Hair Today , Gone Tomorrow

   I do not like talking on the phone . Especially , if it involves speaking to sales people or handling a problem  like insurance ......can't stand it . The minute I find out I have to call someone to fix a problem , I immediately look for someone to handle it for me. Otherwise folks , I'm walking away from it . Who needs cable ? I've been like this all of my life . Feel the same way with confrontations . If I don't feel like dealing with certain things , I put them aside . Digging deep is hard .
  When my son moved out to Missouri , I called him one time to order pizza for me and I live in Chicago ! Thats how bad I have it.
   Since my last blog , I spoke with my son and he did an interview with me for his radio program . I kept thinking about those questions he asked me all night . Couldn't sleep . Kept going over the entire interview in my head . Something very important came out during that interview . I had no idea I felt like that .
  In a way , I feel like I'm fighting GOD . HE is bringing forth things out of me and I keep resisting . Like a two yr old stamping her foot saying : " no, I don't want to and  you can't make me ." Well , HE kept me up all night so I guess HE won .
  That morning folks I made a decision . I know now ,  why I haven't shaved my head yet . I've been waiting for someone to do it for me . Last time was different because I was in terrible shape healthwise and I needed people to take care of me . I didn't have to handle anything .There was someone to handle all my paperwork and folks it was a mess . There was a  nurse coming to the house twice a week and whatever I needed all I had to do is pick up the phone and someone would take care of it for me .
  Not this time . I've been handling all the paperwork . Felt very proud of myself . There's just one thing......my hair .There is something so very personal and difficult about shaving your head . I can't describe it . I know of someone whose mom had breast cancer and the entire family had to have a meeting on how best to deal with shaving her head .
  I thought about going to a salon but I knew I would break down  and cry . I didn't want to do that in front of someone I didn't know . I didn't want to be vulnerable in front of a stranger .
  I asked my brother for electric shears and I shaved my own head . Strange thing happened.....I didn't cry . As I looked in the mirror , of course , I didn't like the face I saw . I didn't recognize it . It didn't look like me . But ...I have a very nicely shaped round head ....although the turkey gobbler has to go .
   I took control and not let it control me . Maybe thats why I didn't cry .