As Emily prepared supper in the kitchen , she remarked how incredibly fast this week went by . Here , it was Friday already . Yes , it did go by quickly .
Sitting in my room , I can faintly hear her movements and I'm grateful for her presence . In my moments of immobility , she just takes over . I'm not sure how she knows whether by my appearance , feel or actions , but somehow she knows . She knows when I just can't .
I'm tired , I'm tired , I'm tired . . . .
My body feels different this time . I feel tired , achy , and at times , nauseous . Usually , I felt like this after the chemo not before . Maybe , it's all in my head , fully knowing what is coming . I know I sound like a broken record .
I'm tired , I'm tired , I'm tired . . . . .
I think back to the other chemo times . I remember how she took care of me then . Usually , after coming home from treatment , I would plop down into bed . She would quietly close the door after me , taking my cell phone with her . Supper , cooked and ready on the stove , waited for when I was able to stomache food .
I'm tired , I'm tired , I'm tired . . . . .
How many times has she heard me say that ? How many more times will I say that ? Too many . Thank goodness I have her in my life . What about people who are alone ? Who have no one to offer them comfort ? I feel for these people . No one should be alone during a time like this . We all need comfort and soothing when we are tired . Someone to make supper for us . . . .to let us know they care . Let's not forget about those people . Let's offer them kindness and comfort in their need .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
The Untitled Blog
Our linen closet is overbrimming with stuff . It's cluttered and just looks a mess . Everytime I open the door , I grimace , waiting for the mess to come crashing to the floor .
We really need to clean it up .
But not today . Today , I'm too tired or I don't have enough time . All these excuses pop into my head . The problem is that I just don't feel ready to undertake this project . It's just too overwhelming . Instead , I just keep piling other stuff on top of it . That's a conversation I hold with myself everyday .
In the kitchen , our stove needs a good scrubbing from the last couple of days . I can feel my shoulders droop everytime I look at it .
We really need to clean it up .
So , why don't I just roll up my sleeves and get to it ? Because I just don't feel like it . I don't want to do anything this week . Keep making excuses on why I'm too busy . The reality is that I can't deal with anything right now . My chemo is coming up in a week and that has always been pretty dim . I need this quiet time to myself .
Sometimes , I wonder how young people deal with an illness . I have no small children or husband to take care of . I can always retreat into my unreal world . I can escape , but they can't . Their families have needs , they have responsibilities . How or when do they escape ? Maybe , they never do and for that I feel for them .
There are days that I don't want to think about my health , or FMLA , or what to make for dinner . I can't even come up with a title for today's blog . Today , I just want to " be ".
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
We really need to clean it up .
But not today . Today , I'm too tired or I don't have enough time . All these excuses pop into my head . The problem is that I just don't feel ready to undertake this project . It's just too overwhelming . Instead , I just keep piling other stuff on top of it . That's a conversation I hold with myself everyday .
In the kitchen , our stove needs a good scrubbing from the last couple of days . I can feel my shoulders droop everytime I look at it .
We really need to clean it up .
So , why don't I just roll up my sleeves and get to it ? Because I just don't feel like it . I don't want to do anything this week . Keep making excuses on why I'm too busy . The reality is that I can't deal with anything right now . My chemo is coming up in a week and that has always been pretty dim . I need this quiet time to myself .
Sometimes , I wonder how young people deal with an illness . I have no small children or husband to take care of . I can always retreat into my unreal world . I can escape , but they can't . Their families have needs , they have responsibilities . How or when do they escape ? Maybe , they never do and for that I feel for them .
There are days that I don't want to think about my health , or FMLA , or what to make for dinner . I can't even come up with a title for today's blog . Today , I just want to " be ".
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tips , Tips And More Tips
It seems that we all know of someone who has cancer or other forms of illness these days . We are faced with sticky situations as to what to say or what to do when confronted with an ill friend or family member . Here are a few tips that I found work great .
1. Next time you need to visit someone at home or in the hospital , try bringing muffins or coffee instead of the usual flowers or candy . Of course , not everyone can have that per doctor instructions , but it works great for the family who are by the bedside . The last thing they're thinking about is food . Sometimes , they just don't want to leave the patient alone even for a second . Or maybe , you can prepare a casserole for someone who had chemo and doesn't feel well . When you're sick , the last thing you feel like doing is cooking . Believe me , it will be greatly appreciated .
2. We never know what to say to someone who lost a dear one or is faced with a disease that has no cure . The best thing . . . don't say anything . Talk about mundane things as a starter . I have found that I don't always want to talk about my cancer . Let's talk about something else . I'll bring it up at my pace and choice . No uncomfortable silences and chats .
3. Back to food again . My mom will make a huge pot of soup which she ladles out into small containers . I keep them in the freezer and when needed just pop them into the microwave . Same thing with cancer foods like beets and cabbage . Any salad she makes is always in a small container . When you're sick , you can't really eat a regular size meal .
4. Water is your best friend . I know , I know . People hate to drink bland , ordinary water . Water works great on any illness . If you have nausea , constipation , heartburn , bloatedness . . . . I could go on and on . Here's a tip to make water taste a whole lot better : I use a 96 oz. juice bottle that I washed out . I fill it halfway with water and place it in the freezer . When frozen , I fill the other half with fresh water . Ice cold tastes the best . You could also flavor it with lemon or orange wedges or any kind of fruit . Try it , you'll feel better .
5. This is my favorite thing that I do everyday . When you 're sick , you don't feel up to par when you get up . You feel groggy , tired and just plain blah . I take a washcloth and run very hot water to soak the washcloth completely . Squeeze it out ( careful , it's hot ) and place on your entire face for a few minutes . How refreshing ! You feel so much better instantly . I love it .
Well , that's just a few tips . Hope you have a Blessed and healthy week .
1. Next time you need to visit someone at home or in the hospital , try bringing muffins or coffee instead of the usual flowers or candy . Of course , not everyone can have that per doctor instructions , but it works great for the family who are by the bedside . The last thing they're thinking about is food . Sometimes , they just don't want to leave the patient alone even for a second . Or maybe , you can prepare a casserole for someone who had chemo and doesn't feel well . When you're sick , the last thing you feel like doing is cooking . Believe me , it will be greatly appreciated .
2. We never know what to say to someone who lost a dear one or is faced with a disease that has no cure . The best thing . . . don't say anything . Talk about mundane things as a starter . I have found that I don't always want to talk about my cancer . Let's talk about something else . I'll bring it up at my pace and choice . No uncomfortable silences and chats .
3. Back to food again . My mom will make a huge pot of soup which she ladles out into small containers . I keep them in the freezer and when needed just pop them into the microwave . Same thing with cancer foods like beets and cabbage . Any salad she makes is always in a small container . When you're sick , you can't really eat a regular size meal .
4. Water is your best friend . I know , I know . People hate to drink bland , ordinary water . Water works great on any illness . If you have nausea , constipation , heartburn , bloatedness . . . . I could go on and on . Here's a tip to make water taste a whole lot better : I use a 96 oz. juice bottle that I washed out . I fill it halfway with water and place it in the freezer . When frozen , I fill the other half with fresh water . Ice cold tastes the best . You could also flavor it with lemon or orange wedges or any kind of fruit . Try it , you'll feel better .
5. This is my favorite thing that I do everyday . When you 're sick , you don't feel up to par when you get up . You feel groggy , tired and just plain blah . I take a washcloth and run very hot water to soak the washcloth completely . Squeeze it out ( careful , it's hot ) and place on your entire face for a few minutes . How refreshing ! You feel so much better instantly . I love it .
Well , that's just a few tips . Hope you have a Blessed and healthy week .
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
I Believe In Hope
Scenario:
You're having a conversation and the other person has a slip of the tongue . They're not even aware of what they just said , but you do . You realize a confidence has been broken . There is only one person who could have told them . You're heartbroken and angry . You trusted someone and they betrayed you .
Yesterday , that happened to me . You know , I write this blog knowing full well that people read it . I would never write something that I didn't want repeated elsewhere . The people that read my blog have shown me a courtesey that I've come to admire . Many of them are my co-workers and yet , what I write here never gets repeated as gossip at work the next day . No one makes unprofessional comments or hurtful remarks . In fact , for some of them , it's months before I'm aware of who they are .
They show me a professional courtesey and I admire them for it . I don't want to get into what happened . When it comes to work , I don't have to tell anyone about my cancer or anything about it . The fact that I did tell someone wasn't for personal reasons but professional . I wanted to prepare them for my being off on FMLA during my treatment . Basically , they abused that right .
All day long , I can't wrap my head around this need that some people have in hurting others . Why do people do the things they do ? Why do we have this insane need to disobey ? To hurt ? To lie and cheat ? To break a confidence ? To justify our bad behavior ? What's the big deal ? You write a blog !
Emily says I should have known better because just look at these two ? ! When have their actions ever been appropriate ? Why do you expect them to behave better ?
Because I have hope . I am so full of hope for these two , my family , for the world , for everyone . Because I believe that there are good people out there who are trying their very best to lead a righteous life . I believe that people can change . When a person extends their hand to me in friendship , I have to take it , no matter what their true intentions may be . . . . . because I am full of hope . . . . .because I believe .
Now I hold alot of power in my hands right now . I could turn this power into revenge filled with anger and report them to my H.R. manager . I could , but what would that really solve ? Would they be sorry ? No , they would justify their actions . The best thing for me to do is leave them in the hands of God . God's wrath is far worse than anything I ever do to them .
Thank you for listening and reading . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
You're having a conversation and the other person has a slip of the tongue . They're not even aware of what they just said , but you do . You realize a confidence has been broken . There is only one person who could have told them . You're heartbroken and angry . You trusted someone and they betrayed you .
Yesterday , that happened to me . You know , I write this blog knowing full well that people read it . I would never write something that I didn't want repeated elsewhere . The people that read my blog have shown me a courtesey that I've come to admire . Many of them are my co-workers and yet , what I write here never gets repeated as gossip at work the next day . No one makes unprofessional comments or hurtful remarks . In fact , for some of them , it's months before I'm aware of who they are .
They show me a professional courtesey and I admire them for it . I don't want to get into what happened . When it comes to work , I don't have to tell anyone about my cancer or anything about it . The fact that I did tell someone wasn't for personal reasons but professional . I wanted to prepare them for my being off on FMLA during my treatment . Basically , they abused that right .
All day long , I can't wrap my head around this need that some people have in hurting others . Why do people do the things they do ? Why do we have this insane need to disobey ? To hurt ? To lie and cheat ? To break a confidence ? To justify our bad behavior ? What's the big deal ? You write a blog !
Emily says I should have known better because just look at these two ? ! When have their actions ever been appropriate ? Why do you expect them to behave better ?
Because I have hope . I am so full of hope for these two , my family , for the world , for everyone . Because I believe that there are good people out there who are trying their very best to lead a righteous life . I believe that people can change . When a person extends their hand to me in friendship , I have to take it , no matter what their true intentions may be . . . . . because I am full of hope . . . . .because I believe .
Now I hold alot of power in my hands right now . I could turn this power into revenge filled with anger and report them to my H.R. manager . I could , but what would that really solve ? Would they be sorry ? No , they would justify their actions . The best thing for me to do is leave them in the hands of God . God's wrath is far worse than anything I ever do to them .
Thank you for listening and reading . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Monday, November 26, 2012
Blog Updates
Remember the family that disappeared in my apartment building ? The one that left a totally messy place with worms and flies all over the building ? Awhile ago , they came back , looked around and went down into the storage area but never took any of their belongings . They just left . Why come here in the first place ? The apartment was completely remodeled and yet it stands unoccupied to this day . Everything about it is strange . Their storage unit is still filled with their belongings .
Now , about the Louds Family . After receiving their Blessings in a Box , they apparently showed up at our Church's Potluck Thanksgiving Dinner . Emily and I weren't there because of a baby shower . How exciting especially since I prayed for this family . I can't wait to see what else God has in store for this family .
I ran up to Linda during Church service this past Sunday . I wanted to give her some Avon and also ask how her petscan went earlier in the week . We really had no time to chat but she did tell me it went okay . I'm so glad because , you see , she was actually smiling . I haven't seen that in awhile .
You have read many of my blogs regarding my weight , blah blah blah . Well , I've started exercising on my elliptical machine . I know , I know , I have sworn many times I would not exercise anymore . I thought that maybe it will help me both physically and mentally . I have said how afraid I am of not being able to handle both work and chemo at the same time , so . . .. . . . .maybe , this will help . I'm willing to try .
So , everyone , I have to go . This is my last full week before the chemo ( Dec. 7th.) and I'm really busy and of course , behind . See you tomorrow and have a Blessed Week !
Now , about the Louds Family . After receiving their Blessings in a Box , they apparently showed up at our Church's Potluck Thanksgiving Dinner . Emily and I weren't there because of a baby shower . How exciting especially since I prayed for this family . I can't wait to see what else God has in store for this family .
I ran up to Linda during Church service this past Sunday . I wanted to give her some Avon and also ask how her petscan went earlier in the week . We really had no time to chat but she did tell me it went okay . I'm so glad because , you see , she was actually smiling . I haven't seen that in awhile .
You have read many of my blogs regarding my weight , blah blah blah . Well , I've started exercising on my elliptical machine . I know , I know , I have sworn many times I would not exercise anymore . I thought that maybe it will help me both physically and mentally . I have said how afraid I am of not being able to handle both work and chemo at the same time , so . . .. . . . .maybe , this will help . I'm willing to try .
So , everyone , I have to go . This is my last full week before the chemo ( Dec. 7th.) and I'm really busy and of course , behind . See you tomorrow and have a Blessed Week !
Sunday, November 25, 2012
This Is The Story
This is the story of a couple of blankets that I made last year , actually it might be longer than that . I started a project where I would make blankets for the nursing home . I gave myself a deadline of Christmas which at that time wasn't more than 6 months away or so . Not much time , I know .
The game plan was for my neice Kathy to take her daughter and their tiny doggie (Jackie ) to entertain the seniors and to pass out the blankets . After leaving several messages , we found that no one was calling us back . Christmas came and went and still no call back . It seemed no one was interested in what we were offering .
I was extremely disappointed . Maybe , my blankets were just too plain and simple for the city . In a situation like this , you're self esteem plummets downward .
A few months pass and my Joe ends up speaking at Farmer City Nursing Home . A lightbulb appears above my head and the next time I see him , I hand over my stack of blankets for him to deliver to this nursing home .
Now , what I'm about to tell you next will place my son in an unfavorable light . Just remember that he is a MAN . I believe it might have been at my chemo party that I asked him if he delivered them .
Oh yes , the children made cards and presented them to the seniors along with the blankets .
Last July , we all went on vacation together . As we pulled into their garage , my eyes were drawn to a box that was filled with my blankets . At that moment , I remember faintly hearing excuses being made as I got out of the car and proceeded to stuff as many of the blankets I could into my suitcase . That totaled about two .
I believe now , that the blankets are meant for a different purpose in a different place . I do have an idea , but I will keep that to myself for now . And yes , I have forgiven my son , after all he is just a man . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
The game plan was for my neice Kathy to take her daughter and their tiny doggie (Jackie ) to entertain the seniors and to pass out the blankets . After leaving several messages , we found that no one was calling us back . Christmas came and went and still no call back . It seemed no one was interested in what we were offering .
I was extremely disappointed . Maybe , my blankets were just too plain and simple for the city . In a situation like this , you're self esteem plummets downward .
A few months pass and my Joe ends up speaking at Farmer City Nursing Home . A lightbulb appears above my head and the next time I see him , I hand over my stack of blankets for him to deliver to this nursing home .
Now , what I'm about to tell you next will place my son in an unfavorable light . Just remember that he is a MAN . I believe it might have been at my chemo party that I asked him if he delivered them .
Oh yes , the children made cards and presented them to the seniors along with the blankets .
Last July , we all went on vacation together . As we pulled into their garage , my eyes were drawn to a box that was filled with my blankets . At that moment , I remember faintly hearing excuses being made as I got out of the car and proceeded to stuff as many of the blankets I could into my suitcase . That totaled about two .
I believe now , that the blankets are meant for a different purpose in a different place . I do have an idea , but I will keep that to myself for now . And yes , I have forgiven my son , after all he is just a man . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Saturday, November 24, 2012
A Soul Cleansing
I awakened with a start , glancing at the clock , I realized just how long I have slept . Yesterday , I had no time to lay down when I came home from work . Another family event and I didn't get to lay down until evening . I got up thinking I would write my blog and go back to sleep . . . it was only 3:30 a.m. Sunday morning .
That one blog story turned into four and the next thing I knew it was time for Church . That set the tone for the rest of the week . I have no idea where this bundle of energy came from , but I certainly took advantage of it .
With my chemo just around the corner , I need to sterilize my apartment . Yes , sterilize . Get down on my hands and knees to really get into those corners and hard to reach spots . This place has to be as germ free as possible . This extra burst of energy really helped in that department .
As I scrubbed the kitchen floor on my knees , a deep sense of satisfaction filled my soul . It's always like that when every corner is spotless . It resembles our life and sometimes we need to thoroughly clean it up to feel whole again . In a way , having chemo come back over and over again is like a soul cleansing . A time to reach deep down into our being and see what comes up .
Remember those clorox wipes from the last time ? Every morning , I would get up and wipe down the entire place . I was home then . This time , I'll be working and time will be limited . I'm not entirely sure if I can handle it : work , chemo and the daily grind of it . I must be crazy .
Having three days off from work this week surely helps . Sometimes , I look at my life and wonder how I never have enough time . My children are grown but my life is so full of extracurricular activities that my calendar is always full .
I went out and bought alot of those wipes . Funny thing is , I find myself getting out the rag and soapy water more this time . Maybe this time , I want more of a heavy duty cleanup job instead of just skimming the surface .. . .not a quick fix . Have you had a soul cleasning lately ? Maybe , it's time .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
That one blog story turned into four and the next thing I knew it was time for Church . That set the tone for the rest of the week . I have no idea where this bundle of energy came from , but I certainly took advantage of it .
With my chemo just around the corner , I need to sterilize my apartment . Yes , sterilize . Get down on my hands and knees to really get into those corners and hard to reach spots . This place has to be as germ free as possible . This extra burst of energy really helped in that department .
As I scrubbed the kitchen floor on my knees , a deep sense of satisfaction filled my soul . It's always like that when every corner is spotless . It resembles our life and sometimes we need to thoroughly clean it up to feel whole again . In a way , having chemo come back over and over again is like a soul cleansing . A time to reach deep down into our being and see what comes up .
Remember those clorox wipes from the last time ? Every morning , I would get up and wipe down the entire place . I was home then . This time , I'll be working and time will be limited . I'm not entirely sure if I can handle it : work , chemo and the daily grind of it . I must be crazy .
Having three days off from work this week surely helps . Sometimes , I look at my life and wonder how I never have enough time . My children are grown but my life is so full of extracurricular activities that my calendar is always full .
I went out and bought alot of those wipes . Funny thing is , I find myself getting out the rag and soapy water more this time . Maybe this time , I want more of a heavy duty cleanup job instead of just skimming the surface .. . .not a quick fix . Have you had a soul cleasning lately ? Maybe , it's time .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
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