When I first began my Joy study , I was so excited ! Couldn't wait to get started . About halfway through the week , my joy was quickly evaporating as I struggled with my chemo rashes . By the end of the week , I was beginning to think this joy thing would never work . A bunch of baloney !
In reality , I let the devil in and failed miserably ! Just because I have failed doesn't mean that others have followed suit . I was sincerely reminded of that fact this past Friday on my way out the door after work .
Speaking to a dear friend of mine , I realized she is an advocate for this " Joy " thing . She breezes through life with a smile on her face no matter what comes her way . Looking at her , people may think her life is grand , that nothing but greatness befalls her . Isn't she lucky ? If they only knew how much heartache she endures .
In truth , it's all in her demeanor , in her ability to view life beyond the trials . She believes , there is nothing she can gain by being angry or depressed over the situation . She can only wait for the darkness to end and the sunshine to begin , because she believes it will happen .
Driving home that morning , I felt so much better knowing that this Joy thing really can exists . All the more reason to continue this study . Hopefully , one day I can be where this Joyful friend of mine has already arrived . Until then , Have a Blessed Day everyone .
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Lift Me Up
Praising God in song lifts our spirits , clears our heads and opens a place for the Holy Spirit to speak to us .
Thelma Wells
In the early stages , when I was a baby Christian , I really didn't understand how God can speak to us . I would hear people say things like " God told me to do this " or " I felt the Holy Spirit , " but I never quite understood it .
Since then , I have had many episodes where God spoke to me whether by something that I read or just by a feeling of knowing this is the right thing to do no matter how crazy it may sound . Sometimes through music itself .
Every night on my way to work , I listen to Christian music as a relaxer before work . I clear both my mind as well as my heart . By doing so , I find it definitely sets the mood for the rest of the work night .
Wouldn't it be great if we could listen to our music while we are working ? Just imagine how much more relaxed we would be . Music has a way of bringing out the feelings hidden inside , whether they are happy or remorseful . Music also takes our minds off our troubles . Music brings Joy into our life .
As I set out for work tonight , I try to remember all that I have read in my two days off . I know it will be difficult with my body hurting . At home , you can always rest and do things at a leisurely pace . I find myself regretting the decision to work while receiving treatment . Who knew , these side effects would hurt so much ? Emily asked me earlier , " If you could choose which side effect of the three times you've had cancer , which one would you pick ? "
How can you decide that ? Chemo is chemo anyway you look at it , but if I had to , I would take the second time . For now , I breathe in and breathe out and turn on the music .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .
Thelma Wells
In the early stages , when I was a baby Christian , I really didn't understand how God can speak to us . I would hear people say things like " God told me to do this " or " I felt the Holy Spirit , " but I never quite understood it .
Since then , I have had many episodes where God spoke to me whether by something that I read or just by a feeling of knowing this is the right thing to do no matter how crazy it may sound . Sometimes through music itself .
Every night on my way to work , I listen to Christian music as a relaxer before work . I clear both my mind as well as my heart . By doing so , I find it definitely sets the mood for the rest of the work night .
Wouldn't it be great if we could listen to our music while we are working ? Just imagine how much more relaxed we would be . Music has a way of bringing out the feelings hidden inside , whether they are happy or remorseful . Music also takes our minds off our troubles . Music brings Joy into our life .
As I set out for work tonight , I try to remember all that I have read in my two days off . I know it will be difficult with my body hurting . At home , you can always rest and do things at a leisurely pace . I find myself regretting the decision to work while receiving treatment . Who knew , these side effects would hurt so much ? Emily asked me earlier , " If you could choose which side effect of the three times you've had cancer , which one would you pick ? "
How can you decide that ? Chemo is chemo anyway you look at it , but if I had to , I would take the second time . For now , I breathe in and breathe out and turn on the music .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
The Others
Whenever we see people with a chronic illness , we usually focus only on them . We forget about those " other " people who spend their time taking care of their loved one . They are the family members and friends who are also going through the same illness but on an emotional level .
The subject came up when I read of a woman who became disabled and her husband ended up abusing her after many years of taking care of her . At first , I was so upset over this . How could anyone do that to someone they supposedly loved ?
First , I want to say how much I detest abuse of any kind . I am not excusing anyone's behavior , but we hear so many stories of caregivers being overwhelmed and becoming bitter towards their loved one . So I asked Emily and her answer left me speechless .
It's all about the patient . Everybody wants to know about you . How you are feeling ? Giving you hugs and praying for you . What about me ? No one wants to ask how I am dealing with all of this . Maybe I need a hug or a prayer . I have to watch you go through this . Maybe I have something to say , but no one wants to ask or offer any kind of support .
You know , she is right . I made an observation the other day in Sunday School . Everyone kept coming up to me , hugging me , praying over me and yet , only one person came to her . Does it look like the patient may need it more than the family member ? Maybe , we both need the same amount .
We forget about the family and what they may be going through . Who listens to them ? I know there are support groups , but what about us everyday people that they come in contact with ? Maybe we can pray for the whole family ? Or give that pat on the arm for reassurance ? Maybe ask them to go to a movie to get their minds off health issues .
I am not criticizing anyone , an illness is difficult on everyone . I know that Emily certainly has opened my eyes to her emotional state . I need to spend more time listening to her feelings and thoughts , not just voicing my own complaints . Many times , she has asked me to write about " people in her position ". So , Emily , this blog is for you .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .
The subject came up when I read of a woman who became disabled and her husband ended up abusing her after many years of taking care of her . At first , I was so upset over this . How could anyone do that to someone they supposedly loved ?
First , I want to say how much I detest abuse of any kind . I am not excusing anyone's behavior , but we hear so many stories of caregivers being overwhelmed and becoming bitter towards their loved one . So I asked Emily and her answer left me speechless .
It's all about the patient . Everybody wants to know about you . How you are feeling ? Giving you hugs and praying for you . What about me ? No one wants to ask how I am dealing with all of this . Maybe I need a hug or a prayer . I have to watch you go through this . Maybe I have something to say , but no one wants to ask or offer any kind of support .
You know , she is right . I made an observation the other day in Sunday School . Everyone kept coming up to me , hugging me , praying over me and yet , only one person came to her . Does it look like the patient may need it more than the family member ? Maybe , we both need the same amount .
We forget about the family and what they may be going through . Who listens to them ? I know there are support groups , but what about us everyday people that they come in contact with ? Maybe we can pray for the whole family ? Or give that pat on the arm for reassurance ? Maybe ask them to go to a movie to get their minds off health issues .
I am not criticizing anyone , an illness is difficult on everyone . I know that Emily certainly has opened my eyes to her emotional state . I need to spend more time listening to her feelings and thoughts , not just voicing my own complaints . Many times , she has asked me to write about " people in her position ". So , Emily , this blog is for you .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .
Sunday, February 24, 2013
White As A Snow
Looking out my bedroom window , all one could see is the freshly fallen snow covering everything in it's path . The clock reading 05:02 a.m. Not a soul around and the quiet so deafening , so very deafening I can hear my own thoughts resounding around my bedroom . Who knew , a few weeks before , that this snowstorm would come out of nowhere ? Certainly , not the groundhog that predicted early Spring .
Isn't it just like life ? Just when you think everything is honky dory , a storm arrives dead in the night while we sleep and messes up everything , filling everyone's day with delays .
Delays . . . .My next treatment fast approaching in a matter of one week . My 4th and probably the most important . This is where we check to make sure the chemo is working . Sooner or later , I will hear that it's not . What then ? It's not the dying that worries me , it's the enduring before the dying that scares me .
My , my , my . . .. . . my mind sure is wandering in all sorts of places today . Having spent another FMLA day at home , resting up my healing body , my mind is all over the place . It must be all the reading I have been doing .
Workbooks do that to me , which is why I love Bible studies with homework . It really gets your mind going . . . thinking . . . . processing .
These past two days , I have discovered I'm not really as nice as I thought . I've been stuck on page 43 of my " Continuous Joy " workbook all day . I keep staring at this one paragraph , because I know . .. . I KNOW . . . it describes me and it pains me to think I have behaved in this manner .
Emotions were never meant to be bottled up inside . When we try to contain them ,the pressure builds . Too often , suppressed anger builds until it boils over in rash deeds and scalding words . The sadness we attempt to hide will lead to a storm of tears .
Rash deeds and scalding words . Yes , I am guilty of these things . Have I not been happy when my nemesis at work was in despair ?Have I not reciporcated with sarcasm and words that held a biting sting ? Am I to blame for my joyless worklife ?
Yes ! I am no better than my nemesis . I'm not the victim as I believed myself to be . I am the enabler . I really need to change my behavior instead of expecting them to change theirs .
The white in the snow stained . .. . storm of tears . . . rash deeds and scalding words . . . I want to be as white as the fallen snow outside my window . Help me become that , Lord .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .
Isn't it just like life ? Just when you think everything is honky dory , a storm arrives dead in the night while we sleep and messes up everything , filling everyone's day with delays .
Delays . . . .My next treatment fast approaching in a matter of one week . My 4th and probably the most important . This is where we check to make sure the chemo is working . Sooner or later , I will hear that it's not . What then ? It's not the dying that worries me , it's the enduring before the dying that scares me .
My , my , my . . .. . . my mind sure is wandering in all sorts of places today . Having spent another FMLA day at home , resting up my healing body , my mind is all over the place . It must be all the reading I have been doing .
Workbooks do that to me , which is why I love Bible studies with homework . It really gets your mind going . . . thinking . . . . processing .
These past two days , I have discovered I'm not really as nice as I thought . I've been stuck on page 43 of my " Continuous Joy " workbook all day . I keep staring at this one paragraph , because I know . .. . I KNOW . . . it describes me and it pains me to think I have behaved in this manner .
Emotions were never meant to be bottled up inside . When we try to contain them ,the pressure builds . Too often , suppressed anger builds until it boils over in rash deeds and scalding words . The sadness we attempt to hide will lead to a storm of tears .
Rash deeds and scalding words . Yes , I am guilty of these things . Have I not been happy when my nemesis at work was in despair ?Have I not reciporcated with sarcasm and words that held a biting sting ? Am I to blame for my joyless worklife ?
Yes ! I am no better than my nemesis . I'm not the victim as I believed myself to be . I am the enabler . I really need to change my behavior instead of expecting them to change theirs .
The white in the snow stained . .. . storm of tears . . . rash deeds and scalding words . . . I want to be as white as the fallen snow outside my window . Help me become that , Lord .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .
The Laughing Hyenas
I asked a fellow co-worker :
" Are you happy with your life ? "
" It's okay ."
Okay ? What ? I don't want " okay " , I want joy and happiness ! Isn't that what we all want ? When we toast people , we wish them the very best of happiness , because we all are searching for that Joy in our lives .
To celebrate life , one must skip around with a giddly grin on one's face , always encountering every situation with a smile or an attitude of hilarity . But Joy is not just written on our faces, it must be living in our spirits .
It's easy to be happy when things are great , but what happens when it's the opposite ? We end up feeling that our life " sucks " and everyone else is living it up . Believe me , I know . I experienced it just the other day . It's okay to have a pity party , but you can't allow it to get control of your life . You have to get back up and dust yourself off . . . . .live !
Am I happy with my life ? Yes , I love my life . My work life is okay , but I know that that will change , too . Work is not the most important part of my life . I don't want to be recognized for my accomplishments there . I want to be remembered for what I do outside of my work .
I feel at times , like I'm like two separate people . The one at work and the one everywhere else . Emily and I call each other The Laughing Hyenas because when you pass by our door you will hear our laughter . Do we fight ? Absolutely , but because of the joy we feel in our life , our fights last minutes instead of hours .
I am also aware of whom I need to thank for my Joy . It is my right , as a child of the Almighty , to experience Joy in my life and for that reason it is a dishonor to Him when I allow the negativity in . Will I fall and feel sadness and sorrow and pity ? Yes , but I will do my very best to get back up and enjoy the joy .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .
" Are you happy with your life ? "
" It's okay ."
Okay ? What ? I don't want " okay " , I want joy and happiness ! Isn't that what we all want ? When we toast people , we wish them the very best of happiness , because we all are searching for that Joy in our lives .
To celebrate life , one must skip around with a giddly grin on one's face , always encountering every situation with a smile or an attitude of hilarity . But Joy is not just written on our faces, it must be living in our spirits .
It's easy to be happy when things are great , but what happens when it's the opposite ? We end up feeling that our life " sucks " and everyone else is living it up . Believe me , I know . I experienced it just the other day . It's okay to have a pity party , but you can't allow it to get control of your life . You have to get back up and dust yourself off . . . . .live !
Am I happy with my life ? Yes , I love my life . My work life is okay , but I know that that will change , too . Work is not the most important part of my life . I don't want to be recognized for my accomplishments there . I want to be remembered for what I do outside of my work .
I feel at times , like I'm like two separate people . The one at work and the one everywhere else . Emily and I call each other The Laughing Hyenas because when you pass by our door you will hear our laughter . Do we fight ? Absolutely , but because of the joy we feel in our life , our fights last minutes instead of hours .
I am also aware of whom I need to thank for my Joy . It is my right , as a child of the Almighty , to experience Joy in my life and for that reason it is a dishonor to Him when I allow the negativity in . Will I fall and feel sadness and sorrow and pity ? Yes , but I will do my very best to get back up and enjoy the joy .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Praise The Lord
There are days that all my heart desires is the praising of the Lord . Have you ever felt like that ? There are no requests from me to Him . None even come to mind , instead only words of gratitude come forth from my lips , because He is who He is .
I Am the I Am .
It took me a long time to understand that phrase . When you are hurting , whether it's emotional or physical pain , no amount of medication can take that pain away . There is only one " I AM " and only He can take that pain .
Trying to cope and deal with things on my own doesn't work . Today , it was time to lay it down at His feet and thank Him for who He is in my life . There is nothing that can bring you closer to God than a little quality worship where you bare your soul and surrender to the one who is the I Am .
Our joy pours out in songs , gladness , praise and worship . That's when everything else fades into the background , as we focus our rejoicing on the one who brings us joy .
As one song turned to another and another , I forgot about my pain and discomfort . My heart felt better and uplifted , because Jesus is the biggest Joy ever . If there is one wish I could bestow on everyone is for them to experience that one on one relationship with the I Am . Nothing will ever satisfy or fulfill your heart like Jesus .
So take a moment , put on some worship music and just praise Him . Have a Blessed Day everyone .
I Am the I Am .
It took me a long time to understand that phrase . When you are hurting , whether it's emotional or physical pain , no amount of medication can take that pain away . There is only one " I AM " and only He can take that pain .
Trying to cope and deal with things on my own doesn't work . Today , it was time to lay it down at His feet and thank Him for who He is in my life . There is nothing that can bring you closer to God than a little quality worship where you bare your soul and surrender to the one who is the I Am .
Our joy pours out in songs , gladness , praise and worship . That's when everything else fades into the background , as we focus our rejoicing on the one who brings us joy .
As one song turned to another and another , I forgot about my pain and discomfort . My heart felt better and uplifted , because Jesus is the biggest Joy ever . If there is one wish I could bestow on everyone is for them to experience that one on one relationship with the I Am . Nothing will ever satisfy or fulfill your heart like Jesus .
So take a moment , put on some worship music and just praise Him . Have a Blessed Day everyone .
Friday, February 22, 2013
Tea And Oatmeal
That the mirth of the wicked is brief , the joy of the godless lasts but a moment .
Job 20:5
After my visit at my mom's , I came home to drop into bed and sleep . Fed and pampered . . . . I rested and regrouped , waking with a renewed zest to face my problems . Did I have a solution or a plan ? Absolutely not .
Somewhere between preparing the tea and oatmeal for breakfast , one find's the strength to get up off the floor and just live .We slowly breathe in and breathe out , knowing all our hope is in the Lord . I can't imagine living without that hope . I feel an unbelievable compassion for people fighting depression and a loss of that hope .
Our inner core , our soul needs Jesus and what He stands for and nothing else can fill us . . . .complete us . . . the way He can . Without Him , our bodies are nothing but a vast emptiness . I feel such compassion for people who are searching their whole life to fill that void and keep missing the mark . It's so simple , yet so elusive for most , all for the sake of control .
The world didn't give me Joy , and the world can't take it away .
I definitely don't have any great words of wisdom to offer anyone , but I do know and believe in God's promise to me , His child .
We rejoice because we have God's love and the hope of eternal life with Him .
So every morning as I drink my tea and eat my oatmeal , I breathe in and breathe out , clinging to His promise . I just wish the rest of the world would too .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .
Job 20:5
After my visit at my mom's , I came home to drop into bed and sleep . Fed and pampered . . . . I rested and regrouped , waking with a renewed zest to face my problems . Did I have a solution or a plan ? Absolutely not .
Somewhere between preparing the tea and oatmeal for breakfast , one find's the strength to get up off the floor and just live .We slowly breathe in and breathe out , knowing all our hope is in the Lord . I can't imagine living without that hope . I feel an unbelievable compassion for people fighting depression and a loss of that hope .
Our inner core , our soul needs Jesus and what He stands for and nothing else can fill us . . . .complete us . . . the way He can . Without Him , our bodies are nothing but a vast emptiness . I feel such compassion for people who are searching their whole life to fill that void and keep missing the mark . It's so simple , yet so elusive for most , all for the sake of control .
The world didn't give me Joy , and the world can't take it away .
I definitely don't have any great words of wisdom to offer anyone , but I do know and believe in God's promise to me , His child .
We rejoice because we have God's love and the hope of eternal life with Him .
So every morning as I drink my tea and eat my oatmeal , I breathe in and breathe out , clinging to His promise . I just wish the rest of the world would too .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .
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