The Underwear Hangers

Here's some light reading :


Over the past six years , I have made numerous crocheted items for friends , family and organizations . There were baby blankets to a crisis center as well as for  a friend's baby shower . From blankets ,  baby hats , booties and slippers to stuffed animal clothes . BUT . . .

BUT . . . . . .I have never been asked to make , what Emily calls , an underwear hanger . Yes , you read it right . An underwear hanger . Who ? What ? Why ?

My mom gets her hair done every week at the same hairdressers for like decades . They have a pair of sisters , senior  citizen ladies , that like to hang their " privates " such as underwear and bras on a hanger out on their balcony . They were in search of someone who would crochet or knit a new set of these hangers for them . Of course , they immediately thought of my mom or myself .

Mom , who has knitted beautifully in her youth , has absolutely no patience left in her body any longer . She happily thrust that duty to me . Handing over to me a bag containing an old sample of what they used to hang their privates : Could I please do something with this ?

I pulled  out the tattered hanger , a box of clothespins , and a skein of yarn . What am I to make with this ? I took it home , making no promises . After a week , this is what I came up with .

I showed them , all five of them , to my girlfriend and now she wants a set for herself . I thought she was joking , but alas , she's quite serious . Honestly , what am I missing here ?

BUT then . . . the more I look at it , the more I liked it so much that I've decided to make a set for myself . Odd as it may seem , we shall add this to my  portfolio .

Have a Blessed Day everyone .

That First Time

I remember the very first time I ever walked into the infusion area for chemotherapy patients . Everyone looked so frail and thin . . . . so ill . It was a huge room , filled with people . I was astounded to see so many going through chemo . That was the first time , my eyes were opened to the reality of cancer . What you don't see can't hurt you , right ?  Cancer is everywhere , affecting everyone , whether it's your friend , co-worker or relative .

My friend , Jan , became my chemo partner . She would pick me up and stay with me for all six treatments . Sometimes , I would sleep or work on my puzzles or crochet , but each time Jan would get us  lunch while there .

My emotions toward chemo were great . Compared to all I've been through physically , chemo was a piece of cake . . . . at least  that first bout with cancer . I did seem to be so extremely tired while there . Maybe my body was  so worn out from all those surgeries  . . . .

And now ? Well , now the room has become smaller , much more private consisting of no more than three people at a time . I don't have a chemo partner by choice . I find I can face it alone now . The symptoms vary from one type of chemo to the next . With each re-occurence , I have adjusted a little bit more to that acceptance part . My hope is that it will be years before my " next " bout .

Have a Blessed Day everyone .

Halfway Point

This approaching month will be my halfway point with the current treatment . So where am I at ? How do I feel ? What are your side effects ? How are you ? These are the main questions I have been asked .

So where am I ?
People seem to be worried how I'm handling this re-occurence . They don't want to believe me when I tell them I'm good . They're expecting me to fall apart , especially Linda . When I tell her , she stares at me in disbelief . Why ? Because Linda still hasn't accepted her condition . She still is at the angry and the why stage .

If I'm angry , it's not about this . I do hope that my next re-occurence will be a longer interval in between like a few years . That would be awesome .

How do I feel ?
I never quite know how to answer that one . Should I really be honest and go into a lengthy and descriptive answer ? Or should I say what everyone expects to hear like " I'm feeling okay " ? I usually opt for the latter and say " it is what it is " .

Honestly ? By the time the halfway point comes ( 3 months ) , I'm fed up with everything . I want it over . Usually by now the side effects are in full force and my endurance is at a low . Yeah , it's getting old at this point .

What are your side effects ?

People usually think that all cancer patients react the same way , which is not true . I've had three different types of chemo in the last six years and I've had three different kinds of side effects . My hands are red , dry , cracked and blotchy . I have a rash on my armpits , under my breasts , my thighs and not to mention some other private places . The palms and balls of my feet ache like callouses . My feet hurt .

At my last infusion , I only had the rashes on my thighs and head which my doctor didn't feel it was caused by my chemo , but something I have started using recently . I have used the same products  for years . Gave me some pills and a cream . That was then . Now , my other list above has appeared and I'm curious what she will say caused it this time . It's not even a red rash but a darkened color . We will find out this Friday .

How are you ?
I'm crappy , that's how I am . I'm itchy and scratchy . My hands hurt . My feet hurt . I'm tired and sleep the whole weekend away . Otherwise , I'm okay . How are you ? Plus , I've gained 5 1/2 pounds last month . Who knows how much next ? So how am I ? I'm ready for it to  be over and I'm crabby .

P.S.
 I am proud of myself for downloading my first pic !
Have a Blessed Day everyone , even if I am crabby.

A Long Respite

In the next four and a half years that followed , I had great health . There were no re-occurences , no setbacks , all tests were passed with flying colors . There were minor adjustments I had to make regarding my health , but at least , I stayed out of the hospital .

During that time , I reconnected with people from my past . I joined a Women's Group , volunteered at my Church and worked on my soul relationship as well as the physical part . Slowly , the layers were peeled away to expose the butterfly in me . Here I am , folks , still not completely there .  . . . still working on myself .

As the years passed , so did my confidence grow thinking I was completely healed from cancer . A year after my recovery , they took out my port , which produced even more confidence . I started living my life full of zest . . . . . .  living my life inside a make -believe bubble .

Who knew I could be so naivee ? There is no cure for cancer . You can only put it to sleep and hope it doesn't rear it's ugly head anytime soon . When it came back , four and half years later , I was in complete shock . That word " why " screaming inside my head and my heart . My emotions bursting forth , wanting to write them down . I started a blog and the rest is history . The rest you know .

Have a Blessed Week everyone .

The Road To Recovery

When I was in the hospital , I received many gifts to preoccupy my time . One of those gifts was a book called " Ninety Minutes In Heaven " . That book changed my life . It really spoke to me and the  situation that I was facing .

There was a chapter where the author spoke of accepting his bodies' limitations after an illness . He seemed to have such a hard time and it took him years to finally accept it . I couldn't understand this no matter how  much I tried . Little did I know that I , myself , would have trouble with acceptance . Even now , six years later , I'm still not there .

I guess , I just wanted things to go back to the way they were , and of course , that's impossible . You can't go through something so major and not expect it to change you on the inside as well as on the outside . You emerge a different person altogether .

During my illness , many people came together to help me and my family . My mom's co-workers got together and donated their vacation time so my mom could spend time with me in the hospital . There were neighbors , friends of friends that offered up prayers for me , people that I have never met . People came together and sterilized my house from top to bottom , washing furniture and carpets so I would not get an infection .

I have many fond memories from that time . I have never felt so loved in my life . Everytime  I started to feel down , a get well card would appear magically in the mail . I had the opportunity to say " I love you " to the people in my heart . Not many can say the same .

There are a few things that stand out in my memory , like the time my older brother came for a visit , spending the whole day with me . I have never heard him speak so much as he related one story after another . Or the time my children spent the day together , taking a picture in a photo booth to place at my hospital bed . The numerous visits that my younger brother drove me back and forth to without complaint .

A new me was emerging from her cocoon , all ready to live life . Full of energy and  thirst for what God had in store for me .
Have a Blessed Life everyone .

The Final Chapter

After my meltdown , my niece Kathy , asked if I would try out this new church called New Life Community Church-Mont Clare  with her . I was anxious to start moving forward and living life like everyone else . It's been a record ten whole days since my last hospitalization , so I said yes .

The preparation for Church was a problem . During these past four months I have lost over fifty pounds and I had nothing to wear . Everything would literally hang off my body . Weighing in  at around 100 lbs. , I looked more like the survivor from Auschwitz .

Looking in the mirror , I had absolutely no curves or bumps anywhere . So I did what every pre-teen girl does and stuffed my bra and underwear with washcloths for much needed curve appeal .

Sitting in the pew , I realized this past week was painfree for the first time in months . Deep gratitude washed over me like the warmth  of sunshine . Closing my eyes , I gave thanks and praise to God vowing to come back again . I've been there eversince .

Later that afternoon , chills racked my body and I felt extremely tired all of a sudden . I knew what that meant . Immediately , I grabbed my thermometer and my suspicions were confirmed . . . . another infection .

Disappointment washed over me at the thought of another setback . Back in Church earlier , I felt I was on my way for a permanent recovery . I could feel the Holy Spirit wrap his arms around me . Never did I think I would I would have a setback . Little did I know that not only would this be my last trip to the hospital , but also the shortest stay .

As the months followed , I slowly recovered . My body had to get used to alot of things like eating normally . I couldn't take in food because of lack of appetite . My mom would make these small snacks for me ( bite size pieces ) for every hour , whether it was a fruit or drink . Not only did my body need normalcy but my soul .
Have a Blessed Day everyone .

Part 10

Be careful what you ask for . . . . . I wanted a reversal colostomy so I wouldn't walk around with that darn poop bag ! Well , I got it ! The problem was my body hasn't performed in the natural way for four months . My friends , there is nothing more painful than trying to go to the bathroom .

I tried everything : laxatics were no help whatsoever , prune juice equals nada , exercise produced only gas , dairy tasted good , heated pad brought on sweating . This went on for two whole weeks . Not being able to go is painful !

During this time , my phone never stopped ringing with friends calling . On one particular day , I sat there with a heating pad on when a call came in . She asked me how I was feeling . . . . . . .that was the end of me . I burst out crying , no sobbing ! I've had enough .

I've been through alot in these past four months . There have been moments where I've asked God to take me because of the pain . . . . but this was just too much ! As I talked with her , everything spilt over . . . .every emotion that has been bottled up all these months . I couldn't stop crying .

Later that day , the phone kept ringing like never before . It seemed that everyone wanted to see how I was doing . I found out later that my friend was worried I had given up and told everyone to call me with encouragement .

That was the last time I ever broke down in front of others . I've learned to keep a positive , upbeat attitude in public . People became scared when I'm depressed and start worrying  needlessly . I say needlessly , because there are many downs when you have an illness and it's very normal to become depressed once in awhile . Sometimes , you just want to have a good cry , but once you're done , you pick yourself up again .

After my meltdown , I felt better and eventually things started to work normally again . Tomorrow is the final chapter of my saga . Until then , have a Blessed night everyone .