It's good to let go and laugh when life is weighing you down . It won't change any of the circumstances you find yourself in , but when you can laugh at the antics of others , it helps to lighten the load .
Sheila Walsh
You can only cry for so long . Sooner or later , you have to get up off the floor and dust yourself off and move on living out your life . We cannot worry ourselves with what is wrong with others when there is so much wrong with ourselves . That's what I've discovered in my Joy study . . . . the wrong within me .
Does that mean I'm completely cured of all that ailed me in the first place ? Probably not . Will I love my work situation like nothing before ? Maybe . Will I fall off the wagon ? Oh yeah . All that and more because I am human . I am the daughter of Adam and Eve , I will fall , but when I do , I will get up and do my very best not to fall twice in the same place .
When we realize our days here matter , our pain has significance and our choices are meaningful , we can step through the darkest of times with hope in our hearts .
Oh hope . . . . that is the magic word . Without it , why even bother ? If I feel that all is lost , why should I continue ? Hope is the glue that holds all of us during our most difficult times . Who is hope ? Ever heard of the saying , " Hope is in the Lord " ? To me , that's who is my hope . Without Him , there is no Joy to enter into .
As I near the end of my Joy study , I can't help but wonder about that little nagging thought way back there in the darkened corner where no one wants to look . All the reasons I've listed are true regarding work , but that's not the only ones . There is that truth that I associate work with resistance to my life's plan .
I have this perfect image in my head of what I want to be doing . Don't we all ? Don't some of you wish you could be on a beach or sailing the world ? We all have that image fermented in our brains as that perfect dream life . In my mind , work is the only resistence to that dream .
Then I think of the Paul , who spent his life traveling evangelizing about Jesus . He never married , was probably lonely traveling all the time and I'm sure he had other plans before becoming a follower of Christ and yet . . . . he lived out his purpose . Maybe , my purpose isn't where I think it should be . We always think we know what is best for us , but how many times our best has led us astray ?
Could acknowledging and accepting our purpose mean we are finally entering Joy in our life ? I think so . It's like when we are sick . We know the medicine tastes bitter , but we need it to help us get better . When we accept that fact , it somehow goes down alot smoother and quicker .
Mmmm , I think I'm finally getting this Joy thing . Have a Blessed day everyone .
Friday, March 8, 2013
A Hook Of Yarn
I think this past chemo was probably the first one where my routine was completely changed in six years ! Inside my chemo bag , there were no puzzles , no hook nor yarn for crocheting ! Not one . Instead , it was filled with magazines of every kind and my Joy study book .
As interesting as the new change was , my mind kept drifting , almost longingly , to my crocheting . Oh , how my fingers twitched to mimick the movements of my craft . The feel of the yarn's texture as it slips through my fingers . . . yes , I miss my crocheting .
The nurses and doctors , all stopped in to see what was my current project . . . . only to discover there wasn't one . When has this hook and yarn become such a comfort to me ? My friend who disguises my pain ? It has been taken away from me with the crippling of my fingers .
Flipping through the magazine , ideas formed with every new item that leapt off the page . What has happened to that woman who only knew how to make blankets ? Her mind expanded with a thirst to do more with her craft .
Yes , I can't wait to get back into my crocheting . Thoughts of new projects occupied the remainder of my hours there . Which one shall I start on first ?
The magazines laying on my lap , long forgotten as my mind drifted off . . . .yet again , into crocheting wonderland .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
As interesting as the new change was , my mind kept drifting , almost longingly , to my crocheting . Oh , how my fingers twitched to mimick the movements of my craft . The feel of the yarn's texture as it slips through my fingers . . . yes , I miss my crocheting .
The nurses and doctors , all stopped in to see what was my current project . . . . only to discover there wasn't one . When has this hook and yarn become such a comfort to me ? My friend who disguises my pain ? It has been taken away from me with the crippling of my fingers .
Flipping through the magazine , ideas formed with every new item that leapt off the page . What has happened to that woman who only knew how to make blankets ? Her mind expanded with a thirst to do more with her craft .
Yes , I can't wait to get back into my crocheting . Thoughts of new projects occupied the remainder of my hours there . Which one shall I start on first ?
The magazines laying on my lap , long forgotten as my mind drifted off . . . .yet again , into crocheting wonderland .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
A Year Ago
In the midst of preparing for my new couch , a little Spring cleaning occurred . A little dusting here , a rearrangement of figurines over there . An old , dirty curtain was taken down and a clean one brought in the morning sun . Small blotches of the brightness hit randomly on the snow covered ground . Spring is almost here .
A year ago , what was I doing then ? Did I feel like today ? Did I feel a change coming on , an acceptance of some sort ? Or did I feel overwhelmed with what was coming ? What was I doing then ? A year ago .
In March of last year , I was preparing to go back to work and a few days before , boils appeared on my body . I remember now . I remember how hard of a transition it was this returning to work .
What will I feel this time next year ? Will I look back with wonder of how I made it through ? Or disappointment of a broken wish that didn't come true ? A year from now .
I'm feeling nostalgic since my treatment . Sitting here , looking out my cherished window , wondering what this new change I'm experiencing will actually bring . Maybe , it's the slow acceptance that each bout with cancer brings . Acceptance of what the outcome will eventually deliver .
A year ago , I was so happy and secretly wishing . . . . praying . . . that this would be the last time . All those tears I cried a year ago . .. . all for the sake of this cancerous root that won't be plucked out .
A year ago , I sat here , too . Sat here , looking out my cherished window , wishing everyone a Blessed Day .
A year ago , what was I doing then ? Did I feel like today ? Did I feel a change coming on , an acceptance of some sort ? Or did I feel overwhelmed with what was coming ? What was I doing then ? A year ago .
In March of last year , I was preparing to go back to work and a few days before , boils appeared on my body . I remember now . I remember how hard of a transition it was this returning to work .
What will I feel this time next year ? Will I look back with wonder of how I made it through ? Or disappointment of a broken wish that didn't come true ? A year from now .
I'm feeling nostalgic since my treatment . Sitting here , looking out my cherished window , wondering what this new change I'm experiencing will actually bring . Maybe , it's the slow acceptance that each bout with cancer brings . Acceptance of what the outcome will eventually deliver .
A year ago , I was so happy and secretly wishing . . . . praying . . . that this would be the last time . All those tears I cried a year ago . .. . all for the sake of this cancerous root that won't be plucked out .
A year ago , I sat here , too . Sat here , looking out my cherished window , wishing everyone a Blessed Day .
Bolster Me With Love
In God's way of thinking , everything that comes our way has a purpose . The things we'd rather forget or do over again might be the very things He's using to make us stronger , wiser and more trusting .
Let me also add that our experiences can benefit others . I have shared many of my own stories with other women , both young and old . I have come to learn that we , as women , need other women so we can bolster each other during our trials in life . What does it mean to bolster one another ?
Bolster means " to support or prop up, to buoy or hearten " . When you need a good cry or someone to hear you out or make you laugh , who do you call ? You call another woman .
Yet , because we are women , it's so difficult for us to get along at times . We are so very different and these differences can stir up feelings of jealousy , resentment and dislike . I say all this because somewhere between page one and seventy-nine of my Joy study , these feelings have left me . I , no longer think negatively regarding my work situation . Instead , I feel compassion and have a strong desire to encourage rather than show disdain .
We as Christians are encouraged to share , minister and strive for harmony with others . I find , that we as women , need to rejoice with one another and let that be our strength rather than our enemy .
For that reason , let's take time this week to bolster someone's joy and faith . Have a Blessed day everyone .
Let me also add that our experiences can benefit others . I have shared many of my own stories with other women , both young and old . I have come to learn that we , as women , need other women so we can bolster each other during our trials in life . What does it mean to bolster one another ?
Bolster means " to support or prop up, to buoy or hearten " . When you need a good cry or someone to hear you out or make you laugh , who do you call ? You call another woman .
Yet , because we are women , it's so difficult for us to get along at times . We are so very different and these differences can stir up feelings of jealousy , resentment and dislike . I say all this because somewhere between page one and seventy-nine of my Joy study , these feelings have left me . I , no longer think negatively regarding my work situation . Instead , I feel compassion and have a strong desire to encourage rather than show disdain .
We as Christians are encouraged to share , minister and strive for harmony with others . I find , that we as women , need to rejoice with one another and let that be our strength rather than our enemy .
For that reason , let's take time this week to bolster someone's joy and faith . Have a Blessed day everyone .
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
A Promise Delivered
Last Fall , I wrote a blog about my search for a couch at an estate sale . Unfortunately , I walked away without a couch in my possession . That very night , which was a Saturday , I felt an inner voice telling me to place my couch money into the offering basket at church the next day . Sounds familiar ? Remember reading this ?
Well , God delivered his promise to me with a couch that was delivered to my front door today . I paid nothing for it . I did nothing but open the door and tell them where to deposit it . Do you know the best part yet ? It matched the decor in my living room ! How awesome is that ?! Now , my living room is complete and I totally love it .
When I listened to that inner voice and gave away that money , I knew , I actually knew God would bring me that couch . It didn't happen overnight , but I waited patiently and here I am sitting on it .
Lord , Jesus , You are my provider and caregiver . I cannot imagine my life without You in it . You have carried me through so many storms whether I am worthy or not of Your love and forgiveness . You are my Father and I am Your daughter .
May we always remember that He delivers on His promises . Have a Blessed Day everyone .
10
Well , God delivered his promise to me with a couch that was delivered to my front door today . I paid nothing for it . I did nothing but open the door and tell them where to deposit it . Do you know the best part yet ? It matched the decor in my living room ! How awesome is that ?! Now , my living room is complete and I totally love it .
When I listened to that inner voice and gave away that money , I knew , I actually knew God would bring me that couch . It didn't happen overnight , but I waited patiently and here I am sitting on it .
Lord , Jesus , You are my provider and caregiver . I cannot imagine my life without You in it . You have carried me through so many storms whether I am worthy or not of Your love and forgiveness . You are my Father and I am Your daughter .
May we always remember that He delivers on His promises . Have a Blessed Day everyone .
10
Sunday, March 3, 2013
The Lifestyle
" We don't recognize the value in celebrating the strange twists , the difficulties , the so-called failures , when we really should .. .and could . We consider our flops or hard times a defeat , but in reality they are God's greatest compliments . They're transforming love gifts from a gracious heavenly Father ".
Luci Swindoll
My 4th chemo treatment was on Friday and probably the longest time spent there thus far . It started to snow on my way to the hospital and I arrived late . They were so busy . . . the clinic overflowing . . . . delays everywhere .
I love my doctor and enjoy all my visits with her . She examined all my rashes . . . the only part of me not covered in them happens to be my face , neck and calves . The latest spot happened to be my belly button and it made my tummy swell up abit . She just shook her head and grimaced at how much pain I must have been in .
You still want to continue ?
Absolutely ! I'm almost done . Maybe this time it will last at least a couple of years in between .
I know you had that nice long spell after the first time , but it happens so much quickly from that point on .
You mean , I will have to do this every year ?
Maybe , we'll see . Let's talk more when the latest petscan arrives .
As I sat there in my recliner with the chemo dripping into my bloodstream , my heart sank . I don't want to do this every year . I thought of my calendar covering the length of my desk . On it , penciled in were all my dates and upcoming events in my life . All my chemo dates were entered in brightly colored pens .
As I thought about that calendar , I thought how much my life has changed with each return of this blasted cancer . It started with the cancer fitting within my life and now , I have to fit in my life among the camcer .
So many changes brought on into my life since the cancer . Regardless of all the pain that came with it , I can honestly say , that for these past six years I have truly begun to live my life . I guess , that's what it really means to find Joy within my struggles in life . I think I get it now .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Luci Swindoll
My 4th chemo treatment was on Friday and probably the longest time spent there thus far . It started to snow on my way to the hospital and I arrived late . They were so busy . . . the clinic overflowing . . . . delays everywhere .
I love my doctor and enjoy all my visits with her . She examined all my rashes . . . the only part of me not covered in them happens to be my face , neck and calves . The latest spot happened to be my belly button and it made my tummy swell up abit . She just shook her head and grimaced at how much pain I must have been in .
You still want to continue ?
Absolutely ! I'm almost done . Maybe this time it will last at least a couple of years in between .
I know you had that nice long spell after the first time , but it happens so much quickly from that point on .
You mean , I will have to do this every year ?
Maybe , we'll see . Let's talk more when the latest petscan arrives .
As I sat there in my recliner with the chemo dripping into my bloodstream , my heart sank . I don't want to do this every year . I thought of my calendar covering the length of my desk . On it , penciled in were all my dates and upcoming events in my life . All my chemo dates were entered in brightly colored pens .
As I thought about that calendar , I thought how much my life has changed with each return of this blasted cancer . It started with the cancer fitting within my life and now , I have to fit in my life among the camcer .
So many changes brought on into my life since the cancer . Regardless of all the pain that came with it , I can honestly say , that for these past six years I have truly begun to live my life . I guess , that's what it really means to find Joy within my struggles in life . I think I get it now .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Exercise Me
When I first read in our Church bulletin about the exercise class that would be held in the basement every Saturday morning , I was delighted . I practically ran to sign up , so enthused was I .
Now , a whole month later , I wish I could say the same . My body covered with rashes and sores , I have no idea what I was thinking back then . Wait a minute ! I know what I was thinking ! I was thinking skinny , but I now know I will never be skinny again .
The first session involved an introductory lesson as to what equipment we would need and the type of exercises we would be performing . We sat around and chatted with one another and expressed what we wanted to get out of this class .
The second session I missed since I spent the weekend visiting my grandkids in Springfield . I did end up buying all my exercise equipment at Walmart while over there . I wasn't happy spending the money unless I saw some results from this class .
The third session I also missed because of the rashes and sores that appeared from my chemo . I felt like I abandoned my instructor especially since I made such a huge deal of telling her how much I was looking forward to this . Now , I'm a no show .
So this morning , I grabbed my gear and headed out to my exercise class . Upon arriving , there were like fifty people throughout the church spring cleaning . I totally forgotten about this happening today . Again , no exercise class .
Coming home , telling Emily of why I'm back so soon , she says to me .. . .
" Boy , you really lucked out exercising , haven't you . What's your excuse for next week ? "
She is so right . I hate exercising and deep down inside , I wonder how much of this has really been an excuse to justify my inaction towards it . I'm looking for the easy way out without my actually putting in any hard work . If I want to lose the weight , really lose the weight , I have to work for it .
Again , that girl is right ! Have a Blessed day everyone .
Now , a whole month later , I wish I could say the same . My body covered with rashes and sores , I have no idea what I was thinking back then . Wait a minute ! I know what I was thinking ! I was thinking skinny , but I now know I will never be skinny again .
The first session involved an introductory lesson as to what equipment we would need and the type of exercises we would be performing . We sat around and chatted with one another and expressed what we wanted to get out of this class .
The second session I missed since I spent the weekend visiting my grandkids in Springfield . I did end up buying all my exercise equipment at Walmart while over there . I wasn't happy spending the money unless I saw some results from this class .
The third session I also missed because of the rashes and sores that appeared from my chemo . I felt like I abandoned my instructor especially since I made such a huge deal of telling her how much I was looking forward to this . Now , I'm a no show .
So this morning , I grabbed my gear and headed out to my exercise class . Upon arriving , there were like fifty people throughout the church spring cleaning . I totally forgotten about this happening today . Again , no exercise class .
Coming home , telling Emily of why I'm back so soon , she says to me .. . .
" Boy , you really lucked out exercising , haven't you . What's your excuse for next week ? "
She is so right . I hate exercising and deep down inside , I wonder how much of this has really been an excuse to justify my inaction towards it . I'm looking for the easy way out without my actually putting in any hard work . If I want to lose the weight , really lose the weight , I have to work for it .
Again , that girl is right ! Have a Blessed day everyone .
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