spiritually . Never have I felt such a burnout . All I want to do is sit and do nothing . 

I know that part of it has to do with the affects of chemo . Chemotherapy affects my thyroid in a negative way . Usually , I need more sleep , at times , I even take extra naps . The longer you have been on chemo , the more tired your body becomes . After a certain period , I know my thyroid will regulate itself again . 

So today , I do absolutely nothing . I take out my crocheting , my shows  and a glass of wine and just do nothing . The apartment is quiet , with Emily having dinner with her adopted family . The day goes quickly and I float with it . This is the first day. 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Old Barns And Me

Since my cancer , I have struggled with my body image . Cancer takes so much away from you . A person loses their hair , their lashes and their eyebrows . These things are the obvious losses  that everyone associates with cancer , but what about the other things that aren't a standout .

A person with cancer can gain a lot of weight from all the steroids , like I did . Majority of the people I have encountered also had to deal with arthritis in their legs . Cancer treatment can affect our organs and other parts of our bodies . Some people are prone to blood clots or develop a thyroid .

Either way , cancer takes a lot from a person and that usually means we change not only on the inside , but also on the outside . I no longer remember the person I looked like before this cancer and  I've had  difficult time accepting the person I see in the mirror . How is that for irony ?

As I watched this video below , I thought of myself and the struggles I've had with acceptance of my weight . What was will never be again . I can see that now . So I should put away the mirrors and just remember the image of my old self in my head . Just like the old barns out there , I still have my use , even if a little wider . :)
Double click , please .



http://www.youtube.com/embed/J8Ioa1gVVeA?showinfo=0&rel=0

Thought Collection

Hello everyone ,

Today's story will be featured on Though Collection Publishing . The link is below . Have a Blessed day everyone and I hope you enjoy your weekend .

Saying Goodbye

www.thoughtnotebook.org

Published By: Thought Collection Publishing Source: Lottiekrol.blogspot.com

 
http://www.thoughtnotebook.org/anm/artbase/?a=129&z=1

ERROR , ERROR

It has been a month of flashing signals strewn across my path , screaming " ERROR , ERROR " right back at me . Some say it has been related to the sudden weather changes , the storms that seemed to ravage the earth , but I believe otherwise .

Signals appear to provide a warning that something is not right . Perhaps . . . .

The car  signals flash across the panel whether it is the  " check engine light " or " car door open "  , each alerting us to stop and take notice .

The computer screen continues to " buffer " or an " error " appears , informing  you that your " PC data is low  " or it's time to delete your cookies .

A message appears on your television informing you of cable being disconnected or to refresh the signal . Perhaps , a payment is past due ?

Warning lights flashing everywhere . I've experienced all of these this past month . I wonder if there's more to it than meets the eye ? Even now , as I try to write this blog , my computer decides to act up and refuses to save .

What happens when we ignore these warning signs ? The car breaks down or we have an accident . The computer crashes or needs to be repaired . The cables  goes out and suddenly we don't know what to do with ourselves .

Warnings , signals and errors . What do they mean here ? I think it's time to listen and take heed .

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Temptation

 

 I stare at the scene above with longing . The memory of sitting on the patio of the cabin , sipping coffee in the early hours of the morning fresh in my mind  . Hannah dangling her feet back and forth on the swing  ,Tim deep into his vacation journal . The rest of the world still fast asleep as the ducks swim close to the edge of the lake , looking for a handout . 

I could have sat there all day . 

I stare at the scene above with longing . 
The tranquility of that scene ,  a lure from the everyday mundane responsibilities that I find so overwhelming . I yearn for a change and it can't come fast enough for me . 

Reality brings me back to the messes of my cluttered apartment  , the over-scheduling of all my responsibilities and the  too tired attitude of a weary body . 

The changes at work have brought a renewal and a rebirth within me that I wasn't aware lay dormant . Escape is so appealing right now . Don't we all wish we could just jump into our cars and drive wherever the road may take us far away from it all ?

The temptation . . . . . the lure  . . . of leaving it all behind . Who hasn't felt the pull of it ? None of us are exempt . We may not be able to physically act it out , but we can visit there in our dreams .

Have a Blessed day everyone  and keep dreaming of your special place .

My Cup Half-Filled

We always feel like we can accomplish everything we set out to do . We can make a list of chores , errands or even a bucket list  and assume that it will be done sooner or later . In reality , most of our expectations are not realistic ones . If you are anything like me , you load your plate very high and only consume half . By the time we get to the other half , it's already spoiled or unappealing , losing it's charm .

I find myself in this situation over and over again . How many times can a person start over ? As many times as they have to . So , I'm redecorating a little , making room for some things and letting go of others . Cleaning out my closets and sometimes even coming out of the closet if need be .

Things haven't been turning out quite the way I have expected , but we adjust to whatever God has in store for us . Didn't I just pray " Let Your will be done " ? So here I am . . . . very tired and disappointed in that will , but I know it is the right thing for me .

The following poem I received from a mentor of mine , Barb Snodgrass . She somehow always seems to know what I need to hear at a precise moment in my life . Hope you enjoy it , too .

Drinking from my saucer I've never made a fortune, and it's probably too late now. 
But I don't worry about that much, I'm happy anyhow 
And as I go along life's way, 
I'm reaping better than I sowed. 
I'm drinking from my saucer, 
'Cause my cup has overflowed. 

Haven't got a lot of riches, 
and sometimes the going's tough 
But I've got loving ones all around me, 
and that makes me rich enough. 
I thank GOD for his Blessings, 
and the Mercies HE's bestowed. 
I'm drinking from my saucer, 
'Cause my cup has overflowed. 

I remember times when things went wrong, 
My faith wore somewhat thin. 
But all at once the dark clouds broke, 
and the sun peeped through again. 
So LORD, help me not to gripe, 
about the tough rows I have hoed. 
I'm drinking from my saucer, 
'Cause my cup has overflowed. 

If GOD gives me strength and courage, 
When the way grows steep and rough. 
I'll not ask for other blessings, 
I'm already Blessed enough. 
And may I never be too busy, 
to help others bear their loads.. 
Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer, 
'Cause my cup has overflowed. 

Have a Blessed day everyone .