My Top Ten List

    Since this is my second bout with cancer ,  I have discovered that I have a routine , a repetition of  things that I only do when I have cancer . This just came to me yesterday in the waiting room . Funny , the things we think about when we have time . Here is my top ten list of things I only do when I have cancer.

10. I found that I have great patience when I have cancer . I can sit in the doctor's waiting room without a complaint . I also found that as soon as the cancer goes in remission , so does my patience .
9. I have also found that I can out burp , out belch and pass gas better than any sailor out there . Come on  , challenge me !
8. Another great accomplishment ....I can crochet like a mad woman !!! I can whip out blankets faster than a rabbit can have babies !
7. I also have found that I have a whole collection of books , journals and puzzles of every kind you can imagine that I only take out during cancer and doctor visits . Seriously .
6. I have found that I do not screen my calls but answer every single one . I write letters and remember everyone's birthday . I send out e-mails . I answer e-mails .
5. I have found that I accept every invitation sent my way . A baby shower ? I'm coming . A potluck dinner ? I'll be there . If you don't see me at a function , it just means I went somewhere else .
4. I have found that I have become a Reality T.V. junkie . I'm just glued to People's Court . I mean where else would I have learned the phrase ,"stick a fork in me ...I'm done ." Then there is Hoarders .Yeah! I'm mean , it's a relief that someone else's house is messier than mine . Then there is Toddlers and Tiaras . Certainly makes me feel like a better mom . But my all time favorite happens to be Storage Wars. I have no idea why I love this , but I do .
3. I have found that I love and appreciate my family more .I see them through rose colored glasses . Things that would annoy before seem to stop when my cancer comes back . I'm sure the minute I go into remission those rose colored glasses will develop a crack .
2. I have also noticed that the devil follows me around more trying to cause havoc and discouragement . When he does , there is always someone who calls , or writes or sends a card to cheer me up . So he really never catches me . Ha !
1. Now here's my favorite thing I found about having cancer . I do not have to pluck , shave or wax anything on my body ! Yeah , that deserves a number one.

  

I Have A Request

   Whatever my plans for the blog were today, they  will have to go on hold . I have other pressing issues to bring up . I received a phone call this evening that certainly was a " God Moment ". I could not get this event out of my head . It made me realize something very important .
    People  tell me how positive I am during this journey of mine , but this is a lie . This is a facade , but that's another story .....another time . It did alter how I felt . It uplifted my spirits . Here I was laying down after just coming home from my chemo and I was dead tired . I mean my body actually felt like dead weight . I just hit the bed and didn ' t move . The whole time I'm thinking how in the world am I going to perform all my duties for the next two weeks . This chemo took everything out of me .
   This " God Moment " changed all that . Then I started remembering the many " God Moments " in my life  and how they re-affirmed my faith . I thought of my friends , Doug and Linda , both fighting cancer . Then there the relatives of people who are recovering from a stroke ......Natalie-father , Kathy-husband . Then there is Kelly whose son was born with a cleft . Let's not forget my dear friend Maureen , who is in pain everyday with her leg . There are so many more that aren't mentioned here .
  All of them are trying to stay positive during their journey , but we all suffer from depression at times . We all need a pick me up .
   I have a request . If there is anyone who has a experienced a " God Moment " in their life , I would love to showcase your story as part of a series on this blog . You can e-mail me your story at lottiekrol@yahoo.com along with what town or city you are from . For privacy, I will not be posting anyone's name . I look forward to hearing from you . Let's uplift and inspire each other as we all continue on our journeys .

Uncharted Waters

   It's Monday and a scary week for me . Tomorrow ,  I'm starting a different chemo and I'm a little worried about the side effects it will have . Not to mention " my other problems " that keep resurfacing over and over again . Even my car is starting to act up again . It all is coming to a head this week .
   So since it is Monday , I want to change the whole attitude of this week and approach it in a light-hearted , funny way . Here is a story I wrote about a day Emily and I experienced at Schiller Woods . Hope this puts a smile on your face as you start your week .............

Hello everyone!
                      Today, Emily did the unbelievable!She took her cat Diamond to the woods for an adventure and for some exercise.Yes,it sounds unbelievable but it really happened.
                    The only way I can explain how the process went getting Diamond from the house into the car is just think of trying to give a cat a bath.Lets just say that my daugther was the one who ended up with both her knees skinned.Ouch!!!
                    Did I forget to mention that Diamond was on a leash?Yes,in our house we believe in cat walking instead of dog walking.
                      Once we made it to the woods , she quite behaved herself and for a minute we actually thought she loved it.She found a spot under a fallen branch under a tree.Again, it was the bath scene as we tried to get her from the tree to the car.She stuck her claws into the tree trunk hugging it meowing nooooooo!!! I don't wanna goooooo!!!!We , of course , assumed she was enjoying herself but ,alas, that wasn't so.As soon as we opened then door to the house she made a run for it like the devil was after her with Emily still holding the lease.Comedy central around here .Who needs t.v.What did you guys do today?
P.S.
    Oh yes,let's not forget the couple of rose bushes that got in the way.I think it was more of an adventure for Emily.

Great Expectations

    We all have such great expectations of what will happen in our lives . We plan and organize so everything will turn out the way we want it to . Sometimes we just dream and fantasize of how we want our lives to turn out .
     The first time I found out I had cancer , I wasn't  as traumatized as people think . I thought to myself that I'll go in and have the surgery . Then afterwards , have the chemo and go back to work . Clean cut and simple ...in and out . That's how I handled life back then . Make a list , do the list and move on to the next list . That's not quite what happened . I was naive .
     This time around , I ran around preparing all the details because I am a pro at this , right ? I knew what to expect or at least I kept telling myself that . When treatment time would come , I planned on staying home recooperating . I would do all those things I set aside for later . I would keep away from people because I didn't want to get sick . Germ free. I was naive  .
     We are not realistic people . We like to fantasize and dream . When life doesn't quite turn out like our dreams we get depressed . We feel cheated .
      I would dream this dream in my youth of living on my own in an English Cottage surrounded by all types of flowers . The simple life....the peaceful life.....the calm life .Where did this come from ? I really don't know . Not realistic at all . What are my chances of moving to England ? Pretty slim .So why do we do it ? I think we dream big and unrealistic dreams to help us deal with our ordinary lives . To get away from our problems . It's like reading fairytales . We want the fairytale life where everything turns out perfect . We want to believe .





    

Word Of God Speak

   I should have titled my blog  "Traffic ". I sure spent alot of time in it today . So restless in the car with my mind drifting  in reflection . Thinking of my life and all the things I should have done but didn't . The things I did and shouldn't have . The  mistakes I have made . We always remember the mistakes first . All the warning signs that were there but I ignored . That feeling we get that something doesn't feel right . Why don't we heed it ?
   I thought of this program I watched a very long time ago . Where a group of women would come live together , as therapist worked with them on their many issues . There was this one woman there . I won't forget her . Her therapist gave her all these bags.....she called it her " excess baggage " and wherever she went she had to carry all her baggage with her .
   I watched her lug all this baggage into the bathroom , as she was cooking , on the couch with her , on the bus etc . One day , the whole group went walking in the woods . This poor woman carried that baggage uphill tripping and falling several times . Finally , she was so disgusted of this baggage causing her so much misery she dropped it and refused to carry it around with her any longer . She was tired of it .
   That's how we all are . We don't listen to warning signs that God sends us . We refuse to listen . We stop  our own growth . We get tired of waiting on Him . We plunge in and make matters worse . Or we become scared and don't move on at all .
   Word of God speak . Why is it so very hard for us to trust Him ? To hear Him ?
   Instead , we do our own thing and develop excess baggage that causes us so many problems . We almost have to be covered with bags before we finally listen to Him . None of us wants to be sitting in traffic 20 years later playing back all our mistakes in our mind  thinking why didn't I listen ?

I'm Falling Off The Wagon

     Discouragement hangs over me like a black cloud  creeping closer and closer . I'm falling off the wagon today . Spent the morning reading old notes from Sundays Past . Message after message trying to encourage my discouraging heart . Everything lies in His hands . You think I would be upset with my illness but instead I'm upset with the paperwork . Who has time to worry about that when I have all this red tape to untangle .
  One of my favorite verses in the Bible says ," Be still and know that I am God ". There is nothing more that I can do . A quiet day , today , spent reading my devotionals . Here is a poem I found....

GOD'S PLAN by:Kathleen Lyons

 as I travel on my journey
living life from day to day
I see the joy in GOD'S plan
and give thanks when I pray
but when the road gets rough
and my troubles seem to stay
I forget that GOD has a plan
and I search for my own way
I try to chart my own course
never knowing which way to turn
all the time I waste on worry
if only I would learn
for when my troubles pass
I can always see
it was all part of GOD'S plan
and never up to me

   

Life Goes On

    There is a stretch of road that I take on my way home from my brothers house . It's simply beautiful during the Fall . All the greens , browns , reds  and orange tones are in full display in these woods . Once again , I'm amazed at God's beauty .
     The road is long and winding , surrounded by the woods . The seasons will change no matter what happens in my life . The leaves will keep falling and the snow will come . Once again , in the spring , everything will come back to life . Life goes on.
    I feel lifeless but very calm  as I drive through this beauty . I've had another draining morning  dealing with "paperwork" and " reps" . I'm tired and exhausted of dealing with these people .
    You call your benefits rep and he tells you they faxed a document over to your doctor . You call the doctor and he never got the document . You call them back requesting the same darn thing you asked for three days ago . .....PING PONG...PING PONG .......PING PONG .
    We are incompetent creatures , yet Jesus loves us . We kill , we hurt others , we lie ,cheat and steal . Yet , HE shows us mercy , grace , love , forgiveness and sent His only Son to save us . What do we do ? We beat Him , torture Him and nail Him to the Cross . He still loves us .
    We are very incompetent . We change peoples lives with a click of a button .What does it matter ? Life goes on . What is the worst that will happen to them ? It's a mistake . People do the same thing with God . When everything is fine , who needs Him ? What has He done for me lately ? How do you know its not a she ? When they hit a bump in the road , they fall to their knees and scream HELP ME ! Where are you God ?
    He truly is a loving God to put up with the likes of  US . Seriously . Take a look around . Look how we impact each others lives without any feeling of consequence . Nothing matters . No responsibility . No accountability . Life goes on , Right ?