Finding Rest

On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. (Psalm 62:7–8)

Finding rest In God
Oh how I long for His loving arms to envelope my being
to place me in His safe guardianship .
I cry out to Him in my weariness ,
resting my head on His shoulders . 

Oh , Lord , tuck me away in Your safekeeping 
far away from the problems of this world . 
Allow the stress to gently leave my body 
free to rejoice in Your company .

Wash away all the dirt suffocating me
exposing my shame for all to see .
Cleanse me from the inside out 
to live anew by Your saving Grace .

God , let me find rest in Your loving arms 
protect me and refresh me all over again
so I can live out Your will 
and serve my fellow man . 

Prepare me , Lord 
for the coming year .
Let the lessons I have learned 
this past year serve me well
as I step into a new beginning . 

Let me find rest in my God . . . . .


Have a Blessed New Year everyone .

Letting Go

There is nothing worse than having to let go of something or someone that has played an important part in our lives . Sometimes letting go is a healing process that needs to happen so we can move on  to the next chapter in this game of life we are playing . 

Letting go comes in all forms . There may be a person who leaves our life because of a breakup or moving away or by death . Letting go may involve getting rid of an idea or activity that no longer serves its purpose . 

Letting go can hurt , really hurt . 

As the year ends , Emily and I have come to the realization that we need to let go of some of these things that have come to mean so much to us . 

Reflection taking place of what was , what will never be and hopefully of what will come ? 

The past becomes old and we long for something new to enter . Something better , something more meaningful . To move forward , one needs to let go , no matter how much it may hurt . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Bring On The Christmas Cheer

Merry Christmas everyone ! Our Lord and Savior has come !

This year I have not sent out any Christmas  cards or put up any lights opting for a more quiet , humbling Holiday . Emily and I are spending the day in our pajammies , watching some movies and enjoying our traditional salmon supper . The following poem was sent to me from one of my mentors . Take a moment to read about the real reason for Christmas . 

Twas the night before Jesus came and all through

the house

not a creature was praying not one in the house . 

Their Bibles were lain on the shelf without care

in hopes that Jesus would not come there .

The children were dressing to crawl into bed ,

not once ever kneeling or bowing a head .

And Mom in her rocker with baby on her lap 

was watching the Late Show while I took a nap . +

When out of the East there arose such a clatter ,

I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter .

Away to the window I flew like a flash

tore open the shutters and threw up the sash !

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

but angels proclaiming that Jesus was here .

With a light  like the sun sending forth a bright  ray ,

I knew in a moment this must be THE DAY !

The light of His face made me cover my head ,

it was Jesus returning just like He said .

And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth ,

I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself .

In the Book of Life which He held in His hand , 

was written the name of every saved man .

He spoke not a word as He searched  for my name :

When He said , "It's not here ," my head hung in shame .

The people whose names had been written with love

He gathered to take to His Father above .

With those who were ready He rose without a sound

while all the rest were left standing around .

I fell to my knees , but it was too late:

I had waited too long and thus sealed my fate .

I stood and I cried as they rose  out of sight  ;

Oh , if only I had been ready tonight .

In the words of this poem the meaning is clear ;

The coming of Jesus is drawing near .

There's only one life and when comes the last call ,

We'll find that the Bible was true after all !

Have a Blessed Christmas everyone .

Merry Christmas

For as long as I can remember , Christmas Eve has always been a huge deal in our family . Not only do we get together to celebrate the Birth of Jesus , consume a variety of traditional Polish food , but we experience the long awaited and anticipated prediction of the coming year .

Yes , prediction . We have so many family traditions based on our ethnic origin . Our culture believes that how we are on  Christmas Eve , that is how our new year will be . If we woke up early , then we will be early all year . If we argue , we will have many arguments . If we spend it with many friends , we will be entertaining  and so on and so on . 

Many mornings in the past , I have seen my mom wash her face in cold water littered with coins , signifying good fortune for the rest of the new year .

As the table was set for dinner , a coin was placed under each plate so every member could experience the same wealth . 

On the dinner table lay a plate of thin wafers . Before dinner was served , each one of us took a piece of wafer and exchanged well wishes for the coming year , breaking each other's wafer in return . 

When my  son and daughter were small , I would anxiously look forward to  this day , hoping that they would get along with each other . Maybe , this Christmas Eve would be the one where the would learn to love one another ? It never happened . 

Now that I'm a Christian , Christmas has taken on  a different meaning . All these traditions have become simply silly games . Each year , all I long for  is a simple Christmas far from all that glitter and shining baubles . 


This past year hasn't been an easy one nor has it been a difficult 
one for myself or my children , but it has left me feeling humble . I know how fragile health , happiness and wealth can be . I am grateful for what I have . 

Have a Blessed and Merry Christmas everyone . 

The Media Cows

"What are you giggling about in there ? " I asked Emily . 
"I'm watching The Media Cows , mom ". 

The Media Cows . They sounded like a comedy club routine type show , but of course , I was completely wrong in my assumption . The Media Cows , are a group of young men doing a walk through of a game on Youtube . The name of the game we were watching ? The Last Of Us . I fell in love with the storyline and became addicted , wanting to find out what happened next . 
What I didn't expect is to develop a fondness for the two young men that were playing the game and offering tips on how to pass each level . It seems , there are many individuals on Youtube that do this sort of thing , but these two provided a down to earth attitude that I found refreshing as they interacted together .

Now , if you have a soft heart  or are not used to being around young men , you might find them offensive . These are young men , we're speaking about , after all . They burp , pass gas and talk about gross things like who can spit farther  . Like I said , they're young .

Since then , we have watched many game walk through together , each one providing a different kind of fantasy . Isn't that what a game really is ? A fantasy ? A way to escape the troubles of the here and now . It's no different than watching  a television show or a movie . Some can even say that playing a board game is a way for escapism from reality . As well as reading a book .

As long as it's all done in moderation and we don't allow our fantasies to overtake our reality , let's indulge to release the stress of the day . In our mother's time  it was Calgon , now it's the social media who takes us away .

All of this interaction with technology has provided an opportunity for more bonding with my daughter . I believe my illness has left her thirsty for more of my companionship . Not to mention that my 11 year old grandson thinks I'm the bomb for knowing the life of a gamer . :)

Have a Blessed day everyone .
+
 .

Drawing The Line

Sometimes I think people forget where they have come from and the roads they have traveled . When times are wonderful and lives are completely changed for the better , it's easy to forget to be thankful for it . We forget how difficult , how vulnerable and how lost we were during those dark days .

When the sun lifts the darkness , we vow to never forget those bad times and yet over time we do . We become overbearing and judgmental toward others who are experiencing hard times themselves , especially to those who are going through almost the same trials as we have .

It's much harder when it is a fellow Christian because we expect so much more from them . We expect them to be holier and instead we find they're just ordinary sinners like everyone else . Just like those heathens out there .

As a parent , our first instinct is to protect our children from the evils of the world . We want their lives to be better than  ours , without any strife or hurt . Unfortunately , we know that isn't possible . They need to go out there and experience the ups and downs of life .

When my daughter was born , I looked down at her nestled in my arms in disbelief . Having three sons , a girl wasn't something I was expecting . You see , I know how hard it is to be a woman and I knew what she would experience in life as she grew older . It's hard being a woman .

This past year ,  has been a very bittersweet time for us both . As I try to instill some wisdom of my own trials onto hers , I find that the people I'm trying to use as role models for her are failing both of us . Failing because I also have placed them on a pedestal so high they simply can't keep their balance .

People fall down and pray for help . They get back up and instead of extending a hand to help the ones who haven't been as lucky . . . .  . . we judge them . We forget what it was like to be in those shoes . We forget  not because we don't care  , but because when we look at them , we see our " old " selves . It's hard to look in the mirror and see the reflection .

Being a mother with adult children is so difficult , because I can't shield them from any of this . I can only hold their hand , make some tea  and just listen . Of all the stages of motherhood , this is the hardest .

People will hurt other people . There will be lies , cheating and everything else . Human nature has been the same since Adam and Eve . My expectations have always been high , full of hope for mankind and one day it will be the Garden of Eden again .

Have a Blessed day everyone .

The Simple Things

When I was a little girl , I dreamt of grandeur . A  large  home with a wraparound porch , a huge garden filled with an assortment of flowers and in that house many children dwelled . My career consisted of an executive , wheeling and dealing , with my own office and high tailored suits .

 All of us grew up with dreams that may have been similar to mine or not , but we had an idea of how we wanted to live out our lives . That kind of life has remained a fantasy to me . There are some similarities , but they are very minor . 

 I grew up as a Catholic raised with the notion that our lives are predestined by God before we are born . The saying , " This is my lot in life " , has been the motto I've heard many times . My road has been paved and I should learn to accept the type of life God has given me .

I don't entirely believe that to be true . The road that I was on wasn't necessarily the road God intended for me , but the road I have chosen to take .

My lot in life has been created by me and no matter where I am now , I still have to live out the consequences of those choices . I can remember in my younger days telling myself that I'm living with no regrets . That may have been true then , but now I find myself acknowledging that it was all a lie . I have nothing but regrets .

I'm not exactly sure if it was my cancer or my advanced years that has brought this realization to light . All the same ,  it is very true . How do we go back and fix things ? Can we go back at all ? We try to teach the new generation , but the question remains , do they want to listen to the old ?

Have a Blessed day everyone .

A Lukewarm Mentality

A person could be filled to the brim with a passion , dedicating their whole being into their cause . A cause spanning their careers , a thrill of a favorite past-time or a charitable contribution to society . Whatever that cause happens to be , it is faced with a fervor of a fast tempo  heartbeat !

In the beginning , we can devote so much of ourselves as dreams and ambitions burst forth from our loins . Passion can be powerful and rewarding . It can also become a learning experience that can benefit not only us , but those around us .

That same passion that evoked an energetic response in the beginning , can over time , release an exhausted  soul . A soul that has become overwhelmed , over burdened or burned out from the passion that started it all .

A soul can stare into the mirror and wonder at all that has happened . The kind of life this soul has lived . The mistakes that were replayed over and over  . The doors that were never opened or those that were . The successes and the failures reflecting back , a glare upon the soul's face . The fruits of labor played forward , the chain that cannot be broken .

Was I the best that I could be  ?

Has my passion waned ? Has it become lukewarm . . . . tepid . . . . . .  . . . unsavory , unable to quench the thirsty heart ? Have I become the woman at the well ? Dispensing bitterness and pain , such obvious flecks of anguish resounding all around me .

Was I the best that I could be ?

Day Three

Day Three :



Day Three started out great as I headed out the door with the list in hand and with an energy level of an athlete . I convinced myself that today would be a day of accomplishment , feeling it down to my bones . Music blared inside my Durango as I weaved in and out of traffic , singing out loud my own version of the lyrics and mostly off key . It didn't matter , not only was I happy , but I looked happy .  

Checking off one by one on that infamous list proved not to go as quickly as I had hoped .  For the most part , I seemed to have over-scheduled  my errands as if I was Superwoman . I do have a problem with overdoing things . My eyes are always bigger than my stomach as I overfill my plate . I schedule plans to the max on any given day  with activities . I try to do the possible with the impossible . 

By the time the afternoon came and went , fatigue slowly spread from the tips of my toes to the top of my head . Finally sitting down  in front of my computer , with my coffee and a glass of red wine off to the side , I settled in for some blogging . Signed into my account and POOF ! nothing but ads  , pop-ups and errors on my PC appear . Try as I may , they won't go away . So much for getting ahead on my blogs . 

Frustration settled  in as I gave up and went to bed . Last thought in my head  before lights out ? Tackling that computer in the morning . AND that was Day Three . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .