The storm raged all day and night . Lightening flashed across the sky . Streets and basements flooded , water spilling over through any convenient opening . Huge puddles littered the sidewalks and the splatter of heavy raindrops could be heard on the window pane .
The storm raged on .
In the morning , people awoke to flooded basements , flooded streets and flooded cars . All over Facebook , people were seen sifting through the storm that passed in their lives .
Storms come and go , but the cleanup remains .
This past week , storms have been chasing me . It started with Sunday's sermon on storms . Emily's Bible group focused on the storms in their lives . A few of my friends recounted to me the many storms they are facing . The aftermaths of my chemo affected my feet . Then the rain began . . . .
Storms . You're either in one , or coming out of one , or heading into one .
Many people think my cancer is my storm , but somehow , I just don' t believe that . Cancer has become so mundane to me , so everyday , such a normal part of my life . How can that be my storm ? No , cancer is not my storm .
The perfect storm brings you to a breaking point .
I seriously thought about that sentence . Of all the things Ive been through lately in my life , what is my storm ? If I could change one part of my life , what would that be ? What is my breaking point ?
Cancer has been a learning process in my life . I wouldn't change that . The pain I experience because of the cancer comes and goes . It certainly differs in the extent of pain depending on the treatment , but basically it never really goes away .
My storm would be acceptance to what I can physically do now . There are times that I hunger for my old body , which is strange to me . That old body was rotten and full of cancerous tumors . Why am I missing it ?
The perfect storm is a place of transformation .
Yes , transformation . As I look out the window , all that I see is the green of the grass and trees . This terrible storm that passed left in it's wake this lush beauty . It brought forth the buds of new life .
I try to remind myself that there is beauty in my storm . Then why can't I accept it ? This is my body now . Why don't I like it ? Why am I fighting it ?
Yes , the storm passed through and the cleanup begins .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Monday, April 22, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Cancer Blessings
Whenever people learn of my three time cancer status , I get alot of sympathy and disbelief . I guess , people are surprised at my calmness regarding my illness . Another reason , they consider my illness a major depressing setback .
I think otherwise . To me , cancer has only brought Blessings in my life . I know people find that strange , but it's true . Here are some Blessings in my life since my cancer .
1. This one may be difficult to believe , but I'm happy that the steroids made me gain some weight . I actually like myself with these curves . I would like to lose my stomache , but the rest can stay . Before all of this , I was a size 4 . Whenever I look at some old pictures of myself , I realize that I looked too skinny . At least now , I look healthy .
2. I also found out who I am both on the inside as well as on the outside . I'm very comfortable in this old skin of mine . My relationships are healthy and strong . I'm also mentally stronger to handle any difficulties that may arise .
3 . Cancer has allowed me to face my own mortality . I had to accept death and learn not to be afraid of it . Instead of looking at it as an end , it's just a beginning of something to look forward to .
4. I've also learned not to get angry . I still fail sometimes , but mainly , nothing is that important that I need to waste my energy on being upset . I can't control other people or their actions . I try to better myself and my actions .
5 . Lastly , I've learned to live my life .
Ask anyone who has dealt with an illness and they will tell you , it has changed their life for the better . Too bad , it had to take a tradegy for us to remember that .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
I think otherwise . To me , cancer has only brought Blessings in my life . I know people find that strange , but it's true . Here are some Blessings in my life since my cancer .
1. This one may be difficult to believe , but I'm happy that the steroids made me gain some weight . I actually like myself with these curves . I would like to lose my stomache , but the rest can stay . Before all of this , I was a size 4 . Whenever I look at some old pictures of myself , I realize that I looked too skinny . At least now , I look healthy .
2. I also found out who I am both on the inside as well as on the outside . I'm very comfortable in this old skin of mine . My relationships are healthy and strong . I'm also mentally stronger to handle any difficulties that may arise .
3 . Cancer has allowed me to face my own mortality . I had to accept death and learn not to be afraid of it . Instead of looking at it as an end , it's just a beginning of something to look forward to .
4. I've also learned not to get angry . I still fail sometimes , but mainly , nothing is that important that I need to waste my energy on being upset . I can't control other people or their actions . I try to better myself and my actions .
5 . Lastly , I've learned to live my life .
Ask anyone who has dealt with an illness and they will tell you , it has changed their life for the better . Too bad , it had to take a tradegy for us to remember that .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Saturday, April 20, 2013
I've Got A Feeling
Well , this concludes my week off from writing . I hope you enjoyed going back in time with me . Here's the final story of my vacay .. . .
I've got a feeling......oooooooh , ooooooh .
That's right . There's something happening . I'm on the verge of something big . Only HE knows what that is . You're all probably wondering what the heck is she talking about ?!
You see , this past month hasn't been good at all . Many things have happened --- alot of it not pleasant . Just when things couldn't get any worse I had the rug pulled from under me . Didn't see it coming . It always hurts the most when you don't see it . Shock . Disbelief . Hurt . Anger and stupidity . Yes , stupidity . Why didn't I see it ?
I literally fell to my knees and prayed . Made me think of the Book of Job . You see I didn't just pray but howled as I prayed just like JOB . I prayed out loud in my car while I was driving . People must have thought I was CRAZY !!!!!
A friend once asked me if I ever went to a sanatorium for a rest -- to think . I thought he was nuts . Why would I want to go there ? I'm not looney . But he was right . I spent the last two weeks to myself . Cancelled what I could and sat by myself . Just thinking . Listening to music . Everyone wondering where I'm at .
I have spent the last three years wondering what it is that GOD wants me to do .You all have heard me say "Is God's plan the same as my plan".Well , I think God has been waiting too long for me to get up and get a move on with His plan for me .
All my life I have been scared to do things like driving on the expressway . So as I'm going through this difficult patch I kept asking myself why ? Why ? Why ? You know why ? Because I'm trying to run the show . If I want to truly know what HIS plan is for me than I need to surrender it all to him . I need to learn trust . I don't know how to trust .
My son gave up half his salary to do a job that he truly felt God wanted him to do . He lived by faith not by sight . He knew that God would take care of him and He has .This is where I'm at right now . I feel I'm on the edge to live by faith not by sight . To do this I have decided to take up a challenge for myself in the coming year.
Three years ago , I faced a challenge as I battled stage 3 ovarian cancer . Part of my healing involved making blankets for everyone in my family . I wanted to leave a part of me behind so they will always have something to remember me by.
This year , I want to make blankets for St.Jude Hospital's kids . I want to spend this year making as many as I can and a year from now donate them to the children . I want those kids to feel a bit of home when they're in the hospital . I know what that feels like . I spent 4 months total in and out of the hospital during a 6 month period .
What I need from you is two things .First , I need prayer for strength and endurance . Because it won't be easy .There will be obstacles . Whenever, we look inside of us we find things we don't like .
Secondly , I need yarn and plenty of it . I don't want money , just yarn . I know that somewhere in someone's basement , attic or even an aunt's house there is old unused yarn . Don't matter the color , texture , size or amount . I'll make it work .
If someone is interested in making a blanket --feel free . Just one thing-we're making it not buying a blanket .There is something very special knowing someone took the time to make something just for you .
I don't know how this is all going to work out . I don't even know if St.Jude will take it . When I made the blankets for my family I was able to make like eleven blankets from Thanksgiving to Christmas Day .
I've got a feeling its gonna be a good , good day .
This story was written before the slippers . At first , I wanted to make blankets , but then I realized how long it would take me to make hundreds . I did make a total 6 which I gave to my son to give away to a nursing home . Yes , these are the blankets you stored in his garage instead . Today , those blankets will go to the homeless .
HAve a Blessed day everyone .
I've got a feeling......oooooooh , ooooooh .
That's right . There's something happening . I'm on the verge of something big . Only HE knows what that is . You're all probably wondering what the heck is she talking about ?!
You see , this past month hasn't been good at all . Many things have happened --- alot of it not pleasant . Just when things couldn't get any worse I had the rug pulled from under me . Didn't see it coming . It always hurts the most when you don't see it . Shock . Disbelief . Hurt . Anger and stupidity . Yes , stupidity . Why didn't I see it ?
I literally fell to my knees and prayed . Made me think of the Book of Job . You see I didn't just pray but howled as I prayed just like JOB . I prayed out loud in my car while I was driving . People must have thought I was CRAZY !!!!!
A friend once asked me if I ever went to a sanatorium for a rest -- to think . I thought he was nuts . Why would I want to go there ? I'm not looney . But he was right . I spent the last two weeks to myself . Cancelled what I could and sat by myself . Just thinking . Listening to music . Everyone wondering where I'm at .
I have spent the last three years wondering what it is that GOD wants me to do .You all have heard me say "Is God's plan the same as my plan".Well , I think God has been waiting too long for me to get up and get a move on with His plan for me .
All my life I have been scared to do things like driving on the expressway . So as I'm going through this difficult patch I kept asking myself why ? Why ? Why ? You know why ? Because I'm trying to run the show . If I want to truly know what HIS plan is for me than I need to surrender it all to him . I need to learn trust . I don't know how to trust .
My son gave up half his salary to do a job that he truly felt God wanted him to do . He lived by faith not by sight . He knew that God would take care of him and He has .This is where I'm at right now . I feel I'm on the edge to live by faith not by sight . To do this I have decided to take up a challenge for myself in the coming year.
Three years ago , I faced a challenge as I battled stage 3 ovarian cancer . Part of my healing involved making blankets for everyone in my family . I wanted to leave a part of me behind so they will always have something to remember me by.
This year , I want to make blankets for St.Jude Hospital's kids . I want to spend this year making as many as I can and a year from now donate them to the children . I want those kids to feel a bit of home when they're in the hospital . I know what that feels like . I spent 4 months total in and out of the hospital during a 6 month period .
What I need from you is two things .First , I need prayer for strength and endurance . Because it won't be easy .There will be obstacles . Whenever, we look inside of us we find things we don't like .
Secondly , I need yarn and plenty of it . I don't want money , just yarn . I know that somewhere in someone's basement , attic or even an aunt's house there is old unused yarn . Don't matter the color , texture , size or amount . I'll make it work .
If someone is interested in making a blanket --feel free . Just one thing-we're making it not buying a blanket .There is something very special knowing someone took the time to make something just for you .
I don't know how this is all going to work out . I don't even know if St.Jude will take it . When I made the blankets for my family I was able to make like eleven blankets from Thanksgiving to Christmas Day .
I've got a feeling its gonna be a good , good day .
This story was written before the slippers . At first , I wanted to make blankets , but then I realized how long it would take me to make hundreds . I did make a total 6 which I gave to my son to give away to a nursing home . Yes , these are the blankets you stored in his garage instead . Today , those blankets will go to the homeless .
HAve a Blessed day everyone .
Friday, April 19, 2013
I've Got A Feeling -Take 1
I'm sure all of you have noticed that I've taken this week off from writing . Instead , I've been posting some stories I wrote from awhile ago , but never posted . So .........without further ado , here's another one .
Hello Everyone!!
Lately , I haven't been feeling like writing . It seemed like a cloud was over me . My mind would become a total blank . Sometimes life is just too much , coming at you from all sides . There's only one thing to do . Call in a prayer request from my girls and pack it up AND GO ON A TRIP !!!!
This trip started out with two goals in mind , but I added in a third one unconsciously . I didn't even know there was a third until the trip was over .
The week before the trip , I was ready to jump off a cliff . Did you ever feel like getting in your car and driving to nowhere ? With no particular destination ----- just drive and blast the music . Thats how I have been feeling for quite sometime now .
This trip was planned for months .You see my son is getting married and we were getting together to plan the wedding . The other goal was to drive to Springfield for the first time on the expressway . I'll tell you a secret.....I have been afraid , too afraid , to drive on the expressway . My fears have always kept me back from doing things . I didn't learn to drive until I was 35 years old !!!!
I thought it was time . Henry gave me a GPS and I asked my mom to go with me and we were off . At first , I didn't know how to quite read the GPS and kept making all the wrong turns . Almost gave up . I stopped , reset the darn thing and headed out again .This time , I didn't make any wrong turns all the way . I was so proud of myself . Overcame a fear . Silly isn't it?
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Hello Everyone!!
Lately , I haven't been feeling like writing . It seemed like a cloud was over me . My mind would become a total blank . Sometimes life is just too much , coming at you from all sides . There's only one thing to do . Call in a prayer request from my girls and pack it up AND GO ON A TRIP !!!!
This trip started out with two goals in mind , but I added in a third one unconsciously . I didn't even know there was a third until the trip was over .
The week before the trip , I was ready to jump off a cliff . Did you ever feel like getting in your car and driving to nowhere ? With no particular destination ----- just drive and blast the music . Thats how I have been feeling for quite sometime now .
This trip was planned for months .You see my son is getting married and we were getting together to plan the wedding . The other goal was to drive to Springfield for the first time on the expressway . I'll tell you a secret.....I have been afraid , too afraid , to drive on the expressway . My fears have always kept me back from doing things . I didn't learn to drive until I was 35 years old !!!!
I thought it was time . Henry gave me a GPS and I asked my mom to go with me and we were off . At first , I didn't know how to quite read the GPS and kept making all the wrong turns . Almost gave up . I stopped , reset the darn thing and headed out again .This time , I didn't make any wrong turns all the way . I was so proud of myself . Overcame a fear . Silly isn't it?
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Thursday, April 18, 2013
My Spiritual Testimony
Today, in church , I sat there and reflected on my love for GOD . I felt such profound peace and love inside me .
I never would have thought it possible for me to love being in church let alone looking for Sunday to come . Never have I thought I would be so fulfilled and sated spiritually . I , am not bored in church . I love going to church and the best part ...I could stay there for hours . I can't even believe I am saying this .
There are times that Sunday can't come fast enough for me because I NEED to go to church . So I sat there and thought to myself how much I have grown . It reminded me of Psalm 116 .
I love the Lord , for He heard my voice
He heard my cry for mercy
because He turned His ear to me
I will call on Him as long as I live
the cords of death entangled me
the anguish of the grave came upon me
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow
then I called on the name of the Lord
O Lord , save me !!
That's what I was thinking about in church today . I couldn't think of one prayer request to make today because all I could feel is praise for Him .Today it was all about gratitude .
We had an altar call . An altar call for those who want to deepen their relationship with Christ . As I stood there and looked around , half the church was at the altar and I felt tears because I thought to myself everyone must be feeling what I am .
If there was one thing , one wish that I would make for everyone is that they would experience that spiritual fulfillment that I feel .
Have a Blessed week everyone!!!
I never would have thought it possible for me to love being in church let alone looking for Sunday to come . Never have I thought I would be so fulfilled and sated spiritually . I , am not bored in church . I love going to church and the best part ...I could stay there for hours . I can't even believe I am saying this .
There are times that Sunday can't come fast enough for me because I NEED to go to church . So I sat there and thought to myself how much I have grown . It reminded me of Psalm 116 .
I love the Lord , for He heard my voice
He heard my cry for mercy
because He turned His ear to me
I will call on Him as long as I live
the cords of death entangled me
the anguish of the grave came upon me
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow
then I called on the name of the Lord
O Lord , save me !!
That's what I was thinking about in church today . I couldn't think of one prayer request to make today because all I could feel is praise for Him .Today it was all about gratitude .
We had an altar call . An altar call for those who want to deepen their relationship with Christ . As I stood there and looked around , half the church was at the altar and I felt tears because I thought to myself everyone must be feeling what I am .
If there was one thing , one wish that I would make for everyone is that they would experience that spiritual fulfillment that I feel .
Have a Blessed week everyone!!!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Big Adventure Final Day
My body is slowly healing from my sores which means I'm peeling all over . I'm so incredibly itching and my skin is feeling so very raw .The bright side of this . . . . my skin , in the end , will be very soft . Here is the final installment of my time in Texas .
It all has come to an end . Even though it took me hours and hours of being delayed coming home I would still take the train again . I love the train and one day I want to be on the Orient Express !!! I'm already planning my next trip out to visit Carolyn in Florida . I don't know exactly when but I'm going .
I did hear on the news when I got back that Dallas had a tornado in downtown Dallas .Wow !!! That's where I was . Now I know for sure Emily will never go with me .
Another thing is I never left my car before unattended at a train depot . It was taken care just fine . I did pray all around my car before I left and also the house right along with my family .
I have to say that when I got home and jumped into bed.......that bed felt like a 5 star hotel bed . I snuggled in and slept the best sleep of my life !!!!
Have a Blessed day everyone .
It all has come to an end . Even though it took me hours and hours of being delayed coming home I would still take the train again . I love the train and one day I want to be on the Orient Express !!! I'm already planning my next trip out to visit Carolyn in Florida . I don't know exactly when but I'm going .
I did hear on the news when I got back that Dallas had a tornado in downtown Dallas .Wow !!! That's where I was . Now I know for sure Emily will never go with me .
Another thing is I never left my car before unattended at a train depot . It was taken care just fine . I did pray all around my car before I left and also the house right along with my family .
I have to say that when I got home and jumped into bed.......that bed felt like a 5 star hotel bed . I snuggled in and slept the best sleep of my life !!!!
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Big Adventure Day 2
As I re-read the stories from long ago , I find myself thinking how amateurish they seem . I feel like my writing has improved since then .
Hey everyone,
I slept very well last night . Couldn't believe that I didn't wake up in the middle of the night like I usually do . Last night , Anna made brownie sundaes and we all settled down on the couch to watch a movie .The kids were so excited for me to watch this movie with them . All I know folks is that Matthew Connaughy was in it with that Alias girl . The next thing I know it was morning .
I know , I know . How can I behave like this at someone's house ?At least , I finished my sundae and then fell asleep .Why waste food .
There is so much to see here .There is a Cowgirl Museum , another Wax Museum , a Water Park , Great America Six Flags etc . I wanted to go to the Zoo . It's been years and years since I last went to the zoo .
By the time this family got up and dressed it was like 1p.m . But it wasn't the kids fault , it was mama bear that caused so much delay . Anna , is Miss Accessorize !!!!!! This woman looks good all the time from the top of her head to her toes . Everything matches-even her underwear ! Anna looks like she just jumped out of the magazine pages of ELLE .
There is nothing but expressways here and it's a different kind of weather .Today was in the 90's but yet it was a different 90's than what we are accustomed to .The hottest time of the day is around 3p.m. until 5p.m. or so .Then it gets real windy and I mean windy . Forget about your hairdo then . Mom would not like this part . She has a thing about her hair .
First thing you see when you get to the zoo is this huge giraffe . It's really cool . One thing I noticed right away about this zoo is that it had alot of greenery. Almost like a nature exhibit with all kinds of flowers and shrubs .These shrubs had a real tough rubbery- like leaves . Almost felt like plastic and then it dawned on me that they have to because of the rough heat . Palm trees everywhere . Never thought palm trees were in Texas .
There was a Cat In The Hat exhibit in the childrens zoo where you could take a picture with the cat . Of course , Anna was the first one in line . I told her its for the children Anna - the children . There were camel rides , a merry-go-round and you could take a picture holding a snake .That's what I did !!!!! I wanted a camel ride but it cost like 5 dollars a person and there were 5 of us .You pay to park ,you pay to get in and then you pay to eat . It can all add up . They did have this cup you could buy and then get free refills forever no matter when you came back .
You should have seen Anna ! She was like a little kid in the zoo . She filmed all the animals moving around up close and plans to put it on facebook . She also plans to post all the pics of us .Why do pics add on extra weight ? I know I don't look this heavy in person . I only have two chins!
Right after that , we went shopping to a couple stores .We were only getting one thing , but came out with a shopping cart . I don't know what happened . Another thing I noticed is that they have every store here and restaurants too . No different than Chicago . I find that very strange because when I go by Joey and even to Springfield I don't find the same stores there .
When we got home it was like 8:30p.m. and they still had laundry to do . The complex comes with a laundry room for everyone to use . I find that is neat and noticed that even by Joey all the apartments come with one except in Chicago AND all apartments come with your own parking ! Even by Joe , wherever he has lived , he has had his own spot . I like that .
While they were doing laundry I partook of a bubble bath .That's right and I'm not feeling guilty . When they got back the kids cleaned the house while we sat around and Anna did her nails .That is her new hobby-----manicures . She is an artist when it comes to nail work .You should see her nails .She doesn't just put polish on them , she puts 3 different kinds of polish on them and then she paints a design too . I asked her when she has time to do her housework and stuff .You know what she said ? That's what kids are for .Well , I just shut up then .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Hey everyone,
I slept very well last night . Couldn't believe that I didn't wake up in the middle of the night like I usually do . Last night , Anna made brownie sundaes and we all settled down on the couch to watch a movie .The kids were so excited for me to watch this movie with them . All I know folks is that Matthew Connaughy was in it with that Alias girl . The next thing I know it was morning .
I know , I know . How can I behave like this at someone's house ?At least , I finished my sundae and then fell asleep .Why waste food .
There is so much to see here .There is a Cowgirl Museum , another Wax Museum , a Water Park , Great America Six Flags etc . I wanted to go to the Zoo . It's been years and years since I last went to the zoo .
By the time this family got up and dressed it was like 1p.m . But it wasn't the kids fault , it was mama bear that caused so much delay . Anna , is Miss Accessorize !!!!!! This woman looks good all the time from the top of her head to her toes . Everything matches-even her underwear ! Anna looks like she just jumped out of the magazine pages of ELLE .
There is nothing but expressways here and it's a different kind of weather .Today was in the 90's but yet it was a different 90's than what we are accustomed to .The hottest time of the day is around 3p.m. until 5p.m. or so .Then it gets real windy and I mean windy . Forget about your hairdo then . Mom would not like this part . She has a thing about her hair .
First thing you see when you get to the zoo is this huge giraffe . It's really cool . One thing I noticed right away about this zoo is that it had alot of greenery. Almost like a nature exhibit with all kinds of flowers and shrubs .These shrubs had a real tough rubbery- like leaves . Almost felt like plastic and then it dawned on me that they have to because of the rough heat . Palm trees everywhere . Never thought palm trees were in Texas .
There was a Cat In The Hat exhibit in the childrens zoo where you could take a picture with the cat . Of course , Anna was the first one in line . I told her its for the children Anna - the children . There were camel rides , a merry-go-round and you could take a picture holding a snake .That's what I did !!!!! I wanted a camel ride but it cost like 5 dollars a person and there were 5 of us .You pay to park ,you pay to get in and then you pay to eat . It can all add up . They did have this cup you could buy and then get free refills forever no matter when you came back .
You should have seen Anna ! She was like a little kid in the zoo . She filmed all the animals moving around up close and plans to put it on facebook . She also plans to post all the pics of us .Why do pics add on extra weight ? I know I don't look this heavy in person . I only have two chins!
Right after that , we went shopping to a couple stores .We were only getting one thing , but came out with a shopping cart . I don't know what happened . Another thing I noticed is that they have every store here and restaurants too . No different than Chicago . I find that very strange because when I go by Joey and even to Springfield I don't find the same stores there .
When we got home it was like 8:30p.m. and they still had laundry to do . The complex comes with a laundry room for everyone to use . I find that is neat and noticed that even by Joey all the apartments come with one except in Chicago AND all apartments come with your own parking ! Even by Joe , wherever he has lived , he has had his own spot . I like that .
While they were doing laundry I partook of a bubble bath .That's right and I'm not feeling guilty . When they got back the kids cleaned the house while we sat around and Anna did her nails .That is her new hobby-----manicures . She is an artist when it comes to nail work .You should see her nails .She doesn't just put polish on them , she puts 3 different kinds of polish on them and then she paints a design too . I asked her when she has time to do her housework and stuff .You know what she said ? That's what kids are for .Well , I just shut up then .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
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