The Journey Begns

                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

 “If you can see your path laid 

out in front of you step by step,

 you know it's not your path. 

Your own path you make with

 every step you take.

 That's why it's your path.” 

― Joseph Campbell

Change happens whether we like it or not. I try to run with it instead of fighting it. This is my life and I am going to make the best of it. I, myself, can almost feel the change coming. A changing of the tide that writers like to talk about in their novels, but it's true. We can see it coming, we just don't want to accept it.

My daughter, Emily, really doesn't like surprises nor changes. I learned that quickly enough when she was a little girl and I gave her a surprise Birthday party. Let's just say she wasn't exactly happy. Or when I wanted to buy her a new bedroom set. She liked things just the way they were, because it felt safe and comfortable.

That's exactly how we feel about major changes in our life, especially when things have been going great. We live in a world that is constantly changing and our homes become our sanctuaries away from that chaos. Sometimes that chaos, that change happens at our own hands. I am not sure which is worse, the world's or our own self inflicted one.

So here we are facing another new change, one that we never planned nor wanted. We have no idea how this will turn out, but we are trusting God to steer us in the right path that we are meant to be on. That's all one can do. As a  Christian, we are taught that moments like these are not always made clear right at the start. Sometimes, we have to go through some things in life before the real purpose of this sudden change is made evident. 

I cannot tell you how many times I have reflected back on my struggles and realized the lesson learned from it. All Glory goes back to God and only Him. There is good in all things that come to pass, especially the bad moments. We just have to trust in Him to lead the way. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Know Thyself

 

                                 Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

I walked a mile with pleasure

she chatted all the way

but left me none the wiser

for all she had to say.

I walked a mile with sorrow

and not a word said she

but all the things 

I learned from her 

when sorrow walked with me.

Anon

I wish I knew who wrote that little poem, because it is so very true. We certainly learn plenty when we are in a trial. Not just about survival, but also about ourselves. Sometimes, these things are not very pleasant and it can be difficult to acknowledge them. 

This is the stage where I am at now. The way we perceive ourselves seems to be a bit false. I always thought I was a great listener, but yet, I interrupt everyone. I think I have been lying to myself on that one.  I'm also a horrible whisperer. Too many embarrassing moments to mention. Another thing I have learned is that one can never be too sure of something or someone. Everyone can fall or crumble, because we all are human, not superhuman. 

Refining myself has been a major project that will most likely never end. There is always something we need to change, absorb, learn or improve on. Plus, it can hurt horribly and intentionally as each layer is peeled away. One Pastor said whenever we ask God to help us with something like patience, also ask for mercy, because He will teach you patience. You will go through the fire, but you will also come out of that fire better, stronger.

What is that something that you need to work on at this time? Maybe it has been brewing inside of you for years, but you kept pushing it down. Blaming others? It might be too painful, too shameful to re-open. We are really good at lying to ourselves or even making excuses for things we don't like to do or face. 

There are so many things we need to learn about this world, it's people and our role in it. When we left school, we thought all the studying and learning was over, but we were wrong. It was just the beginning. Show me, Lord, who I am. Show me.

Have a blessed day everyone.

The Enemy Within

 

                        Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

What heart can comprehend Thy name,

Or, searching, find Thee out?
Who art within, a quickening flame,
A presence round about.

Yet though I know Thee but in part,
I ask not, Lord, for more:
Enough for me to know Thou art,
To love Thee and adore.
F. L. HOSMER.

I have battled self doubt, negativity, lack of self worth, shame and fear all of my life. In fact, these are the same things that have held me back in life. I have done a lot with my life, but I could have been so much more if I did not cave into that enemy within. 

We all struggle with these same demons. None of us are exempt from their addictive nature. Trust me when I say they believe in equal opportunity for all. 

We can spend months and years working on ourselves only for that enemy to re-appear in a snap of your fingers erasing all you have accomplished. Just like that. Suddenly, you doubt yourself and others. Suddenly, you feel like a nobody with no one. Suddenly, you believe it will never work out. 

These enemies from within lurk in the shadows just waiting for you to slip up. Just one little fall and they are there reminding you who you were at one time.  Usually, from a time where you were not at your best. The shameful the past memory the more it will be used by the enemy. 

I am grateful for having God in my life. Where would I be without Him? Back in that worthless pit of despair bathing myself with all of the above. He covered me with His love, His grace, His forgiveness and whispered in my ear just how beautiful I am to Him. I am His and He is mine and nothing will ever pluck me from His hand! Nothing!

We have a tendency to live in our pasts, carrying around our shame as a permanent hump on our back. Some of us don't ever want to let go of that past. We cling to it as a life line too scared to let go and trust. Just trust. Have faith. Believe. These are words, but oh so life changing!

Have a blessed day everyone.

Give Yourself Permission

 

                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Without an end or bound

    Thy life lies all outspread in light;
      Our lives feel Thy life all around,
    Making our weakness strong,

 our darkness bright;
  Yet is it neither wilderness nor sea,
  But the calm gladness of a full eternity.
F. W. FABER.

Do you know the worst thing people do after cancer? They try to forget about it. They don't want to think about it or talk about it. They are afraid to even mention that word cancer. It's over so let's forget it ever happened. 

They forget the most important part of healing. They need to process what just happened to them. Giving yourself permission to feel can hurt. It's raw, painful and we just don't want to go there, but it's so necessary for our mental health.

My process happened pretty late with my 4th. bout with cancer. I literally experienced a mental breakdown as I looked on at all of my scars in a full length mirror. Everything was exposed and one could have played connect the dots. My scars are not pretty lines, but jagged and wide. My body went through a lot and it showed. 

Somehow, I led myself to believe that I was done with my healing process. Somehow, I thought I did all that with the other bouts with cancer. Yes, somehow, but it all was a lie.

We pick ourselves up and we continue on with a positive outlook. We may have crying spells that we cannot explain, but as long as we are positive we will survive. We consider ourselves lucky to be alive. That's the lies we tell ourselves. 

Well, I'm here to tell you to give yourself permission to throw a fit. Yell, scream, throw things. Let it all out. We need to process our hurts. We need to acknowledge the pain it has caused and only then can we move on. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not going to make unless you are POSITIVE. I used to hate that word especially whenever people would point out that I shouldn't cry. Well, go ahead and cry. Then pick yourself up and live life.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Life

 

                                 Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. 

Bringing something of heaven down to me.

 Love is kind and patient and forgiving

 even when people don't deserve it,

Anon.

Almost overnight the weather changed from nice Autumn breezes to blistering cold winds. One could hear the howling of the arrival of that shift. It echoed through the night, pushing it's way violently and unapologetically through the alleys on our streets. It definitely came early this year without any regard if we were ready for it or not. Just like life.

I literally shivered as I listened to that howling wind. One could feel that achingly, cold that is waiting for us once we leave the warm sanctuary of our home. A shiver that reverberates throughout our body. Ugh! Brr! Winter is only bearable from the inside out and not being right smack in the middle of it outside. 

We can watch the snowflakes fall, the icicles form on the branches and declare the beauty. We can do all that from the inside. From the inside, everything looks good, even the leper shivering in the cold. We can say how sorry we are and pray for him to find warmth, but we will not open that door to let him in. That leper can contaminate our beauty. Our sanctuary. But that's life.

Life can be pretty cold and disheartening at times. It can chill and harden our hearts to the beauty that lies outside our comfort zone. We can distance ourselves justifying our lack of empathy to just about anything under the Sun. There is always a reason, an excuse why we can't allow people into the inside sanctuary of our home. Our hearts. Our life.

I shiver again, feeling the drafty crevices around me. Yes, Winter is definitely sneaking in whether we like it or not. So barren, so lifeless. So unrelentingly cold and uninviting. But again, that's so like life.

Have a blessed day everyone.