Enjoying The Journey:Cancer As A Lifestyle

Wednesday, April 16, 2025

I Never Imagined

Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Lord, with what courage and delight
    I do each thing,
When Thy least breath sustains my wing!
    I shine and move
    Like those above,
    And, with much gladness
    Quitting sadness,
Make me fair days of every night.
H. VAUGHAN.

Honestly, I never thought this would happen again. Sort of naive in my thinking considering my past history. It's only to be expected, right? And yet, I was stunned.

We become very complacent in our life. Normalcy does that to us. We live our life in a sequence of order that some call monotonous or predictable. It does provide a sense of security something we all need even if we don't want to admit it.

When the doctor told me I had A.L.L. {Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia}, I literally stared at him dumbfounded. He can't be right. That's not even my cancer. I have dealt with stage 3 ovarian cancer for over 18 years. It came and went four times, each time a very familiar occurrence.

Nine years I have been in remission. Nine years! How could I not have become complacent? Safe and secure in the knowledge that perhaps I was done? Finished with it? I could now move forward, worry free of having a chronic illness. It was behind me and I have conquered it.

What surprises me the most is my own inability to accept this new challenge in my life. My resistance has resulted in a bad altitude, moodiness and quite frankly open rudeness to anyone within my presence. Is this who I am really inside? Absolutely not! What have I preached to fellow cancer patients for the past 18 years? To be the way I have been acting? Absolutely not!

I guess we are never done learning new things about ourselves. There are so many layers to us exposing our inner thoughts, emotions even if they are so very raw. The Lord is continually pruning us and it hurts, really hurts. We feel alone and forgotten, but deep down inside we know that is a lie that the enemy loves to imprint into our soul to discourage us.

How many times have we felt down and in pain? Yet, there would be a phone call, a card, a kind gesture sent our way. Sometimes, a beautiful sunrise or the warmth of the sun upon our face. Who sent that our way? Only Our Lord. He is with us. He is carrying us. He loves us. He loves me.

Have a blessed day everyone.