Rearview Mirror

                                                               Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.




Faith that withstood the shocks of toil and time,
Hope that defied despair,
Patience that conquered care,
And loyalty whose courage was sublime;

Teaching us how to seek the highest goal,
To earn the true success;
To live to love, to bless,
And make death proud to take a royal soul.

--Louisa M. Alcott.

I've been cleaning out my files and came across the following story that I wrote for Thought Collection Notebook. I'm quite proud of this fictional story. It was my first attempt as an author writing out of the blue and based on just my imagination. I did use my own vehicle as the description of the car in the story. There is a little bit of excitement when one sees their own name in print. I hope you will enjoy. 

Rearview Mirror
 Thursday, February 04, 2016 - Lottie Krol

Looking into my rearview mirror, I saw the red 1998 Ford Durango instantly as the vibrancy of the color contrasted against the silver greys lined up in the parking lot. There he was again, so close to me and yet keeping his distance as to not to be conspicuous.

How did I get myself into this? Was I too forward with him? Did I do something to make him think I wanted his attention? Why can't he accept the no as a no?

It all began so innocently, him just talking to me in his spare time at work. It wasn't sexual in nature at all. Just two co-workers chatting away to make the workday go by faster. Then he wanted to go out for lunch once in a while. Why not? People do it all the time. It's just work. It doesn't mean anything, right?

Somewhere along the way people began whispering about us as if we were a couple. Every time we left for lunch, looks were thrown our way and snickering began as our backs were turned heading out the door. I kept telling myself that I couldn't change people's opinions. Let them think what they wanted, I knew it was innocent. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I don't know when he became more demanding of my time and jealous if any other man spoke to me or laughed with me. If I didn't go out to lunch with him, he would storm off in a rage, not even bothering to mind other people around us.

The whispers grew louder and so did the glances our way. Gossip ran rampage throughout the company of our supposed affair. There was nothing going on, let them think whatever they wanted. I knew better. I can't help what their minds conjure up. No matter how much I tried to defend our friendship, people thought otherwise.

Every time he stormed off mad, he would come back apologizing that he knew we were only friends, but he had a bad day and asked for my forgiveness. I believed him the first couple of times it happened, but his outbursts kept getting worse, louder, and more frequent. It didn't matter to him whether we had an audience or not. His emotions took over exploding into angry outbursts providing entertainment to our fellow co-workers.

At that point, I've had enough. I could talk to whomever I wanted to and when I wanted to and I definitely didn't need someone thinking that they owned me. Especially since this person was only a fellow co-worker.

I confronted him face to face, telling him we could not have lunch any longer, nor did I want him hanging around all the time. He became very angry, angrier than I've ever seen him, accusing me of having a relationship with another man at work. I was stunned at his behavior. Why was he acting this way? We were just friends! 

Where did he get off acting like a jealous boyfriend?

Did my acceptance of his offer of lunch everyday cloud his romantic judgment? Did he think I was his woman? Apparently, his lunch as well as his friendship, came with a price, a price I wasn't willing to pay anymore.

That was more than a year ago. I can now see that my desire not to hurt him only fueled his belief that I could be his for the taking. The more I protested for him to stop, the more he cried that he wanted only my friendship, promising he would stop being so clingy. It never lasted long before his jealousies erupted over and over again.

I spent these past months avoiding him at all costs. His pitiful excuses to come over to my desk for business reasons are so cliché in their absurdity. I could so easily have him fired for sexual harassment, yet, I still feel sorry for him and his obvious need to be loved by a woman half his age. A man in his fifties going through a midlife crisis.

Perhaps, I still feel guilty for accepting his attentiveness in gestures of a lunch or a coffee? Should I not have accepted the flowers for my birthday? Or just because? I have learned not to do that again. Work is work and any relationships formed there are professional in nature from now on.

As to him, I just pretend he doesn't exist even as I can see him peeking in the distance, always there and always watching me. As long as he doesn't threaten my life nor my family’s, I can pretend he never happened. Will he ever stop? Will I ever not see him in my rearview mirror?

Go ahead and watch me, because I'm watching you, too. One misstep in the wrong direction and he'll be looking in his rearview mirror.