When the powers of hell prevail
O'er our weakness and unfitness,
Could we lift the fleshly veil,
Could we for a moment witness
Those unnumbered hosts that stand
Calm and bright on either hand;
Oh, what joyful hope would cheer,
Oh, what faith serene would guide us!
Great may be the danger near,
Greater are the friends beside us.
ANO
Day 5 Of Simplifying
Friendship
I grew up surrounded by people. My parents loved to entertain and often spent their free time engaging in the social life. Every weekend, there was "somewhere" to go. Many times, that involved multiple events in one day. There were Weddings, Communions, Retirements, House Warming and Graduations just to name a few. Their generation loved to entertain and looked for ways to gather together.
Everything I know about friendships I learned from my parents. You see, I believe in the old adage that we do what we know. How we treat others stems from how we grew up. For me, friendships always meant a multitude of people who were diverse in age and ethnicity. Even though my parents were immigrants from Poland, they embraced the American culture wholeheartedly. In their eyes, we have to learn to live here with fellow Americans, because our life will be here from now on. That meant embracing all cultures and not just staying within our own.
I'm sure you're very surprised that friendships would even be on the simplification list, but for me, it has been a year of departing friends. I look at my mom, who has held friendships for decades and wonder why that cannot be me. Often, I have searched within myself to see what I may have caused for this to happen. Have I lost friends, because of my behavior?
Friendships are a funny thing. People come into our lives stay awhile and leave through a revolving door only to come back again years later like nothing ever happened. Very few friends actually take up permanent residence and travel on this journey we call life right along with us. Recently, I heard someone say that no one friend can be all things to you. We need a whole group that will fill the gaps in our life. Even Erma Bombeck said that women especially needed a lot of girlfriends.
I've always had many friends whom all were very dear to and loved by me. Each of them brought something different to the table; one provided laughter, another a shoulder to cry on. A friend who loved to try new things out and another to do hobbies together. It didn't matter what each one of them offered, they all meant the same to me. If you were in my life, I loved you and enjoyed the time we spent. A friend was a friend, period.
This past decade brought a lot of change in the world in more ways than one. Suddenly my friends weren't the same anymore, as they began to prefer labeling our relationship as close friends, acquaintances, work associates or BFF. When did this happen? Why did this happen? I was compartmentalized by my friends without being aware of it.
Why can't we just remain friends without the revolving door? It dawned on me that even though I had no intention of reducing the size of my address book, I became part of their own simplification list. How do we determine when our friendships have outgrown us? Do they outgrows us? How do we just stop loving?
Baffled, I couldn't really understand. We didn’t have an argument or bad mouth each other for the relationship to end. It was simply time to move on and that's how I became reduced to a mere acquaintance over and over again. To be honest, many friends have come and gone throughout my years, but the amount was small enough to be painless. So far and few in-between that I didn't even notice. . . then. This year has been different. Grief, trials, illness, shame, falling from grace all are reasons why people will leave you without a word. They judge or cannot cope with your situation or are afraid it may affect them in some way if they keep in contact with you.
It's always been my experience to hang out in groups rather than single units when it came to friends. Perhaps people don't want to maintain a large group of friends as we age, but instead an intimate relationship with only a few. To that end, simplification in relationships might be beneficial, but not to me. Remember, I wasn't brought up like that and it has become difficult to accept the "new" norm. I cannot be everything to one person nor they to me. I like a variety, friends that fit that gap that only they can. People can say there is more intimacy when there is only one bestie, but that's not really true. I have meaningful conversations with all of my friends when the time calls for it.
Perhaps, everyone has a different need for others. Maybe we opt for small groups or no groups at all, because we are scared to show our true self to others. Remember, how we grew up shapes how we treat relationships. Jesus said it's not good to be alone, so why would we choose to be with only a select few?
Have a blessed day everyone.
