Dear Diary ,
Today was certainly a very busy one . I didn't get much sleep last night , instead staying up crocheting baby blankets . Kind of silly , since I had all these appointments planned . Last thing I wanted to do is get out of bed .
My first stop was at Walgreens to pick up some medication and some flowers for my Aunt's birthday . Next , I stopped off to deliver some supplies / pick-up crosses from one of my crocheting ladies . Then off to my mom's for a luncheon celebrating my Aunt's birthday .
What great fun we had trying to take selfies of each other only failing miserably . Pictures of blurry images , tops of heads and closed eyes ensued . Not one good picture was taken , but we ended up bent over , holding our sides laughing so hard . Memories , that's what we were making .
Mom made a delicious meal of homemade soup , a pasta dish with chicken and homemade Polish donuts . Later , she whipped out a plate of open faced sandwiches and kolaczki . Yum !
That wasn't even the end of it . On my way out , mom gives me a bag of leftovers and my Aunt brought me a huge bag of yarn of every summer color you could imagine . I left loaded with bags .
When I finally made it home , it was time for the elliptical again . I'm really proud of continuing the exercise while I'm off . I hope I can continue .
Have a Blessed day
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
Day One
Dear Diary ,
My first day off from work and I haven't really done anything . I knew it would be like this , my lounging around , not wanting to be bothered with anything . At least for today .
I haven't told anyone I was on vacation . I wanted to be alone , living the hermit life . No responsibilities or interruptions of any kind . I wanted this time to be about freedom to enjoy doing whatever I wanted to do , to live out that secret desire of living faraway from everyone .
I've spent the day picking up things around the apartment . A little cleaning and laundry . Made supper of mixed salad greens , tomatoes , onion , bell peppers and tuna on top . A real gourmet dinner , eh ? Emily sure likes it when I'm home so she doesn't have to cook and eat alone .
I'm really proud of myself for exercising on the elliptical . No one knows I've started doing so twice a week or more . Now that I'm on vacation , I'll be working out everyday . One of my co-workers asked if I lost any weight ? I haven't heard that question in years !
Emily seems to like having me home . She always makes disparaging remarks " about that second shift " like it's a death sentence . Funny , somehow both my kids have always enjoyed hanging around with me . You think they would be sick of me ? Talk about cutting those apron strings .
I really enjoyed my first day . It was so peaceful and stress-free ! The phone rang , but I didn't answer . Let the answering machine pick up .
After supper , we watched a movie and I got to actually crochet a baby blanket from start to finish . Haven't done that in a long time . Just thought of something hilarious ! I'm sitting here crocheting in my rocker ! Like a real old lady !
Hmm , a breeze came through the open window . It's been a real beautiful day . I feel like writing for a bit . . . .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
My first day off from work and I haven't really done anything . I knew it would be like this , my lounging around , not wanting to be bothered with anything . At least for today .
I haven't told anyone I was on vacation . I wanted to be alone , living the hermit life . No responsibilities or interruptions of any kind . I wanted this time to be about freedom to enjoy doing whatever I wanted to do , to live out that secret desire of living faraway from everyone .
I've spent the day picking up things around the apartment . A little cleaning and laundry . Made supper of mixed salad greens , tomatoes , onion , bell peppers and tuna on top . A real gourmet dinner , eh ? Emily sure likes it when I'm home so she doesn't have to cook and eat alone .
I'm really proud of myself for exercising on the elliptical . No one knows I've started doing so twice a week or more . Now that I'm on vacation , I'll be working out everyday . One of my co-workers asked if I lost any weight ? I haven't heard that question in years !
Emily seems to like having me home . She always makes disparaging remarks " about that second shift " like it's a death sentence . Funny , somehow both my kids have always enjoyed hanging around with me . You think they would be sick of me ? Talk about cutting those apron strings .
I really enjoyed my first day . It was so peaceful and stress-free ! The phone rang , but I didn't answer . Let the answering machine pick up .
After supper , we watched a movie and I got to actually crochet a baby blanket from start to finish . Haven't done that in a long time . Just thought of something hilarious ! I'm sitting here crocheting in my rocker ! Like a real old lady !
Hmm , a breeze came through the open window . It's been a real beautiful day . I feel like writing for a bit . . . .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Postponing The Inevitable
I am known for procrastination , especially if it's something I totally
dislike . Putting things off can be quite natural for me . I can make up excuses of grand proportion all that are justifiable , or they may seem to me .
That's why it is no surprise that often you will see me running around in a panic at the last minute . Majority of the time it concerns things I don't care for or I've never done and I'm afraid .
I didn't get my drivers license until I was 35 years old , because I was scared . The person I was carpooling with decided to retire and there was no one going my way , there was no way out , I had to learn.
It was the same with taxes . My dear girlfriend , an accountant , would do them for me for years . . . . then she moved away to Texas . I waited until literally two days before they were due to learn to do them myself .
Don't even get me started on the car situation that my son used to take care of for me .
I could go on and on listing things that I have procrastinated in the past . The fact is , I delay things for two reason : I'm scared or embarrassed .
Making a good impression always played a huge role in my upbringing . No matter what was going on at home , we always held a good image otherwise . I was brought up in a way that the first thing we do in any argument is shut the open windows . A good impression meant a lot .
Looking good prevents one from going beyond the comfort level . I haven't explored many things because of it . I have never ridden a bike or learned how to swim . Being afraid has limited me in living out my life . The fact that I'm writing this blog or leading my crocheting ministry is huge for me . I'm good at leading things that others have founded .
This quiet time , I know that God is providing for me to finish up everything I need to get done . That next level of my journey is coming and I need to prepare . It's hard when you're a procrastinator , but when you're a scared one ? It's frightening to just let go . . . .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
dislike . Putting things off can be quite natural for me . I can make up excuses of grand proportion all that are justifiable , or they may seem to me .
That's why it is no surprise that often you will see me running around in a panic at the last minute . Majority of the time it concerns things I don't care for or I've never done and I'm afraid .
I didn't get my drivers license until I was 35 years old , because I was scared . The person I was carpooling with decided to retire and there was no one going my way , there was no way out , I had to learn.
It was the same with taxes . My dear girlfriend , an accountant , would do them for me for years . . . . then she moved away to Texas . I waited until literally two days before they were due to learn to do them myself .
Don't even get me started on the car situation that my son used to take care of for me .
I could go on and on listing things that I have procrastinated in the past . The fact is , I delay things for two reason : I'm scared or embarrassed .
Making a good impression always played a huge role in my upbringing . No matter what was going on at home , we always held a good image otherwise . I was brought up in a way that the first thing we do in any argument is shut the open windows . A good impression meant a lot .
Looking good prevents one from going beyond the comfort level . I haven't explored many things because of it . I have never ridden a bike or learned how to swim . Being afraid has limited me in living out my life . The fact that I'm writing this blog or leading my crocheting ministry is huge for me . I'm good at leading things that others have founded .
This quiet time , I know that God is providing for me to finish up everything I need to get done . That next level of my journey is coming and I need to prepare . It's hard when you're a procrastinator , but when you're a scared one ? It's frightening to just let go . . . .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
Friday, July 4, 2014
Cancer Wellness Poem
My mind has been in overdrive lately , going back in time , the present and the future . It sort of all began in the doctor's office all these years ago . On the wall he had a plaque with the following poem . I say this , because in my mind , my change inside of me began when my cancer invaded my being . I hope you have enjoyed your 4th of July , my
friends .
friends .
CANCER WELLNESS DOCTRINE
my health is my responsibility
but I did not cause my disease
I will always have hope
what I hope for
may change over time
my doctor and I are partners
we both have things to learn
death is not failure
personal dignity and
quality of life
are my measures of success
cancer provides me with an opportunity
I don't have to feel grateful for it
I am willing to change
the way I feel with stress
the past is only important
if I make it so
cancer is a family illness
we all need attention and support
I have the power to make a difference
in my care
I need to look inside
for the proper direction
but I did not cause my disease
I will always have hope
what I hope for
may change over time
my doctor and I are partners
we both have things to learn
death is not failure
personal dignity and
quality of life
are my measures of success
cancer provides me with an opportunity
I don't have to feel grateful for it
I am willing to change
the way I feel with stress
the past is only important
if I make it so
cancer is a family illness
we all need attention and support
I have the power to make a difference
in my care
I need to look inside
for the proper direction
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Throwback Thursday
My attitude towards my bald head has evolved since my first time all these years ago . I am not afraid nor intimated by the act any longer .
The next time I will lose my hair to chemo , I plan on buying a wig . I , no longer wish to look like I have cancer . I want to take control back in my corner .
For some reason , losing my hair gets easier with each return .
Hair Today , Gone Tomorrow
I do not like talking on the phone . Especially , if it involves speaking to sales people or handling a problem like insurance ......can't stand it . The minute I find out I have to call someone to fix a problem , I immediately look for someone to handle it for me. Otherwise folks , I'm walking away from it . Who needs cable ? I've been like this all of my life . Feel the same way with confrontations . If I don't feel like dealing with certain things , I put them aside . Digging deep is hard .
When my son moved out to Missouri , I called him one time to order pizza for me and I live in Chicago ! Thats how bad I have it.
Since my last blog , I spoke with my son and he did an interview with me for his radio program . I kept thinking about those questions he asked me all night . Couldn't sleep . Kept going over the entire interview in my head . Something very important came out during that interview . I had no idea I felt like that .
In a way , I feel like I'm fighting GOD . HE is bringing forth things out of me and I keep resisting . Like a two yr old stamping her foot saying : " no, I don't want to and you can't make me ." Well , HE kept me up all night so I guess HE won .
That morning folks I made a decision . I know now , why I haven't shaved my head yet . I've been waiting for someone to do it for me . Last time was different because I was in terrible shape healthwise and I needed people to take care of me . I didn't have to handle anything .There was someone to handle all my paperwork and folks it was a mess . There was a nurse coming to the house twice a week and whatever I needed all I had to do is pick up the phone and someone would take care of it for me .
Not this time . I've been handling all the paperwork . Felt very proud of myself . There's just one thing......my hair .There is something so very personal and difficult about shaving your head . I can't describe it . I know of someone whose mom had breast cancer and the entire family had to have a meeting on how best to deal with shaving her head .
I thought about going to a salon but I knew I would break down and cry . I didn't want to do that in front of someone I didn't know . I didn't want to be vulnerable in front of a stranger .
I asked my brother for electric shears and I shaved my own head . Strange thing happened.....I didn't cry . As I looked in the mirror , of course , I didn't like the face I saw . I didn't recognize it . It didn't look like me . But ...I have a very nicely shaped round head ....although the turkey gobbler has to go .
I took control and not let it control me . Maybe thats why I didn't cry .
The next time I will lose my hair to chemo , I plan on buying a wig . I , no longer wish to look like I have cancer . I want to take control back in my corner .
For some reason , losing my hair gets easier with each return .
Hair Today , Gone Tomorrow
I do not like talking on the phone . Especially , if it involves speaking to sales people or handling a problem like insurance ......can't stand it . The minute I find out I have to call someone to fix a problem , I immediately look for someone to handle it for me. Otherwise folks , I'm walking away from it . Who needs cable ? I've been like this all of my life . Feel the same way with confrontations . If I don't feel like dealing with certain things , I put them aside . Digging deep is hard .
When my son moved out to Missouri , I called him one time to order pizza for me and I live in Chicago ! Thats how bad I have it.
Since my last blog , I spoke with my son and he did an interview with me for his radio program . I kept thinking about those questions he asked me all night . Couldn't sleep . Kept going over the entire interview in my head . Something very important came out during that interview . I had no idea I felt like that .
In a way , I feel like I'm fighting GOD . HE is bringing forth things out of me and I keep resisting . Like a two yr old stamping her foot saying : " no, I don't want to and you can't make me ." Well , HE kept me up all night so I guess HE won .
That morning folks I made a decision . I know now , why I haven't shaved my head yet . I've been waiting for someone to do it for me . Last time was different because I was in terrible shape healthwise and I needed people to take care of me . I didn't have to handle anything .There was someone to handle all my paperwork and folks it was a mess . There was a nurse coming to the house twice a week and whatever I needed all I had to do is pick up the phone and someone would take care of it for me .
Not this time . I've been handling all the paperwork . Felt very proud of myself . There's just one thing......my hair .There is something so very personal and difficult about shaving your head . I can't describe it . I know of someone whose mom had breast cancer and the entire family had to have a meeting on how best to deal with shaving her head .
I thought about going to a salon but I knew I would break down and cry . I didn't want to do that in front of someone I didn't know . I didn't want to be vulnerable in front of a stranger .
I asked my brother for electric shears and I shaved my own head . Strange thing happened.....I didn't cry . As I looked in the mirror , of course , I didn't like the face I saw . I didn't recognize it . It didn't look like me . But ...I have a very nicely shaped round head ....although the turkey gobbler has to go .
I took control and not let it control me . Maybe thats why I didn't cry .
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
That Daily Cup
Sometimes , my day becomes so hectic that I forget about my daily rituals .We all need those daily cups of whatever it may be that keep us going .
For me , I have quite a few of them . Each and every one serves and provides a sense of security and I am a person who thrives on continuity .
My first daily cup is coffee . Who doesn't need caffeine , especially in the morning . I can last no more than 24 hours without a cup . Other than that , headaches and fatigue set in . In the past , coffee was my beverage and I partook in it all day long . I have narrowed down my intake to mornings only . A huge improvement .
My second daily cup is crocheting . This craft has become my lifeline . I cannot imagine life without it . Recently , I ran into an elderly lady at the hair salon who used to knit , but no longer due to her arthritis . I felt horrible for her that she couldn't do something she obviously enjoyed so much . There was longing in her eyes as she sat and watched me crochet .
My third daily cup is writing . What began as a diary for my children , developed into a secret love of writing . I want to become better and better with each year . I am not a professional writer , so I have tons to learn . A deep desire lives inside of me to write a book that never has to be published or shown to anyone other than me . I just want to know that I am capable of producing top notch literature .
My last daily cup is my time with God . This is the most important one in my life . This one I definitely can't do without . We have a conversation throughout the day . I can't even drive a car without praying .
When I am pressed for time and don't have the opportunity for any of my daily cups , I am out of sorts for the remainder of the day . They keep me going even when I don't have any desire to do so .
What are your daily cups ? How are you without them ? We all have them , even if we don't care to admit them . Take the time to explore yours .
Have a Blessed day everyone
For me , I have quite a few of them . Each and every one serves and provides a sense of security and I am a person who thrives on continuity .
My first daily cup is coffee . Who doesn't need caffeine , especially in the morning . I can last no more than 24 hours without a cup . Other than that , headaches and fatigue set in . In the past , coffee was my beverage and I partook in it all day long . I have narrowed down my intake to mornings only . A huge improvement .
My second daily cup is crocheting . This craft has become my lifeline . I cannot imagine life without it . Recently , I ran into an elderly lady at the hair salon who used to knit , but no longer due to her arthritis . I felt horrible for her that she couldn't do something she obviously enjoyed so much . There was longing in her eyes as she sat and watched me crochet .
My third daily cup is writing . What began as a diary for my children , developed into a secret love of writing . I want to become better and better with each year . I am not a professional writer , so I have tons to learn . A deep desire lives inside of me to write a book that never has to be published or shown to anyone other than me . I just want to know that I am capable of producing top notch literature .
My last daily cup is my time with God . This is the most important one in my life . This one I definitely can't do without . We have a conversation throughout the day . I can't even drive a car without praying .
When I am pressed for time and don't have the opportunity for any of my daily cups , I am out of sorts for the remainder of the day . They keep me going even when I don't have any desire to do so .
What are your daily cups ? How are you without them ? We all have them , even if we don't care to admit them . Take the time to explore yours .
Have a Blessed day everyone
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
No More Leftovers
The sun was hot and the air thick with humidity . Being stood up is no
fun , no matter how old you are . My girlfriend , way too busy with her errands , has forgotten all about me . My frustration grew with each swipe of my sweaty forehead as I waited on her .
To think my day began in such a great mode of relaxation and a sense of accomplishment . Why did I leave the sanctity of my bedroom ?
I got up very early that morning and laid out all my work on the
bedspread . I set to work on my crosses , lost in deep thought . Quickly the morning passed and when I looked up next , it was time for me to meet my friend for coffee .
So here I am and we know how that ended . What upsets me is not that she was too busy , but that knowing we had a set date two weeks ago and she still made a list of errands to attend to .
This is not the first time it has happened to me lately , where people just forget about me . I was told by my co-worker that I have the nature of turning the other cheek , where as others would have made a fuss . People have seemed to believe they can take advantage of my good nature , because I am too understanding or at least , I try to be .
Remember the table ? It seems my description has been quite accurate . Well , I'm getting tired of it . I'm tired of getting the leftovers while others are enjoying a five - star meal . I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate if I treated them in the same matter .
My co-worker is right , I do turn the cheek , maybe a little too many times . I wasted the entire afternoon and evening when I could have been more useful elsewhere . My time is so precious to me and instead , I sat in a hot car listening to excuses and promises of almost there .
When I finally gave up , I ended up in a terrible storm . What a horrible day that turned out to be .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
fun , no matter how old you are . My girlfriend , way too busy with her errands , has forgotten all about me . My frustration grew with each swipe of my sweaty forehead as I waited on her .
To think my day began in such a great mode of relaxation and a sense of accomplishment . Why did I leave the sanctity of my bedroom ?
I got up very early that morning and laid out all my work on the
bedspread . I set to work on my crosses , lost in deep thought . Quickly the morning passed and when I looked up next , it was time for me to meet my friend for coffee .
So here I am and we know how that ended . What upsets me is not that she was too busy , but that knowing we had a set date two weeks ago and she still made a list of errands to attend to .
This is not the first time it has happened to me lately , where people just forget about me . I was told by my co-worker that I have the nature of turning the other cheek , where as others would have made a fuss . People have seemed to believe they can take advantage of my good nature , because I am too understanding or at least , I try to be .
Remember the table ? It seems my description has been quite accurate . Well , I'm getting tired of it . I'm tired of getting the leftovers while others are enjoying a five - star meal . I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate if I treated them in the same matter .
My co-worker is right , I do turn the cheek , maybe a little too many times . I wasted the entire afternoon and evening when I could have been more useful elsewhere . My time is so precious to me and instead , I sat in a hot car listening to excuses and promises of almost there .
When I finally gave up , I ended up in a terrible storm . What a horrible day that turned out to be .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
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Running out this morning to Walgreen's for a desperate need of coffee , I almost tripped over an U.P.S. box by my door . I stopped...
