The Announcement

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.”
-Erma Bombeck

 

Earlier, I took a routine petscan for my cancer. Unfortunately, the scan revealed that I'm no longer in remission. Unlike the past, it has been determined that I undergo a hormone treatment consisting of two pills daily of tamoxifen instead of the usual chemo infusion.

 

Of course, this doesn't change anything. We go on as always . . . .God willing. This treatment allows me to continue working for as long as I am able to. The same goes for my Ministry work and this blog. The side effects are minimal consisting mostly of hot flashes, mood swings and swelling of the legs. Worst case scenario means blood clots.

This marks my fourth re-occurrence with ovarian cancer. As with the other three, I'm embracing this new journey God has placed me on. I wonder what He has in store for me and my family, so please pray for us.

As I thought about this new development and what it could mean, I couldn't help but quote Psalm 73:25-26.
As long as I have You
I don't need anyone else in heaven or on earth
My body and mind may waste away,
but God remains the foundation of my life
and my inheritance forever.

I couldn't have said better myself. Have a blessed day everyone.

Waiting For The Shoe To Drop

I couldn't sleep all night. I felt humid, sticky and extremely uncomfortable. No matter what I tried, I couldn't fall asleep and ended up tossing and turning until the alarm beeped in the early morning.

My mind kept racing with all sorts of images, some frightening, some scary, but all worrisome. The devil loves it when we are in this state. He makes sure the crescendo builds to an even higher beat to where we are consumed with a fury of doubt and worry.

That was me last Monday.

You see, I was having a routine Petscan that I've had on numerous occasion. For some reason, panic and fear engulfed me like never before. What normally has been a quiet and relaxing morning spent reading and doing puzzles while I wait for my scan, turned into a nightmare.

One would think there were pins and needles inside of me as I just couldn't sit or lay still for the life of me. The scan itself takes a mere 20 or so minutes and yet, I thought I would literally jump out of my skin. I've never had a more nerve racking petscan than I did that day.

I could feel my blood pressure slowly rise and stress fill my body. But why? Why this time? Silly aren't I? It's just a test. One that I've had numerous times. Oh devil, leave me alone.

Have a blessed day everyone.

The Ministry

It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it. – A.W. Tozer

Many times I am asked why I have a Ministry or you're still doing that? I guess it's difficult for people to grasp that I'm actually giving these crochet items away to charities and not selling them.  

I knew how to crochet all of my life. I cannot even remember who taught me or when. I'm assuming it was my own mother. I've never used this gift as a young woman. Never made my own children any thing and then suddenly at the age of 42 years, I picked up the hook.

I often wonder why at that time? Was it God?

I picked it up again at one of the worst times of my life and this  simple hook brought me so much pleasure, so much sanity and so much peace.

How can I take money for that?

I hope I can bring that same kind of emotion to other people who are experiencing health struggles in their lives by allowing them to channel their pain into other things such as crafts. Crocheting helps me focus on something other than what I am going through right now. It is peace and serenity. I hope I can bring that experience to you as well.

God gave me another chance. The last thing I want to do is waste it. The Ministry will go on as long as there are people willing to donate yarn to it. God will provide. He always does.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Seven Deadly Sins

Greed, pride, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth. The seven deadly sins. Which one are you? Yes, you. Every single person on this earth happens to be at least one of those seven.

Last night, I came home in a funk. A total funk. I listen to Christian music both on my way to work and back. As I belted out song after song, emotions took over and I thought about all the things I have been praying for, things not realized.

These are not things that are material. They are not wants. It's harder when we pray for others, because we cannot see the work that is being done on the inside, only what is being done on the outside.

So I became a little down. Walked inside and stuffed myself with donuts. Gluttony has always been my downfall. Not just with eating, but with other things as well. I over analyze things to death. I over react. I over reach. I over schedule. Everything is in the excessive almost as if I didn't know how to do just normal.

Even at work, I can't just do what is required. I work through lunch more times than I care to admit. If they want 3, I do 4. Over accessing everything.

After all is said and done, I'm full of regrets.  At work  on dayshift, there are two people doing the same job. I'm all by myself. When I over eat, my tummy hurts the morning after. When I over schedule, I'm perpetually behind. Why , why, why do I do this to myself?

Yet, we commit the same deadly sin over and over again. So I'm paying for it today. So I ask you again. What is your deadly sin?

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Throwback Thursday

I almost forgotten about this post. If I remember correctly, I was home on FMLA for my cancer infusion. It's no wonder that I felt love for mankind, I wasn't around them too much then.

People have always been a struggle for me and running away to hide in the mountains always an appealing thought. Yet, God seems to place me around them all the time. I finally stopped running.

Relationships are difficult because we all are so different with different tastes and dislikes. We have to remember that not everyone out there in the world has the Holy Spirit in them. That's why we need to show them by our actions and words what Christ's love is all about.

Everyday, on my way to work, I recite this prayer: Lord, help me in all I do and say to be a reflection of You. Now, I may not always succeed, but I will never stop trying.

 

Love Makes The World Go Round

   As I start my fast , I'm full of optimism , hope  and love . Yes , love . Being in seclusion , most of the time , I find it very easy to love people ( hehehe) . It's so easy from a distance . I came across some notes I took two years ago  while watching Dr. Joyce Meyers . I want to share them with all of you . It was based on the series " The Confident Woman " , but I think it's appropriate for my fast .
  1. first of all , love Jesus
  2. you can love people by being understanding
  3. love is merciful and faithful
  4. you don't get character when everything is nice
  5. love is the hardest to get and to maintain
  6. ask yourself what are you doing for others to make things better
  7. you will never fail if you never stop trying
  8. love will cost you something
  9. get out into the world and be a better "bible " to others

    After reading this , I thought , why is this so hard to do ? Sounds simple enough . Why can't we do this ? We are like the people in the desert with Moses walking around  " lost " for forty years . We complain . We moan and groan . We are never happy . We want this and we want that . We get this and we get that and we are still not satisfied . Lord , I just described myself .
    Well , I'm never going to stop trying to improve .I don't want to stop living  or growing . I need to continuously keep growing spiritually ....in Christ . We all need to apply that list to our lives .It's a new year ...a new beginning .

Have a Blessed day everyone.

5 Most Wanted

Isn't that the truth? Who wants to get up and prepare coffee on a rough morning? All of us are hoping for that coffee genie to appear and have a fresh pot brewing the minute we wake up.

It's been that kind of week. Every morning brings a new list of things to do. This happens every time I have special plans for the weekend. I try real hard to accomplish all my errands during the week so no time is wasted on those special days.

As each new day appears, I secretly wish that coffee genie would do it's magic. Unfortunately, that never happens so I have to resort to an old and tried method of manual labor. Another great tried and true method? List making!

I am notorious for getting ahead of myself or getting involved with other things than what I intended or planned. Especially if I'm trying to fit a lot of activities for one weekend. So I needed to make a list of my top five absolutely need to get done.

1. I definitely need to make a Fall/Winter schedule for my Ministry. Plus, an outline for our six month General Business Meeting. Of course, that's overdue!

2. Once again, the hoarder in me needs to unclutter all the clutter in my room. Perhaps even re-arrange some pieces. It's a perpetual struggle with me.

3. I desperately need to make a huge dent in my writing project that I have been working on. Remember, my secret project that no one knows about . . . yet?

4. My appointment book/schedule needs a huge upgrade especially as the new month begins.

5. This is my favorite. I'm still in transition from my old e-mail into my new e-mail. I keep going back and forth between the two. I think it's time to clear out any outstanding e-mails under the old name.

So there you have it. I already know it will be difficult and most likely I once again have overscheduled, but I will certainly try. I can only try, right?

Have a blessed day everyone.

A Church Nomad

God will make a way,Where there seems to be no way;
He works in ways we cannot see,
He will make a way for me.
He will be my guide,
Hold me closely to His side;
With love and strength for each new day,
He will make a way. He will make a way!
Don Moen

I am a person who sings loudly in Church whether I have a great voice or not doesn't matter. To my ears, my voice is lovely because I am singing in praise.

This past Sunday, I sat quietly not a peep coming out. Even when I tried, my voice would not rise. I realized that sometimes we need to be still. It didn't mean He wasn't there. Quite the opposite, I felt Him even more.

For the first time in a very long time, I decided to stop being a church nomad and make a home somewhere. I've been coming to this Church for three straight weeks and that's where I'm staying. This is where I will tithe and fellowship with others. A new start, a new chapter begins.

I have realized that I needed to get right with God for my prayer life to become solid and strong. Now I always knew what I was doing wrong and yet  did nothing about it. Why? Because I categorized my wrong as a tiny sin. Is there such a thing?

Absolutely not! Sin is sin. If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, looks like a duck. . . .it's a duck! Sin is sin.

Looking in the mirror and acknowledging our faults can be difficult to admit and even see ourselves in that light, but we cannot move forward unless we accept the consequences of our actions. We need to examine our part in why it all went wrong and determine the best cause of action. How else will we learn from them?

Everyday is a lesson. Everyday is a new journey. Have a Blessed day everyone.