White Noise

                                                            Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                            everyday is a journey.


I ask not wealth, 
but power to take
And use the things I have, 
aright; Not years, 
but wisdom that shall make
My life a profit and delight.

--Phcebe Gary.

There is so much white noise around us on a daily basis, it's too difficult to hear that small still voice inside of us. Sometimes, I feel we choose what white noise we do listen to. Others, we cannot escape, but we do have to endure.

How would you define white noise? When I googled white noise, here is what it said: noise containing many frequencies with equal intensities.

Wow, that's everything. It's also very scary, because not all of us are strong enough to resist the negative and harmful things we need to be avoiding. Unfortunately, we are effected by the things around us. The more stress we have in our life whether it is in the form of a trial or just the everyday, the more we are affected by the white noise. 

It's true, you know. For instance, think of when you have a headache. You can pop all the headache pills you want, but if you're not in a quiet surroundings, it won't go away. Go home, take a pill and lay down in a peaceful setting, it will disappear. 

It is the same when we are facing struggles in our life. The hardest thing to do is to be still. Everything is being thrown at us and concentration is almost none. We cannot think properly, let alone make wise and sound decisions. How do we stay sane within the chaos around us filled with the noise?

For some of us, it is the hardest thing ever. You know what I do? I will endure it for as long as I can, until the weekend comes around and then I lock myself away. I won't answer the phone or turn on social media of any kind. I'll hide away from the world and surround myself with calming things. I'll refresh myself and my mind. You'd be surprised just how much one can get out of being quiet. 

How do you detox from all the white noise around you? Would love to hear from all of you.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Mind Your Own Business

                                                               Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                everyday is a journey.
                                     


Judge not the workings of his brain

And of his heart thou canst not see;

What looks to thy dim eyes a stain

In God's pure light may only be

A scar, brought from some well-won field,

Where thou would'st only faint and yield.

And judge none lost; but wait and see,

With hopeful pity, not disdain;

The depth of the abyss may be

The measure of the height of pain

And love and glory that may raise

The soul to God in after days!

-- Adelaide A. Procter.

When we lived in Elmwood Park, I had these beautiful picture windows in almost every room. The living room alone had an entire wall of windows. There was a gorgeous view out of my bedroom onto the street below. My desk was placed right under it and I wrote many picturesque inspired posts in that spot.

Moving here, that beautiful scenic window just didn't exist. For some reason, all the windows are a little bit higher so one never sees completely outside sitting down in any of the rooms. I miss that view. Right now, my desk sits in front a wall. All inspirations come from within.

During this past year, I have lamented to Emily on numerous occasions of how much I miss having a nice view. Her reply? Maybe God wants you to mind your own business for once. 

Well, she is kind of right. I do get involved in other people's lives. More than I should. Maybe she is right and this is God's way of me minding my own business! 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The Sawdust Diet Pt. 2

                                                                  Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                  everyday is a journey.



Trust takes time.
We need to practice putting our trust in the Lord,
but when we do,
we find a new confidence that
He will be faithful to us.
The more we trust,
the more we are convinced that our trust is well placed.
The key to trust is to try.
Try putting your faith in the Lord,
and watch wonderful things happen.

Wisdom of the Psams

Well, not too long ago, I became sick after eating some trail mix. Really sick and it lasted a few days before my tummy felt better. Since than, I've decided to stay away from the foods I cannot stomach any longer. One would think I would have done that already, but if I took them in with other things and in small quantities, I'd be fine.  

Well, after this last bout, I want no part of any of it. You know, sometimes we really have to get sick to stop doing harmful things to our bodies. Since the radiation, my tummy cannot take certain types of food. 

Of course, this saddens me, because I have a love affair with food. I love food. All types of food. There are people out there who are extremely picky eaters disliking many things. Not I. I have never been afraid to try new types of food, especially from different Countries. 

The fact that I have to give up a lot of my favorites, especially now when I'm older and I thought I could eat whatever I wanted. We spend so much of our youth dieting and trying to keep our slim figures. In my opinion, I should finally be able to eat what I wanted without any repercussions. Well, when we become  a certain age, we cannot do that for health reasons. Our bodies cannot take it. Alas, as we age, so do our bodies. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Much Ado About Nothing PT.2

                                                                           Everyday is a brand new day, 
                                                                           everyday is a journey.
    


I seek Thy aid, I ask direction,
Teach me to do what pleaseth Thee;
I can bear toil, endure affliction,
Only Thy leadings let me see.
ANON.

When I was going through my last bout with cancer, a lovely young lady named Cindy gave me an adult coloring book. I really loved it so much that I've bought numerous kinds for myself. It is so relaxing especially if you are the type like myself who loves busyness. We don't know how to stop and just plain unwind. Coloring these beautiful books, just one page at a time, really made me be still. I would highly recommend it for all adults to sit down and color!

Well, my mom has developed a puzzle addiction! One that I'm very happy about. It is a great workout not only for the mind, but also for arthritis in the hands and hand motor skills. Everyone that stops by for a visit cannot help themselves, but sit down and work on the puzzle. The one below she did all by herself.

As I've mentioned once before, I like to mix all varieties of beans together. The same goes for a lot of my grains like quinoa, rice, barley and bulgar. I am finding that it is harder for me to stomach beans. I can only use a small amount within my cooking. I don't eat a lot of meat, mostly fish and vegetarian dishes. This is a great source of protein in my diet. 

Recently, I've wrapped up some Avon products in colorful tissue paper and brought it over by mom's place to serve as prizes at her resident's bingo games. They went off really well. All the ladies enjoyed the small gesture and hope I do it again. You know, it just proves that it doesn't take much to make someone's day. 

Let's end today's post on a deliciously tempting picture of Emily's homemade vegan pepperoni pizza. You heard right. The little pepperonis were tofu and not only do they look like pepperoni, but they taste like pepperoni. Delicious! My girl has a real talent. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Diary Of A Snow Shoveler

                                                                     Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Hello everyone! As I drove around today in this massive snowfall that we have received and still are, I thought of the irony of my wishing for snow this Winter. Well, it's here. In the front seat, my handy companion the kitchen broom, it's ends all shriveled from the snow. We have driven around and have gotten stuck in almost every parking spot I have been in. I couldn't help but remember a poem I read years ago of the joys of winter. It was published BY RICK CORDISCO

Real Estate Broker/Owner with Pocono Mountain Lakes Realty RB 066506 

Enjoy everyone!!!! 



Diary of a Snow Shoveler
 
December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat  for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again
I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
 
December 15
20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly.
We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!
Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.
 
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white   shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy.  I think the asshole is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today 
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25
Merry freaking Christmas!
20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in.
The (blank)  is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard.   How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in.
I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?  


HAVE A BLESSED DAY EVERYONE. 

Death

                                                                     Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                      everyday is a journey.



Unite, my roving thoughts, unite
In silence soft and sweet;
And thou, my soul, sit gently down
At thy great Sovereign's feet.
P. DODDRIDGE.

Death has been chasing me ever since that first diagnosis of cancer years ago. I thought I placed him in a dark crevice deep in the shadows of nowhere significant. Yet, he reappears over and over again, taunting me into submission.

 How am I to accept the finality of my life here? How do I accept that I am a mere speck to be washed away by the tears of my loved ones, soon forgotten in existence? How many have gone before me, whose names have become a forgotten thought echoing  from generation to generation?

Will anyone remember me?

I often wondered about my own death. What kind of funeral will my children have for me? Who will come to say all those nice things about me they never said when I was alive? In death, everyone will love me.

Death was something I dealt with long time ago or at least I thought I did. I've always knew it would come sometime much later in life . The fact that I have cancer meant nothing. I went to my treatments and decided to live in  the here and now. I took death and placed it on a shelf. Let it gather dust, I thought to myself, refusing to think about it.

From time to time, he would make a re-appearance, hoping to scare me. I'd pick him up and put him back on that shelf. I went to treatment for a re-occurrence two more times and tried to live my life as normally as I could not providing death with an afterthought.

Then Linda and Lora passed away within a few hours of each other. A few hours. Suddenly, that shelf seemed so very far away. I wasn't sure if I could reach it, let alone lift it. It was so heavy, bearing down on me more and more each day.

It wasn't the first deaths since my cancer. I've been to many funerals since then, but these were my cancer buddies. They were there from the beginning. We would try to encourage one another to keep on living. We went through treatment together, each and every time.

I remember my first meeting with Linda. It was the grand opening  of our neighborhood church and afterwards they held a meet and greet pizza. I sat down next to Linda, all because her head was bald underneath that cap just like mine. That's what I said to her.

" Are you wearing that cap for the same reason I am"?

It became a common joke between us, one that we would share with everyone within hearing. I had so many good times with Linda. She was my biggest fan, always praying for me. She sent me a calendar one year for Christmas and filled it with bible verses to encourage me. One of her favorites was 1Corinthians 2:9.

 "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" -- the things God has prepared for those who love him--"

She would always ask me, "What do you think we will see there , Lottie?"

" I don 't know , Linda, but whichever one of us goes first, we will let the other know, okay?"

Lora, she was the bravest of us three. She was ready, she wrote letters to all her children, her sisters, her aunts, there was no one she missed. She took advantage of her last months to prepare and take care of all she needed to, but she always was that kind of lady. She was strong, brave and knew her mind! She even shared the gospel of Jesus with as many as she could before dying. Even at her funeral, she did it her own way, there were baptisms and celebration.

These women shared a great deal of their life with a chronic illness with others and with one another. Sometimes, it only took a look to pass between us to know how the other was feeling. We knew, we simply knew what it took for us to live daily with cancer.

Now I am completely alone. They left, hand in hand together, within a few hours of each other. I could see them in my mind skipping and laughing as little girls, running up to meet our Lord right into Heaven. You see, Linda was afraid of dying so Lora took her with so she wouldn't be afraid.

I'm almost envious of the very thought.

Their death has brought so many bittersweet thoughts to my mind. I'm thinking of my own situation. Will my time be next? How will I leave this Earth? Will I have time to settle my affairs? So many things are rushing through  my brain as I anxiously try to sort out these feelings I'm experiencing.

Death is not an easy subject to discuss with anyone, let alone ourselves. I know that at times, we feel that we are ready to pass onto the next journey, but are we really? If we knew this was it, would we be so ready to go?

There is a bit of fear involved, fear of the unknown. Even as a Christian, it's not death that scares me, but the process. Will it hurt? Is it immediate, the passing from here to heaven? The letting go of completely and trusting of moving forward. Isn't this what we have been waiting for all of our lives?

What about the people we leave behind. Will they be okay? Will they find their way without us? How can I leave not knowing what will happen to them? I need assurance, we all need assurance that everything will be okay. That they will be okay without us holding the pieces. I think the letting go of  the here and everyone in it. . . that will be the hardest part.

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

I read that the other day and somehow, it eased my troubled mind. I want to imagine death as a glorious journey from one place to the next. As I take my last breath, I will step into that place I have never seen, yet I've felt it in my heart all this time. Take my hand and lead me from this dead life only to emerge whole and new in the Promised Land.

Have a blessed day everyone.

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A Lost Piece

                                                                       Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                       everyday is a journey.


A cold wind stirs the blackthorn
To burgeon and to blow,
Besprinkling half-green hedges
With flakes and sprays of snow.

Through coldness and through keenness,
Dear hearts take comfort so:
Somewhere or other doubtless
These make the blackthorn blow.

--Christina G. Rossetti.

Here is another lost post of my fourth treatment experience. Recently, I've found  quite a few of these posts from that time. I wonder why I never posted them? Maybe because I had such a hard time with that darn radiation. I just want to remind everyone that the following story is not from now, but from my last treatment with cancer. Enjoy. 

Humbled And Meek

By Lottie Krol

As nerve wrecking as the first couple of days were, a certain peace settled over me. It must have been the deep sleep of the night before, because when I awakened in the morning, I was still. There was nothing I could do. I became aware of my limited power over the situation. 

If you've never believed in God, you do when tragedy strikes. Or at least, one realizes the limiting control we actually have over the situation. No matter what I do, the outcome will still be the same, because there is someone else running the show.

I went about my day in complete and utter quiet. Never have I felt such neutrality devoid of all emotion. In robotic fashion I performed all my duties at home and at work, never saying a word to anyone regarding my cancer.  That is, no one outside of my son and daughter. Every time my mouth opened no voice came out. What was there to say?

Be still and know I am God.

Psalm 46:10

So what is next for me? Again, I'm back to the unknown . Isn't this where I was eight years ago when first diagnosed? Eight years and 4 bouts with cancer and it feels like I've come full circle.  Just when you think you have things worked out and know what to expect, a monkey wrench gets thrown in to mess it up.

Who am I to question the why's, the how's or even the when? Each time my cancer returned it has been a journey of sorts whether in acceptance of my own immortality or growth spiritually. What will I learn this time?

I have no idea about anything. This is a completely different path and I have no knowledge of what to expect. So I take my little pill, twice daily and go on my way. I feel a bit like Jonah after he was spit out of the whale, but these shores I've never been on. I know nothing of them.

So where am I going to now, Lord? What is my next destination? I am nothing more than  a mere speck of grain waiting to be blown to my new adventure. I am both humbled and in awe of Your power. Every single one of us can be brought to our knees in sweet, meek reverence of the Almighty.

Not sure of how I should feel or act or even to what I should say. I just continue the daily routine hoping for a sign as to where I should go or do. I am numb. I feel absolutely nothing as if my heart was a stainless steel machine operating on man made power. There is no steady beat of a life breathing and flowing through these veins. Please someone plug me in!

So I'm humbled, truly humbled by the events that have unfolded these past few days. I feel so alone with no voice that anyone can hear. Has it been lost for good? Will anyone ever hear it again? Does anyone care to hear it? Why, after all these years with cancer, am I feeling this way? This is my fourth time! It should be different, but instead it's worse.

Have a blessed day everyone.

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